Status: Completed.

It Ain't Easy

Despair

Eric sank down on the chair, pressing his hands hard against his face as salty tears was falling down his cheeks, his shoulder shaking.

He had never believed for it to be easy, but he didn't seem to do anything right, only making mistakes over and over again, and it filled him with despair and agony. The first week had been easy, having had full hopes that he would manage with learning it soon, that he would be great on it, but after one month, it got clear that he was simply useless on it.

"Eric? What's wrong?" He looked up as hearing Andreas' voice, not having noticed him coming home.

"It was too early," Eric whispered, shaking his head as Andreas sat down next to him, laying his arm around the boy's shoulders, confusion and slight fear seen in the man's eyes. "We should have waited, we should have made sure I actually knew what to do and not just be such a burden!"

"Shh, it's okay." Andreas whispered, pulling Eric closer, holding him against his body. "You're just nervous, it'll be easier."

"It's gone two months!" Eric yelled, starting to cry again as hearing a increasing cry from the baby chamber. "See? I can't even have him sleeping! I just ruin everything."

Before Andreas got time to say something, Eric had flew up from the chair and stormed away to their bedroom, slamming the door shut at the same time the baby started to scream loudly. Sighing, Andreas stood up and moved to the baby chamber, carefully picking the baby up.

The screaming faded away almost immediately as feeling human warmth, the small hannds moving slightly as if trying to reach for the one holding him. Andreas smiled softly as looking down at the baby, holding him close to his body as he hummed some old lullaby.

It didn't take long until the screaming had stopped completely, and the child was laying relaxed in Andreas' arms, on his way to go back to sleep.

Andreas had have his share of second thoughts too about already getting a baby, but after talking it through, they had decided that they did want a child, raising it together and call it theirs. When first holding the child in his arms, Andreas had known that it had been the right decision, feeling as if he had found one more piece of his life that he had been missing.

He had thought that after meeting Eric, he had been complete, that nothing else was missing, but when looking down at the baby, he realized how wrong he had been. He had seen the same conclusion in Eric's expression when the child were laid in his arms. The boy's eyes had been round, glittering brightly as the baby for a few seconds opened his eyes, looking directly on the youngest of his fathers - none of them cared about that the nurse told them that babies couldn't see that long when being nearly newborn.

Their friend had discovered that she was pregnant, too long gone for abortion, and she had half jokingly asked them if they wanted to adopt the child. They had took it serious, knowing that she would place the child up for adoption anyway, they talked it through, deciding that they did want it.

They had both been well aware that it wouldn't be easy raising a child, but they had have high hopes that they would manage with having it worked out somehow anyway.

The problem were that Eric was so settled in on to do everything right, to be a perfect parent, that everything just went wrong instead. Andreas was more relaxed, taking it as it came, not being all too focused on to tell the different cries apart (Eric was convinced that there was one scream for food, one for wanting to be changed, and one for wanting to sleep).

Still holding the baby in his arms, he opened the bedroom door, seeing Eric sit cross legged on the bed, his eyes being red and with crumpled papers laying around him, a sign that he had been crying.

Eric looked up at Andreas, then down at the baby, and then he looked away, clutching a piece of paper in his hand.

"I'm an awful parent," he whispered, meaning what he said. He were fully convinced that there hadn't been any parents worse than him.

"You're not," Andreas whispered back, a soft smile over his lips as sitting down on the bed. "You're just trying too hard. Relax a little, and it'll be so much easier. No one can be the perfect parent."

Eric shook his head as closing his eyes, leaning his face against his hands again. "You're a perfect parent. Danny is so relaxed and calm when you hold him." He sighed, looking up at Andreas, desperation seen in his eyes. "I try to do everything it stands in the books and magazines, but it just turn out wrong."

"You don't think that's the problem?" Andreas asked, smiling softly when Eric looked wondering on him. "You're doing as the books say, but all kids are different, sweetie. "If you think smallest little cry, or problem with the baby, is because of you it will drive you crazy. And I think Daniel need both his dads."

Eric smiled carefully as looking down at the baby, still sleeping peacefully in Andreas' arms. He sighed lowly as moving closer to the two, gently brushing his fingers over the slight strands of brown hair. The hair felt so soft, almost tickling his fingertips, and he smiled a bit wider.

"I still wish I could be as good of a parent that I thought I would be," he confessed, a sheepish smile playing over his lips.

"You are a good parent, Eric." Andreas assured with a smile. "You're doing everything you can for Daniel, you just need to relax a little."

"I will," Eric promised, sighing lovely. His slid his fingers down over the baby's arm, to the silver bracelet around his wrist. In a couple of months he would be too big to have it, but had already decieded to make a necklace of it then. It wasn't all that special, just a average silver bracelet, with one star and one heart stuck onto it; the heart having Daniel's name engraved, and the star had the day of birth engraved.

Andreas smiled softly as looking at his young boyfriend, loving how soft and gentle Eric's eyes looked as he looked down at their child. You could almost touch the love Eric had for him, it was that obvious.

Eric suddenly let out a low giggle, his eyes glittering as looking up at Andreas. "Ever heard of someone managing with relaxing when having a baby?"

"I love you," Andreas said randomly, as shaking his head with a laugh.

Eric just grinned proudly.