Everything I've Ever Wanted

This silence that followed between the three of us was chillier than the cold air outside, and it was definitely below freezing by now. An undeniable chill ran through my body as Dakota snarled at me, her lips turning up as the bitch in her came to the surface. Her teeth were showing and I glanced at Tony who was still looking back and forth between the two of us, trying to figure out what was going on.

"Let me get this straight, you just sat there and straight up lied to me about dating him. And then he fucking walks into the house." She started, her voice too calm for the look on her face.

"It's none of your business who I date," I told her, my feet set firmly a shoulder width apart. My nails have gone back to slitting my palms open.

"I thought we were friends, Molly. The whole, chicks before dicks thing. Obviously I was wrong."

"Oh shut up Dakota. Stop acting like the fucking victim in this whole thing. You are nothing but a problem, a nuisance and quite frankly, I was sick of your shit even before Tony came into the picture."

"Oh okay. Because you have any friend besides me." She snorted, rolling her eyes and shaking her head as if she pitied me.

"No, I had no friends even during you. Being friends means being there for the other person. You were never there for me, it was always, and still is, all about you. And you know what, I do have friends now. People who actually care about me and want to know what's new in my life. They don't cut me off in the middle of a story, they let me finish and we laugh and talk. That's what friends do, not listen to one person drone on and on about how their hair didn't turn out nice that day. Excuse me for not giving a crap, because in my opinion, you still look like shit." I let her have it. Everything that had been bottling up for months spilled out of my mouth. I forgot that Tony was standing across the room, that his hands were shoved into his pockets because he was nervous and once and awhile one hand would run through his hair. He kept looking at Dakota, trying to place her, but having a difficult time until she turned her steel eyes on him. He gulped as his green eyes met hers, recognizing the blonde who stood before him. She grinned wickedly at him, tilting her head to the side before she gave me a pitying look.

"All of this stuff coming out of your mouth is supposed to hurt. But just so you know, while you stand there and expect me to feel sorry for myself, I want you to know that I don't. It's you I feel sorry for, because guys like Tony never change. You are NOTHING to him. You're just another pussy he's banged and another girl who's name he'll never remember. I can see it in your eyes that you think he's going to marry you, but even if he does, you'll never be enough for him. He will always be out looking for more."

She walked into the kitchen and grabbed her purse off the counter and moved towards the stairs. Tony was already at my side, his hand grasping my wrist and squeezing it to see if I was okay, but I refused to take my eyes off of Dakota. So this is how it ends huh? Four years of friendship ends over a guy? Well, I can't say it wasn't worth it because Tony actually cares about me. He cares if I'm having a bad day, or if someone said something to me that hurt me. He truly cares about me and that's all I could ask for from him.

"And when he rips you apart, don't come crying to me because the only sympathy you'll get is, I told you so." She whirled around and stomped down the stairs after that. All was silent in the house as she slammed the door shut, making the pictures on the walls and the glasses in the cupboards shake in her wake.

The cowardly part of me refused to let my green eyes meet Tony's. I glanced over my shoulder instead, watching as Dakota walked down the street, heading towards the bars to drink her problems away. I could feel Tony's eyes on me, scrutinizing the shocked look on my face because Dakota's words stung like a bitch, just like they were intended too. I cringed as Tony's hand came towards me, reaching for my face where a single tear slipped out of my eye.

"Hey. Don't listen to her. She's just jealous, sweetie," Tony murmured, stepping in between me and the window, and walking me back towards the couch.

"You do realize now she knows we are dating my life will be utter hell?" I told him, my mind racing, thinking of all the ways that statement would become true. Tony wrapped his arms around me, cradling me as I ran over my options. But the one thing I knew for sure, I had to move out. The chances were high that Dakota would slit my throat while I was sleeping if I stayed here.

"Can I stay with you tonight?" I whimpered, but the cringed when I thought of what she would do to my room.

"You can stay with me as long as you need. Plus, it's a fucking ice box in here." I nodded into his chest and bit my lip as I fluttered my eyes to dry them. I was angry that I let Dakota get to me so easily. "I'm sorry that had to happen," Tony whispered into my hair as I stretched out on the couch. I shrugged in response, not up to talking about it yet. Except for the one thing I wanted to know, even if I was afraid of the answer.

"Ton, what happened with you and her?" I whispered softly, looking up into his green eyes as he held my middle in his lap. He leaned down and softly kissed my nose. His eyes held an expression that told me he did not want to talk about it. But he sighed and pulled me up into a sitting position, tugging me as close as possible as he shifted around on the couch.

"You know what parties are like at the hockey house right? I know you haven't been to a lot of them, the ones you have attended have been very low key, invite only, but sometimes they can get out of control. The night Dakota was there was one of those nights. Everyone was beyond wasted and everyone was making out and having sex in all the rooms, including mine. I went in there and I was pretty plastered, and found Dakota passed out on my bed." Tony watched me cringe and stopped, "I don't have to continue..."

"No, please, it's okay. I really want to know." I assured him.

He heaved a deep sigh and continued while playing with my hair. "So Dakota wakes up as I'm changing my jeans and boxers because Joey split beer on my lap and it soaked through. She sees me naked below the waist and interprets it as an opportunity to try and hook up with me. At first I was totally not into it since I rarely hook up with drunk girls. But she grabbed me and started kissing me, the whole time giving me a hand job." He paused as my eyes lowered and burned with jealously, my skin practically turning green. He placed a soft kiss on my lips and then my eyelids.

"Hey, I love you, not her," He murmured, waiting for me to signal I was ready for him to continue. I squeezed his hand and swallowed hard.

"So things escalated and we ended up sleeping together." Tony squeezed my hips tightly, pressing me into his body so that I could feel how much this was killing him to tell me. "And the next morning I woke up feeling like absolute shit. Worst hangover in the world. But Dakota wakes up on top of the fucking world. She started babbling about how we could be together now, and how she's always wanted to date a Gopher hockey player. Obviously I was pissed for that comment, so I kicked her out. Then she came home and probably told you some bullshit story about how I was heartless." He finished.

"Basically," I mumbled under my breath. After Tony finished the story, my heart sunk in my chest. This whole time Tony and I had been dating, part of me had hoped and prayed that Dakota had been lying, that Tony and her never slept together, but it hurt to hear him confirm it. It hurt that they really did have sex and it made my skin crawl. My stomach heaved inside my body and I bit my lip to hold back the loud moan of pain I wanted to let loose. Tony brushed a hand through my hair and kissed me softly.

"That was three years ago, before I even met you." He whispered to me, a kiss going on a different part of my body with each word he spoke. "You're the only woman I have eyes for and you have officially ruined me for anyone else. It's you baby, you're the only one I want."

"I know. I get that, but Ton it still cuts deep," I closed my eyes and shook my head slowly.

Tony sighed, his chest rising and falling quickly as he continued to massage my back, his hands working on the stiff muscles. I hated the way I was reacting, taking it out on Tony as if Dakota didn't attack him, but I couldn't help it. I selfishly felt hurt and betrayed by him, some how expecting him to know three years ago before he even met me, how much sleeping with that blonde girl would hurt someone that he loved. It was ridiculous, but I couldn't help how I felt. My heart ached in my chest as images passed through my head like they always did, except this time so much more graphic, causing me to cringe away from Tony's touch.

"I'm going to pack," I whispered to him, but we both knew that was an excuse so he wouldn't touch me anymore.

I went into my room while Tony kept his butt planted on the couch, his eyes burning into my back. I shut my door so I could have a moment alone as I grabbed my travel bag from my closet, throwing a couple of shirts and pants in there before moving to my bathroom, and grabbing all the necessary items.

I glanced around my room, checking for anything I might want. I spotted Tony's Wayzata hockey sweatshirt, tugging it on over my t-shirt. I brought the grey collar to my nose, taking a deep breath and smelling his cologne along with his own tangy scent. I sighed and grabbed my bag, opening the door to find Tony still on the couch, elbows on is knees and his head in his hands. His head popped up, locking eyes with me. His green orbs held a high amount of sadness and regret, making mine reflect back guilt because it wasn't fair for me to treat him this way. I crossed the room to him, letting him grab my hips and pull me into him.

"I love it when you wear this," he told me, his lips moving along my jaw, making my head fill with the images of him and her again. Did he kiss her like this?

"Tony, I'm sorry. I don't have a right to be upset, but I am. For some reason the thought of you with that fucking slut makes me so jealous, I want to puke."

"Molly, I barely remember it," He cooed in a hushed tone, his thumbs brushing across my cheek bones.

"I don't care. What if you start comparing me to her? I'm not as practiced."

Tony chuckled softly, his eyes crinkling at the corners as his mouth turned up. "Baby, I love that I'm one of the only partners you've ever had." His lips pressed to my cheek.

"You're my second," I whispered, sort of embarrassed by how inexperienced I was. I wasn't stupid, no matter how nuts it made me, I knew Tony had his share of one night stands and puck fucks. Sometimes, like right now, just the thought made me ill.

"Baby, I'm going to do my best to make it up to you."

"You don't have to do that. I'm just being irrational." I shook my head at him.

"No, I hurt you. I need to make it up to you, because that's what you do when you cause someone else pain." He assured me, a sad smile stretching his lips.

"I'm sorry."

"No, I'm sorry." He pulled me into his chest even tighter, squishing me in his arms. "I wish I could take them all back."

Me too, Ton. Me too.
***

The next morning, I was awoken by the sudden urge to open my eyes. I shifted on my right side, moving around and stretching out across the mattress, surprised when my feet didn't brush against Tony's legs. When my eyes fluttered open, I was met face to face with my boyfriend who was softly stroking my cheek with the back of his knuckles. He smiled tenderly at me, his expression openly distraught. Last night, I hadn't said a word to him after we left my house, opting to head up the stairs and snuggle into his bed the moment we entered the hockey house. Tony didn't follow, instead playing Tony the entertainer to the several people who littered the hockey house. I didn't mind, falling asleep instantly until Tony slid into bed next to me, his arms squeezing me to his chest like if he let go; I would disappear.

"Morning," he murmured from his crouch nest to my side of the bed.

"Hi," I mumbled to him, throwing my arm lazily over his shoulder so it hung down his back, swinging in between his shoulder blades. He took the cue, scooping me up and carrying me from his room. I snuggled into his neck, placing my lips against his pulse.

"I'm sorry about last night. I was crabby and flaky. I love you, that won't change." I assured him, loving the way his eyes caught their sparkle again.

"I love you too. So much so that I made you breakfast." He grinned proudly as he walked into the kitchen, finding all of his teammates gorging on my breakfast.

"It's okay," I quickly uttered to Tony as his eyes bugged from his head, his cheeks heating up with anger. "I wasn't hungry anyway."

"Oh, was this for her?" Joey asked through a mouth full of food, his fork pointing at me with syrup dripped off the end.

"Yeah, you dip shits!" Tony exclaimed, setting me onto my feet. "God, you guys are a bunch of fucking mooches. I was trying to make a nice romantic gesture, and you shits ruined it."

"Making her breakfast won't change the fact that you fucked her roomie." David informed him nonchalantly, the words slipping out before he could stop them. His eyes widened as Tony stalked to him, grabbing his plate from in front of him and giving him a hard slap on the back of his head, the sound echoing through the quiet kitchen.

"Ouch," Aaron muttered, swallowing as he watched my boyfriend stomp to the sink and literally, throw David's plate in.

"Get out." He told his teammates who immediately began to move, grabbing bags or their keys, all of them filing out in a straight line.

"Just so you know, Tony makes damn good pancakes," Jake Cepis smiled and winked at me, the last one to leave the house. All was quite once the boys were gone. Tony looked out the window above the sink, his palms pressing down hard on the counter. I slowly crossed the kitchen, my hands touching his back as he tensed up, his jaw clenched.

"I really wish yesterday never happened," I confided to Tony, digging my fingers into his tight muscles.

"I wish Freshman year didn't happen. I'm such a moron." His hands ran around my back, dropping to my thighs and pulling me onto his back. "I can make more pancakes if you want," He suggested, turning his face to look at me.

"No, I appreciate it, but I'm feeling kind of sick," I told him truthfully, my stomach feeling a bit touchy just smelling the aroma from breakfast.

"Alright." He sighed, bringing me into the living room to watch TV.

We found a re-run of Reba on ABC Family, getting lost in the plot of the dysfunctional family. I giggled at Van's funny facial expression, turning to Tony who looked lost in thought, staring out the window.

"What's up?" I asked him, crawling into his lap and straddling his thighs.

"Just thinking," he mumbled, running an aggravated hand through his brown hair.

"Come on."

"I- it's just. Ugh. Last night you were whimpering and talking in your sleep, and you repeatedly kept saying 'how could he do this to me.'" A flash of hurt flickered across his face as he recalled the previous night.

"I don't remember that." I stated blankly.

"Of course you don't. But I do, and it was terrible for me to listen to you say that. It kind of burns in the worst of ways."

"Tony, I doubt I was talking about you."

"Really? Then who else?" He gave me a skeptical look, both of us knowing who I had been muttering about. "I understand it's not fair that you have to deal with this and it's killing me because I know it's eating away at you. But no matter how much I wish I could, I can't take it back."

"I know," I breathed to him, watching as his eyes slid shut, not able to look at me anymore. I let my eyelids flutter to dry up the tears that Tony had seen, telling myself to stop acting like such a baby.

"We'll be okay thought, right?" He asked me, eyes still shut tightly.

Even though there was a slight clenching in my stomach, I nodded and leaned down close, kissing him with reassurance. As I pulled back to see Tony's still sad eyes that were now open, I once again found myself cursing Dakota in my head for making things more difficult with Tony than they ever had to be.