Behind The Searcher

As Salvarsar trudged on ahead of me, I fought to keep up. My numb feet dragged through the layers of snow, scraping the frozen earth beneath me. An intense pain seared across my chest.

Our destination was a small fishing village to the east. It was in Salvarsar’s region, although his birthplace was much further away. He had told me of his experiences and his life back home. He was a difficult child, getting himself into trouble constantly.

I found his storytelling was vivid and enthralling; perhaps because my own upbringing was the polar opposite. He had me hanging onto his every word. It was as if I was reliving my childhood through his memories.

Even though my limbs were weary, my heart was light. I don’t recall feeling this unburdened ever in my existence. My only corner, apart from my health, was that I would be recognized as a killer in this settlement. My act was well known throughout my region, and this one is not too far from it. Word spreads quickly among tradesmen.

I guess the murder was much more disturbing that I had realized. All I did was make him pay for his sins… in the most gruesome way possible.

I have not told Salvarsar of the horror that I’ve done. I know for a fact that he would be disgusted. When he was telling me of his life’s story, it wasn’t all smiles. There was a dark side to his past. I was amazed he was telling me all his secrets and thoughts; until I realized that’s what humans do when they have a sense of security. I was shocked he felt safe around me.

He told me that, when he was roughly eight summers old, a man invaded his home. He killed his father swiftly yet brutally, and then grabbed his mother. Knife to her throat, he threatened to kill her if they made a sound. He made Salvarsar and his younger sister watch helplessly as he defiled their mother in ways that children should not yet know of. When he was through with her, he promptly sliced her neck, her blood mingling with her tears.

Knowing that it was too late to save his mother, Salvarsar grabbed his trembling sister by the hand and ran. It seemed as if they would make it; until she tripped on the hem of her dress. He picked her back up and tried to pull her forwards, away from the man; but it was too late. The intruder had his greasy fingers wrapped around her ankle. Salvarsar thrashed out at him, fists flying, but he had already rammed his blade through his beloved sister’s chest.

He stumbled out onto the road, fleeing as fast as his feet let him. Mid run, he looked back over his shoulder, tears blurring his vision. The last he saw of his home was the man standing in the doorway, his sister’s body leaning against the doorframe. He clutched her hair in his fists, smirking.

- - + - -

I felt slightly ill at ease as we neared the village. Salvarsar was quite optimistic, gallivanting along and kicking up the snow. His face was flushed and his ears blood red. He reached to the ground, and I raised an eyebrow skeptically at him, only to get it wiped off by a handful of snow. Laughing, I shoved him playfully to the ground. I went to walk ahead, but he grabbed my ankle, pulling me down beside him. I let out an involuntary grunt as I landed, and he giggled. We lay there in a comfortable silence, the smoke of our breaths mingling in the open air.

He abruptly turned on his side and looked at me intently.

“Anthrarcis? Do… do you think of me as your friend?”

I was taken aback, and said the first thing that popped into my head.

“Of course I do.”

His dark eyes searched my own, looking to see if they told another story. After a moment, he nodded.

“Good. Me too.”

What surprised me most about our conversation was the honesty in my words.

I have always had to lie about my feelings and my relations towards others. With Salvarsar, I feel I can be honest. I feel secure, yet my security worries me.

Feelings are exhausting.