Warmness on the Soul

I woke up after getting hit in the face. I sat up and looked at Jenny, her arm was still around my waist. That was a surprise coinciding that she moved around in her sleep like none other.
She looked so beautiful with the morning sun against her pale skin. I couldn’t take my eyes off of her. She was so peaceful like this. As much as I didn’t want to move, I really had to pee.
I made a move to get up but soon found out that Jenny had a firm grip on my waist. I poked at her fingers trying to get them to loosen. That wasn’t getting me anywhere. I looked at the doorway then back at Jenny.
I laid back down next to her. I’d just wait till she was awake. I was beginning to like watching her sleep. No violence, no anger, just peace. I felt my eyes slowly creep shut and I was out again.

“Morning honey” Jenny’s voice rang in my ear.
I cracked my eyes open.
“What did you just call me?” I said.
“Never mind” She said with her face reddening.
I rolled my eyes and sat up. I glanced at the clock. Five past ten. The sudden realization of my earlier attempt to pee just hit me.
I got up quickly and rushed toward the door. Jenny looked at me weirdly. She just shrugged and sat cross legged on my bed.
I rushed to the bathroom. Took a look in the mirror and got ready for a shower. Why must my hair always end up like this? It always had to be all messy and wavy. It annoyed the shit out of me. Made me want to go bald… that wouldn’t be such a good idea either.
I jumped in and took a shower that was like any other shower. I was glad that no surprise visits from Jenny had occurred this time. Wait, that was a surprise in its self. I got out and wrapped myself in a towel.
SHIT! I didn’t grab any clothes. This is going to be awkward as hell.
I slowly walked back to my room. I stuck my head around the corner. She wasn’t there. I sighed with relief and walked in. I quickly looked around for some clothes. I assumed I didn’t have long. I shook off the towel and pulled on some boxers. I then stuck my head out the doorway and looked around. I was safe. I turned back around and stood right in front of Jenny. Her face was beat red.
“I was under the covers..” she began to mumble out.
I looked at her with wide eyes. My jaw dropped. I was in my boxers standing in front of her. I had changed in front of her without realizing it. How could I be so careless? Wait, why should I care?
“I don’t care, its not like I have anything to hide” I mumbled out and walked to my dresser and closet.
I pulled on a pair of blue denim jeans and a simple button up shirt. The shirt was black with thin white stripes. I slid on a silver studded belt that finished the look. I turned to her and she still had the shocked expression on her face.
“Would you get over it? It’s not like you haven’t seen a penis before” I was hiding my own embarrassment with anger.
“This is so awkward” I heard her mumble under her breath.
I rolled my eyes and stared out the window. I couldn’t believe it, how could I not see her. Why was she hiding in my bed in the first place? She sat down facing me. Fear was clear on her face. Was she scared of me?
I turned and looked at her, my harsh expression softening, “Forgive and forget,” I muttered and walked out of my room.
Before leaving I stole a glance at her. She showed a great deal of relief and stood to follow me. I walked down the stairs and waited at the bottom. Her movements were graceful as she came down the steps to my side.
I let her pass me as she walked to my car. I stood at the door way of my house and turned to see my dad walked toward me. I looked at him with confusion. He just woke up and he was angry. I didn’t get the chance to move out of the way in time for what was coming. Yet another blow to my already stinging head. I fell down to the ground and rolled away off of the porch.
He didn’t even say anything to me this time, there was no reason for this random act. He never attacked me until after he said a few choice words first. There was no meaning in this one. Just hate.
I got up and limped to my car before he came at me again. I got in the drivers seat and took a deep breath.
“Why do you let him do this to you?” Jenny’s eyes had begun to water.
I looked at her and started the car. I sat in silence as I drove to the one place I always went when I wanted to think. It was a small place in the woods about 15 miles from where I live.
I pulled into the small grass opening off the road and went to exit my car. I motioned for Jenny to follow me. I had something to talk to her about. Something that has finally reached its peak. I couldn’t keep this hiding in me anymore.
I walked along the path, but with a small limp from the earlier attack. I glanced behind me and saw the curious look on Jenny’s face. The dim light under all the trees made her skin shine. She was so beautiful. I don’t know how I missed it all before.
I reached my destination and sat on the log that laid close to a slow moving stream. I took in my surroundings, from the patches of sand and multicolored pebbles. The grass that surrounded the log we sat on. The crystal clear stream that stretched out in front of us.
Then to Jenny; her brown hair, pale grey eyes, perfectly shaped lips, and the redness of her cheeks as she noticed I was staring at her.
I looked down towards the ground. I had to do this. It has to come out.
“Jenny?” I mumbled out looking back at her.
She cocked her head in my direction. Curiosity filling her face once again.
“I… I lll…” I was choking badly.
She reached over and put her hand on mine. I looked down at the gesture and shook my head pulling my hand away. I stood up and walked toward the stream and spun around.
“Vayne, what is it?” She was so confused.
“I have reached a point in my life where I can no longer suffer,” her face seemed to brighten a bit, “because all suffering is sweet to me.”
That was not what she was expecting. I looked to the ground, while she stayed put on the log.
“I’m leaving… I can’t live her anymore…” I held back my emotions. Trying to keep my self calm.
“What do you mean? What do you mean your leaving?” Jenny stood up with nothing but shock on her face.
“I’m leaving Abney. I’m leaving this town. There’s just to much here” I continued to look down.
“Vayne, if this is because of your dad-”
“NO!! It’s you!! I can’t handle this!” I shouted out in frustration. How can I make her understand?
“What do you mean?” Tears began to fill her eyes
“Your getting to close to me, and vice versa. Just stop. You don’t understand what its like. I shut myself out from this goddamn planet to rid myself of these emotions. What gave you the right to put them back in me? Who are you to try to change me?” I was losing my cool fast. I was getting angry.
“I … I just thought-”
“You thought wrong then,” I softened my voice, “we both did…”
I looked up her again, this time not looking back down. Her eyes were red and the streams of tears wetted her cheeks. She stared right into my eye. I saw in them so much confusion and hurt. I knew this would happen.
“I just can’t let you in… not anymore” I was drained of anger.
“Why won’t you give me a chance? Please just think about this” she sobbed.
“I can’t… I have to leave… I’m sorry” my vision blurred as I turned to walk down the path to my car.
I heard her sit back down on the log. Muffling her sobs in her arms. I turned to get one final glimpse of her. It was to much and I began to let my own tears fall.
I stumbled back to my car and took off without a second thought. My first destination: Home.

I started beating the door when I arrived. I was fresh with anger and was ready for a fight. My father flung the door open.
“Well look who it is, the little bitch from up the stairs”
I pushed past him and went to my room. I slammed the door behind me and grabbed my bag from out of the closet. I started putting in the things I would need most.
My razor, my laptop, and a wad of cash. I filled my second bag with my clothes. I threw open my door and headed toward the bathroom. I emptied my drawer into the outer pocket of my bag.
I went down the hall and jumped down the stairs. I ran out side and popped my trunk open and threw my belongings into the back.
My father had finally gotten the hint that I was leaving and came out to start his shit again.
“Where do you think your going you low life piece of trash?” He reeked of beer and cigars, “gunna go run off and hide with that little bitch of yours?”
I turned to him and clenched my fist. I glared at him. How dare he insult her like that.
“Oh, did I hit a nerve?” he smiled a rotten smile.
I pulled back and let loose. Never had it felt so good to feel the cartilage being smashed under my fist. He fell back to the ground with blood running out of his nose. I shook my head and walked over to his side and lifted him up by his shirt. I leaned in and put my face close to his.
“I’m leaving for good this time” I let go and let him hit the ground. I walked to my car and stopped at the door as he got up.
“I should have killed you when I had the chance” he growled out as I entered my car. I let my tires screech again the drive way as I spun my car around to leave. I floored it down the road towards the high way.
I kept driving until the sun had lowered itself. I stopped at a old run down motel. I pulled up by the front desk building thinger and entered it. An old woman with crinkled grey hair and a mole on the right bottom of her jaw looked up at me. She was a definite winner. Bleh.
She rolled her eyes at my appearance, “If your hear to cause hell just leave” she crooked out.
“Just give me a room” I mumbled, the mix of emotions still fresh in my head.
She turned and gave me a key as I laid down some green on the desk and walked out. I pulled my car over to the room and brought my belongings out with me to the door.
There was a big brass 13 screwed to the door. Isn’t that fitting?
I flung open the door and threw my stuff on the floor. I then let myself drop on the bed. The smell of moth balls filled the air. Could be worse, right? Damn those famous last words. Thunder cut through the air. Why does it always raid when someone says it could be worse?
I closed my eyes and fell into nightmare filled sleep.