Everything I've Ever Wanted

My fingers drummed against the wood arm of my chair as I tapped them to Tony who was asleep in the chair next to me. I glanced over at Kara who was typing up notes on her laptop as the guest speaker explained another aspect of economics that I didn't give a shit about. I was much more concerned about my very hungover boyfriend. He was starting to snore now, his chest rising and falling while steady snores exhaled from his body. I jostled his shoulder to silence him once again, frowning deeply as he stayed asleep.

The saddest part about this was that sleeping in class had become a daily occurrence for my boyfriend. It seemed like since hockey ended, Tony found it acceptable to party hard all night and only drag himself out of bed when I was there tugging on his hand. It hurt to see him so distraught, but it hurt more to not be able to do anything about it. I knew he would do anything to be able to play four more years at the U and to be coached by his dad. He loved hockey and it was difficult for him to accept that he would never pull the M on again, despite the times he told me he was over it.

He spent his nights getting wasted with his fellow teammates and we were now to the point that I didn't even bother going to the hockey house anymore. He drank to the point of passing out which told me he would be keeping it in his pants. Plus, I don't find it sexy watching him stumble around and spill booze all over himself.

"Think he will ever be able to stay awake?" Kara giggled, shaking her head at Tony.

"No." I stated dryly, shoving Tony with more force.

His eyes snapped open and he looked over at me squinting as he pushed himself upward and out of his awkward slouch. He stretched his arms, yawning loudly before draping an arm around my shoulders. His head followed his arm falling onto my shoulder where he snuggled in for the rest of class. I sighed feeling helplessly hopeless as of what to do for my pathetic boyfriend.

A couple loud snores later, class ended and I stood up, letting Tony free fall into my seat. He awoke immediately, reaching his hand out to stop his momentum. I raised an eyebrow at his glare; a clear sign for him to back off. Kara brushed past me waving goodbye as she high tailed it to where Mike was most likely waiting for her.

"Up." Tony whined to me, extending his arms. I sighed, rolling my eyes and grabbing his hands helping him hoist himself up. He took a moment to stretch his arms above his hat clad head, exposing a decent amount of his belly button along with his happy trail. He rubbed his eyes pushing his glasses up and scrubbing the tired skin; he looked exhausted. His beautiful green eyes flashed open and he gave me a light smile grabbing my hand and his backpack before heading outside.

The end of March brought with it a warm breeze along with a satisfactory sign that spring was here. I just prayed Minnesota didn't stick to it's usual ritual and drop 6 inches of snow around this time. Tony and I were silent as we walked through campus our fingers lazily hooked together; our interlocked fingers were the only thing keeping us together.

"Are you mad at me?" Tony asked as we turned out of the mall and into Dinkytown.

"No."

"That sounded convincing." He snorted, pulling his hand away and ripping his hat off to run a hand through his still bed head hair.

"You are hungover and I'm not going to fight with you right now." I told him shrugging my shoulders and crossing my arms over my chest.

"I didn't do anything." He huffed out as I slowly turned to look at him, eyebrow cocked in interest. "I didn't." He spoke sternly, his eyes ablaze.

"I never said you did." I stated simply, glancing at the firm line his mouth made.

"Why are you acting like it then?" He fired back, a definite spit in his voice.

"I'm not. You're the one with your panties in a twist, Ton. I didn't say or do anything that said I'm mad at you."

"You have that look on your face."

"I'm not mad." I sighed, stopping as we reached the sidewalk in front of the hockey house. We turned towards each other as I bit my lip nervously. Tony had a bad temper, Italian, one of the worst to mess with, and I didn't want to fight with him. I hated it. "I'm frustrated with how you are acting. You're better than this." I sweeped my hand up and down his body in the air. I cringed inwardly as Tony squinted, his face flushing with anger. A flashback to when he started yelling at me in the living room a few months ago danced across my brain.

"How am I acting? Molly, I have always acted like this. I'm a college guy and I'm acting like we do."

"No, you're acting like they do. You don't act like that. My boyfriend doesn't act like that." I stressed.

"They are my teammates." He snarled. I took a step back from him, sending a warning look.

"They may be your teammates, but I always liked that you didn't act like them."

"What do you mean act like them?" He asked, his eyes narrowed as the muscles in his neck strained. I sucked in a nervous breath knowing that happened when Tony was really heated about something.

"Like a dumbass college kid who doesn't do anything but drink." I told him honestly, watching with pursed lips as he glowered at me.

"It's not hot that you think you're better that that, better than me. Get off your high horse, Molly." Tony rolled his eyes as he turned.

"This has nothing to do with me thinking I'm better than you or your friends, Tony. It's the way you are acting as if nothing matters besides your next drink. That isn't you; this isn't you. And while we are talking about what's not hot, watching you get wasted off your ass isn't attractive either."

"Oh, my bad. I forgot, it's all about you and what you want and need." Tony snorted, "God you are unbelievable."

"Really? Because I recall not wanting to have this conversation. I knew this was how it would end." I hissed at him, my eyes narrowing darkly at him. The fire around my pupils was bursting and the flames licked at my eyes making them get darker until they were a completely different shade of green.

"Well, I'm glad we did so I could shed a little light as to who you really are. Sorry I'm not good enough for you either." My snarl turned into a deep frown as he turned and walked up the sidewalk to the porch, the look on his face making my heart of steel crack.

"Ton, you are a major pain in the ass, but that doesn't mean you aren't good enough." I yelled to him. He paused at the door handle turning towards me with a pained look on his face.

"Just stay away, Molly. I don't want to rub off on you the wrong way." He walked into the house after that leaving me on the sidewalk with a bad twist of guilt in my stomach.
***

My eyes tailed over the same line in my book for the fifteenth time as I tried to take my wandering mind away from the hockey house that was blocks away. I was worried about Tony. It was Saturday night which meant the biggest party of the weekend was going on, and I was at home thinking about all the ways my boyfriend could get himself hurt. The visions were bad and there were some too painful for me to even think of.

I glanced over to the kitchen counter looking at the apology cupcakes I had made my boyfriend despite the fact that I had nothing to apologize for. I then looked to the clock, biting the inside of my cheek. It was 10:30 which meant the party was in full swing and Tony most likely had a nice buzz going. I grabbed my phone from beside my now shut book and opened a new text to Kara.

How is Tony?

I fluttered around my room gathering up an acceptable outfit in case Kara's news didn't make me happy.

He is crazy wasted and blubbering about your fight. I can't count how many times he's told a girl who was trying to pick him up: I love my girlfriend so much. I wish I wasn't such an asshole. I'm not good enough for her. If she was smart, she'd leave.

I wrinkled my eyebrows in confusion having no clue why Tony was all of a sudden so insecure about our relationship. I shook my head as I shoved my phone in my purse and headed out to the hockey house.

The second I walked into the familiar white door, cupcakes in hand, a strong wave of booze and sweat hit my nose. It wrinkled in response as I climbed the stairs to where the party goers were packed into the living room grinding together as one big group. I spotted Kara and Mike in the kitchen carefully moving through the room and cringing every time someone's butt rubbed against my body. I let out a relieved sigh as I finally pushed through, falling into the kitchen.

"Aw, Molly, you shouldn't have!" Mike exclaimed grabbing the plastic container of the sugary sweets.

"Then it's a good thing I didn't." I winked at him setting the cakes on top of the fridge. I rolled my eyes at my useless actions knowing they would be gone before Tony even got one. "Where is he?" I asked Kara as she stirred her red drink with her finger.

She nodded her head downstairs where I knew the beer pong table was located. Kara lead the way to the wood stairs and we cautiously went down to where half the team was watching Joey and Tony face off against Aaron and Jordan. I sat down on the stairs waving to Jess who was sitting in the corner rolling her eyes at her boyfriend. Joey sank the white ball in the gold liquid earning my attention as the room erupted with cheers. Tony and Joey gave each other an off balanced high five as it was Tony's turn. He sunk the ball too and Jordan along with Aaron got a tad bit tipsier.

"Look at you showing off for your girlfriend," Aaron bellowed loudly; a couple of the words slurring together. All the attention in the room shifted from Tony to me including those green eyes that had a permanent pull on me. Our eyes met and he looked away almost like he was ashamed to be doing the same thing I had called him out on four days ago.

"I'm out." Tony mumbled, shoving his hands into his pockets and pushing past us up the stairs.

"Tony! Are you fucking kidding me!? We were winning! Now we lost!" Joey screamed.

"There are bigger things than this. Sorry you didn't care about the team enough to give your maximum effort on the ice like you give it for drinking games." He spat down to Joey silencing his protests. The room stayed silent for a couple more seconds before Ryan Flynn stepped in to challenge Joey to a rematch from a couple weeks ago where Ryan threw up before the game was over.

I walked up the stairs reaching the top as Tony was walking out the front door. I sighed, going to the kitchen and grabbing the cup cakes before charging after him. I looked down at the box, satisfied that there were still 24 blue cupcakes in the container. My boyfriend was halfway down the block before I reached the cool air, following him. The soft clicking of my heels against the concrete informed Tony that I was coming after him, but he didn't change his pace.

"I want to be alone." He mumbled as I caught up to him reaching for his hand as he harshly pulled away. "Don't touch me." There was no snap to his voice only the bland sound of someone who was bored or just not feeling up to fighting someone off. I obliged to Tony's request stepping towards the street and a couple feet away from him.

"No. I go there; you go here." He insisted grabbing my shoulder and maneuvering me so he was on the side where the street was.

"Tony, I love you." I whispered to him after several long minutes of silence passed. "Don't question that."

"I know." He murmured quietly his lips set in a frown.

"Then what is going on?" I asked grabbing his wrists because his hands were stuffed into his pockets. He stopped when I stepped in front of him my hands sliding up his chest and to the back of his neck where my fingers glided into his hair. They twirled softly in the silk of the strands as he closed his eyes and exhaled deeply.

"I'm kind of drowning." He whispered.

"I can see that." I cooed to him encouraging him to continue.

"Baby, I messed up. I keep looking back and I didn't do half as much as I could have. I didn't leave it all on the ice. I still have a lot left in me." He confessed, angry and sad tears brimming n his eyes.

"Oh Tony, you can't change that. It's time to move on."

"I wasn't good enough on the ice. I didn't do what I needed to. I didn't lead the way I was expected to. I didn't do enough. And if I'm not good enough for the team, I'm not good enough for someone as exceptional as you." He whimpered softly after he said that, his heart cracking a bit as if he actually believe what he was saying.

"Don't talk like that." I breathed out, my voice shaking as I tried not to cry. How could he believe the things he was saying? "Tony, you did everything you needed to and beyond what you were expected to. Yeah, there were times were you didn't play well, but none of that matters. What does though is that you went out there and you played as hard as you could at that moment. You did that; don't sit there and tell me you didn't. And being good enough for me is decided by how you love me. You love me and care about me in ways I never thought possible. You make me feel so incredible, Tony Lucia. And I swear if you ever talk like this again, I'm going to hit you." I smiled down at him as he struggled to not let his tears fall. I looked away so he could brush his tears away knowing it would put a huge chip in his man armor if I did that for him.

"Tony, it's time to move on." I smiled lightly to ease my words.

"It's too hard."

"You can do it."

"Only with you." He whispered, scooping me up as I wrapped my legs around his waist. I nuzzled his nose softly as he squeezed my butt in his hands.

"Love me?" He whimpered pathetically.

"Baby, you know the rule. No sex when you are drunk."

"I'm not."

"Tony."

"Fuck." He complained, a whine in his voice that resembled a little boy.

I giggled at him as he sat on the curb with me on his lap. He looked up at me as he laid back on the concrete sidewalk hands on my hips before they slid to my butt. His eyes were dewy thanks to the alcohol and the view he was getting as I leaned down for him to see down my flowy shirt getting a free peak of my purple bra. His pupils dilated as he slid his hands up my sides and across to my breasts, cupping one in each large hand. He ran his tongue over his lips as I leaned down to press my lips to his.

"Mmm. More." He demanded when I pulled away for a lung full of air.

"Anthony, not on the street."

"Why?" He whined again as he sat up to bury his face in my cleavage. He nipped, sucked, and licked at my skin, and through my moans of approval, I hoped a car wouldn't pass by.

"Ton, No." I whimpered as his hand cupped me through my jeans. I wiggled into a standing position and looked down at my very aroused boyfriend.

"Now I have to walk around with a raging hard on!" He pouted at me. "And it's you fault."

"Good." I laughed as he grabbed my hands and pulled me back down. I let out a loud shriek as I crashed into the cushion of Tony's muscular body.

"You're a tease."

"You love it." I insisted as he pressed my hips into his, both of us groaning softly.

"Only when I get some." He winked, the corners of his mouth tight to hold back a laugh.

"Bring me home and I'll let you have your way with me." I suggested, my voice sexy as I nipped at the soft spot below his ear.

His eyes got wide and he scooped me up practically running back to my house. Usually I was strict about my no sex rule, but Tony needed love, and who was I to deny him of that wonderful right. Plus, I would do anything to see that gorgeous smile on his face, and sex with him wasn't exactly punishment. I giggled as he pushed through the door of my house, pinning me against the wall and removing my shirt.

"You might need to remind me to be gentle." Tony groaned as he unclasped my bra and let it fall to the floor of the entry way.

"If I wanted it gentle, I wouldn't have teased you so bad." I winked at him, referring to the way my fingers had slipped under the waistband of his jeans and had fodled with him the whole way home.

"Oh god, you're going to be the death of me."

"Yeah, but what a way to go." I giggled, slapping his ass as he charged up the stairs, wasting no time in having his way with me.