It's Yours

I heard the dryer running as I stepped out of the shower. The entire room was foggy. I looked down at my fingers. Prunes. Damn. I must have used up all the hot water. I grabbed two towels, wrapping one around my body and one around my dripping hair. Then I went to look for my clothes. Double Damn. They were in the dryer. On the other side of the house. I started crying. I slid down the wall and just started bawling my eyes out.

But this wasn’t about the clothes. Not really. It was about me. And Jake. And my parents. And this baby. It was about everything.

My brain felt like it was pounding against my skull. The thundering beat spelled out one word. Alone. Over and over. Alone. Alone. Alone.

I tried to tell myself that I wasn’t alone. I had Thom and Paul and Janie. I had Mr. and Mrs. Numez. I had Becky. But really, if I was being absolutely 100% honest with myself, I was alone.

I couldn’t just move in with Paul and his family. They didn’t have enough space. And Thom might love me, but he was only seventeen. What good did love do? I knew that all it did to me was rip my heart to shreds and get me pregnant. And Janie had her own life. Her own family. Her own worries and concerns. She couldn’t spend her life thinking about poor little pregnant Emma. And Becky. Becky was just fourteen. A baby really. She couldn’t handle this drama. She couldn’t handle having a pregnant sister. She shouldn’t have to handle a pregnant sister.

So when it came right down to it. Right down to the very heart of the matter. I was alone. I would always be alone.

Loud pounding on the door interrupted my thoughts.

“Em? Emma are you okay?!” Thom’s voice was anxious.

“Emma what’s wrong?” Paul’s tone mirrored Thom’s.

I didn’t understand. Nothing was visibly wrong with me. Besides they couldn’t even see me. Then I realized. That noise, the one that sounded like a dying cat, that was me. I closed my mouth and the noise stopped.

“Emma?” Thom called.

“Screw this man! Something’s wrong.”

Next thing I knew the bathroom door was opened. Very, very forcibly. I turned my face to Paul. He was panting and I could see that he had tried very hard not to smash the door completely. He had succeeded, but only just. His face was red. Thom walked in after him, searching for me.

“What the hell, Paul?!?” Thom questioned, his eyes not leaving mine.

“Well it’s not like I could just leave her in here.” His eyes didn’t leave mine either.

“It was unlocked.” I whispered.

Then I dissolved into tears again.

“Oh, Emma.” Thom murmured.

He walked over and lifted me up, making sure not to move my towel at all. He carried me into Paul’s room and set me on the bed. I could hear Paul trying to put the door back in place.

“Talk to me.” He said, looking me in the eye.

“I just…I just… I feel so alone.” I said, tears streaming.

“Emma, sweetie, you’ll never be alone. I promise you. You have me, Paul, Janie, Becky, and your parents.”

“N-No I-I d-don’t!” I sobbed. “M-My p-parents k-kicked m-me o-out!”

Thom swore.

“They did what?” Paul demanded from the door way.

“I-I t-told th-them a-about th-the b-baby a-and they kicked me out.”

My breathing calmed back down. The tears were still falling but I was in control now. Thom brushed a few stray tears away.

“And, Paul, I can’t stay with you. You don’t have enough room for me, let alone a brand new baby! And, Thom, you’re just seventeen. You’re not even a legal adult yet. You can’t really do anything. And Janie has her own life. I can’t be her problem.”

“You would never be anyone’s ‘problem’ Emma.” Thom whispered.

“Plus, you can stay with me.” Paul was smug. What was going on here? “Mom and Dad just put the down payment on a bigger house. Mom said she had a feeling something like this was going to happen. So hah! I’m going to go get your clothes now.”

I giggled in spite of myself. Then I leaned into Thom’s chest. I sensed Paul leaving as I stared into Thom’s unique eyes.

“Do you pinky swear that everything will work out?” I whispered.

“I do.”

Then his lips met mine. And I knew. I finally knew. I was home. And I would never be alone.