Everything I've Ever Wanted

Three weeks, 21 day, 504 hours; gone. All of those moments, all of those times, Tony and I had left were now gone. Weeks in the past and now the future we couldn't escape was here, pounding on the door and my brain even as I attempted to forget while cutting up fruit for a salad needed for Tony's going away party. The shindig had been thrown together quickly after I had began to rent a new apartment in the middle of Minnesota's capital, St. Paul.

Tony helped me move in just as I helped him move out of his college residence a few weeks prior. Now, I was all settled in to my new home and my new job, while Tony was about to be uprooted halfway across the country, and too far away from me. A sick twist in my gut rocked me as I thought of tomorrow. How could the day already be here? How could he already be leaving for California? But most of all, how could all of that time have passed in the blink of an eye? What happened to having all the time in the world to be together?

"Babe?" Tony called as his knuckles rapped on the door before he appeared in the door way with a couple cases of beer and pop. "I'm pretty sure I'll have to run to get more, but that's fine." He shrugged, placing the packs on the black granite counter top.

"Or we can send someone else. This is about you, baby." I told him, cutting up a few slices of strawberries. I threw them in the large bowl filled with watermelon, blueberries, cantaloupe, and a lot more strawberries before putting the plastic wrap over it, and placing the salad into the fridge.

"You look pretty." Tony motioned to my green dress, something I had picked up for the occasion.

"Thanks, you're looking sexy." I murmured, smiling as I stepped towards him. I wrapped my arms around his back and squeezed him softly. His large paws rested on my hips rotating them suggestively so my back was turned to him, butt pressing against his crotch teasingly. "Baby, we don't have time. You need to shower." I told him, sighing as I tilted my head to look at his pout.

"Why did you shower without me?"

"Because I need more time to get ready. You shouldn't have taken so long at the store." I shrugged my shoulders, grinning up at his pursed lips and narrowed eyes.

"I see how it is." Tony nodded his head in mock understanding, sniffing dramatically. He pushed me forward, hips knocking into mine as he walked out of the kitchen defeatedly. I giggled and pranced after him, hopping on his back when he was in the doorway of the bathroom.

"I wasn't done snuggling with you!" I exclaimed, hitting his chest with a light pat.

"You told me to get in the shower!" He mumbled exasperatedly.

"Yeah, but I'm not ready to let go." I murmured, talking not only about right now, but tomorrow as well.

"Then shower with me." Tony suggested, walking fully into the room with me clinging to his back.

"Nope." I told him, leaping from his back, my feet landing with a soft thud. "My hair took too long to ruin."

"That's too bad. " Tony sighed as a sweet smile spread his lips, "Cause those curls are going to be demolished when I'm done with you tonight." His eyes twinkled lustfully as I backed out of the bathroom, throwing Tony a smirk before I shut the door behind me.

I bit my lip as I walked back to the kitchen to finish preparing the various food dishes for the party. I tried to focus on the task at hand, but it was hard to ignore the lead weight that was pressing against the pit of my stomach. The feeling brought with it dread and a bucket of loud tears which I had learned all too well over the past couple weeks. I flipped on my iPod when the silence got to be too much, letting the voices of Rascal Flatts push the bad feelings away. Tony emerged from the bathroom dressed in jeans and a black sweater, his hair still damp as he toweled it off. The dark strands stood on end after the cloth passed over it, giving him wild spikes while making me smile.

"My mom called as I got out of the shower. She said she got a cake, and Joey and Kara are five minutes away." He informed me while ripping open the beverage packages. He started stacking them in the fridge while I set everything out just as my phone rang, the front door calling me.

"Hello?"

"Let me in!" Kara pleaded, a giddy feminine giggle flowing just before Joey's voice came next.

"Actually, we're good down here." He chuckled loudly as Kara shrieked. I snorted and buzzed them in before ending the call.

"The lovers are here." I rolled my eyes at Tony who smiled, shrugging his broad shoulders.

"We're cuter than them, babe. Don't worry."

"Seriously." I giggled as he nipped at my neck while I wandered to the door, opening it up for my two friends. "Hi." I smiled at them as they walked in, eyes wide as they scanned my new place.

"Damn, Mol. I love this place," Kara murmured, taking in the maple cupboards, black granite and beautiful wood floors.

"It's nice." I confessed, letting my eyes roam the rooms, "But I need to paint and add my own touch to it. Everything is way too white for me."

"True, but it isn't half bad right now." Kara pointed out.

"It will due until I have time." I stated, walking to the kitchen, my heels clicking softly.

"Tony." Kara greeted him with a hug.

"Kara, you're still with this tool?" Tony chuckled, slapping Joey on the back as the two best friends rolled their eyes at each other.

"I don't know what it is, but I keep coming back for more." She sighed jokingly.

"It's the sex." Joey stated confidently causing a blush to creep up Kara's neck.

"I doubt it." I mumbled, smiling at Joey's glare.

"I've got moves that could knock your socks off. Much better than anything Lucia's got."

"You don't have the pretty face." I informed him, shrugging at his appalled look. "Sorry, sweetie, you just don't do it for me like Ton."

"You have bad taste." Joey concluded earning a slap in the back of the head from Tony.

A couple hours later, the apartment was filled with friends and family of both Tony and I. The two of us barely had a moment to see one another as we walked around and mingled with our guests. Several of Tony's teammates showed up to bid him adieu, bringing along their girlfriends to complete the puzzle that was the Gopher hockey team this year. It was difficult to converse with everyone, especially when they asked about tomorrow. How will you handle it? Are you worried about him? Why can't you go with? Are you going to cry? I chuckled at the last one, looking at the ditzy blonde who was dating Alex Kangas.

"Of course I'll cry. I'm going to miss him so much." I gulped down the rest of my drink. "Excuse me." I murmured to her, politely dipping out of the conversation.

My chest felt tight and my eyes were starting to burn as I walked to the open door, glancing over my shoulder at the party that was going on around me. They all laughed and mingled, enjoying their time together while I was drowning in the thought of Tony leaving tomorrow. The other people in the apartment could appreciate their last day with Tony while I couldn't get the thought of goodbye out of my head. I felt like I was suffocating in the room, all of the people and the walls seemed to be closing in the more the lump pushed against my throat. My eyes landed on Kara who was watching me from a chair next to the island in the kitchen. I gave her a weak smile before fleeing from the apartment, heading down the hall to the public balcony that overlooked the Mississippi River.

The lights of the city twinkled off the water as a cool breeze flew into my lungs, temporarily easing the burning. I blinked rapidly to salvage my makeup but it didn't work. Tears leaked out after being held in for so long. The realization hit me hard that I could no longer bullshit myself about tomorrow. It was coming like a freight train with no brakes. I couldn't stop or freeze time to have a couple more moments with Tony. Life as we knew it was ending and reality was taking over. My body felt weak and exhausted from thinking about this so much, but most of all, my heart hurt. It ached painfully in my chest, causing my hand to clutch at the tightness. I licked my lips, my brain running through all the options I could bring up for why he shouldn't go. But they didn't matter because there was one reason why he should: He wanted to go. And that was enough for me, but that didn't make it easier to let him go.

I pathetically slumped down against the railing of the balcony, tears falling at will as I blinked. The soft click of heels sounded behind me and I didn't need to turn around to know it was Kara. She came next to me, mirroring my position but she didn't utter a word. She stayed quiet like the night and me, the only sound of cars passing below our feet. Our breathing was steady with the breeze as our minds ran over what to say. The sentences should have been easy, the words should have spilled out, but they seemed to be blocked by a wall that wanted to keep our real feelings hidden.

I glanced at Kara and she looked back at me, eyes softly glowing at me in the night. I blew out a sigh, shaking my head as I felt the words beginning to form on my tongue. They piled together until they filled my mouth and I had to spill them out or I feared I would choke on them.

"You know I want to ask him to stay." I whispered to Kara, my voice cracking even at the soft murmur. The words I wanted to express to Tony pushed through the cold wall and spilled into the night.

"Yes." She told me, her arm wrapping around me and squeezing me tightly to her. I tried to hold back the well of tears but they trailed down my face like they had a right to fall.

"I can't. I can't be the reason he doesn't go. But at the same time, I want him to choose to stay." I whispered. "I want to mean enough to him that he doesn't go." I pursed my lips against the loud sob that racked my chest, sucking in a deep breath through my nose.

"If he leaves tomorrow, it's not because he doesn't love you." Kara shook her head slowly, grey eyes soft with tears of her own. "He needs to do this, you know it and so does he." I nodded my agreement, blowing out a huge sigh as my chest heaved and then relaxed, my hair flipping straight out from the puff of air.

A thick silence settled over the two of us again as I tilted my head to rest on her shoulder, looking out at the city of St. Paul. I closed my eyes as a cool breeze tickled my face, making me shiver as it touched the cool wetness from my tears. For some reason that just made me cry harder until I was full on sobbing on Kara as she tried to get me to calm down. But nothing helped, not with Tony leaving tomorrow. How was I supposed to make it without him? He had been such a central point in my life for the past year, I couldn't do this without him. I needed him to help me push through. Staying here and fulfilling my dream meant nothing without him.

"Mol, it's not like you're never going to hear from the guy again. He'll miss you just as much as you'll miss him. Probably even more because he is choosing to leave."

"It won't be the same," I croaked out, rubbing under my eyes to no avail as more tears slipped from my green eyes.

"No, but it will be something." Kara shrugged, turning to look at me sympathetically. I cringed as the door to the patio opened up knowing without looking that it would be Tony. Kara turned to look towards the door, sighing softly and standing up straight. "Whatever you do; bite your tongue." She patted my back softly before walking into the building, the loud clicking of her heels growing softer until the door cut off the sound.

"Nice night." Tony commented casually, going to the edge of the balcony to casually lean against the railing on the opposite side from me, eyes locked on the St. Paul skyline.

"I guess," I blew out with my sigh, running my hands over my curls to tame them from the wind. I straightened up to join him, padding across the patio without my heels adorning my feet. I slid into my spot next to Tony, lacing my fingers together and leaning on my forearms to look down at the city below.

"Are you going to be okay if I leave?" Tony whispered softly to me still looking out at the city. I was silent, pondering that question to answer it just the right way

"I will be." I settled on a future tense for how okay I will be. Tony just nodded, eyes squinting out into the night.

"I have to go, Mol. It's not a maybe thing; I have to go try." Tony stressed softly to me, turning his body so he was finally facing me. I looked down at the ground, biting my lip to keep the tears at bay. I settled for nodding as his arms encircled my body, lifting me into his body and off the ground. "This isn't about you."

"I know." I choked out through the lump in my throat. "But that doesn't make it easier to watch you go." I couldn't count how many times my voice cracked, the pain radiating through my body as I tried to keep my breathing and voice even while squashing the tears. I pulled away to look down at him, biting my tongue like Kara told me to do, but my eyes gave me away.

"Don't. Please, just don't." Tony whispered, his green eyes holding pain in them as I looked down, giving him a desperate look. "If you ask; I will."

"I-I'm not going to." I assured him, pursing my lips and doing everything I possibly could to stop my quivering chin. "Can we just-just not talk, please." I asked him, blinking as I laid my head on his shoulder. He nodded, turning to give me a kiss on the lips. I savored the feeling, tugging on his bottom lip softly as he let out an airy moan.

"Do me a favor?" Tony asked after several minutes of silence and walking us to sit on the bench resting next to the wall of the building.

"Mmm?" I mumbled, eyes closed as I took in his scent and the feel of his warmth next to mine. His fingers ran up and down my smooth legs, goosebumps forming in the wake of his fingers.

"Have a lot of fun while I'm gone." He chuckled softly. "Go crazy and take lots of pictures, then send them to me."

"Pictures aren't the same," I told him, pressing a kiss to the underside of his chin. His eyes closed as the breeze knocked around his thick, dark locks.

"No, but they will do." He murmured. "Are you going to come see me when I get all settled in?" He asked, tracing a heart on my knee cap.

"Of course. I'll bring my camera and irritate you with all the picture snapping." I winked at him as he groaned in fake protest. "Oh, you know you love being my model."

"Yep." Tony and I both chuckled before falling silent once again.

I did my best at pushing tomorrow out of my mind since we still had tonight to be together. One last time to sleep in each others arms before Tony would head to California. I sighed softly, nuzzling my nose into his neck as my hands trailed down south, skimming over his zipper as he jumped slightly.

"There is one good thing left about tonight," I whispered against his adam's apple, watching it bob as he swallowed loudly. "I have one night to do all the dirty things I've ever wanted to do to you." I winked at him, pressing my lips to his as I straddled his lap. He pressed his hips gently into mine, making the both of us moan in appreciation for the other.

"It's a damn shame all of those people are still in your apartment." Tony hissed at me, his fingers pressing into my hips.

"Maybe if you just walk in there looking like this; they will get the memo and leave." I laughed as Tony snorted, shaking his head at the idea.

"How about I just take you right here?"

"Are you joking?" I whispered as his hand trailed down to his belt buckle, undoing it as he looked up at me.

"You have a flowy dress on babe." He stated almost matter of factly.

"Tony, um, I don't think-" He cut me off with his fingers pressing against my clit through the fabric of my black lace panties. I leaned my head back, a long, strangled moan slipping from my throat as my head began to swim, forgetting why I was objecting in the first place.

"Give me your phone," he whispered against my neck where he was sucking on my pulse. I grasped at the bench, my fingers finally sliding over the smooth surface of my phone just as one of Tony's finger slid into me. My eyes went wide and I chomped down on my tongue to hold in the scream that I wanted to let loose. He knew just how to tease me, and make me beg for more. "Be quiet." He instructed me, smirking as I tried to glare at him but my eyes melted into pleasure. "Joey, get everyone out." Tony stated, listening for a response before grinning widely at me. "Fuck that, I'm well past second, and I'm most definitely rounding third."

"Ton," I breathed out as he slid in and out slowly, teasing me because he knew how bad I wanted to beg for more. But I would never, ever give Joey Miller the satisfaction of knowing what I was like during sex.

"Bye." Tony hung up, slipping my phone into the pocket of his jeans that were growing tighter by the second. "Come on," Tony murmured, lifting me into his arms and sliding his fingers out of me. I groaned in immediate protest, already missing the feeling. It felt so good, so intoxicatingly good. I never wanted him to stop.

Tony walked us slowly back to my apartment and by the time we got there, everyone was gone. He kicked the door shut, pinning me against it and immediately fusing his lips to my neck and collarbone. I murmured my approvals as I looked around at the mess I would have to clean up tomorrow after Tony was gone. Tony hit my sweet spot on my neck, sucking the skin into his mouth and making my back arch, my chest slamming against his.

"Okay. Bedroom." I wheezed out, my head spinning from the rapid flowing of my blood. My heart was already pounding in my chest just from the simple brush of Tony against me. I sucked my top lip into my mouth as he pressed my hips into his the whole way to my bedroom. He shut that door too, moving to the bed and crawling up it with me. He set my head on the pillow, his lips hovering over mine before pressing all over my face and then down my neck to bury in my cleavage. I licked my lips in anticipation of his tongue gliding over my puckered flesh the feeling taking me by surprise. My eyes fluttered open and I looked down, watching his hand snack over my belly button ring and slip into my panties.

"I'm going to miss this." Tony whispered into my mounds of flesh, his lips moving against them as he spoke.

"Me too." I whispered truthfully, my hands shoved into his hair, pulling at the locks lightly each time his fingers passed over my slick lips. His tongue glided across my breasts and then moved down my stomach, leaving a trail of wetness before he reached the band of my panties. I widened my eyes when he took them into his mouth, tugging them down my hips and chuckling at my surprised expression.

"You're not the only one who has been imagining dirty things, my dear." He whispered huskily, his green eyes dark and sexy.

His mouth pressed into me as his fingers glided inside of me, successfully taking my mind off of what tomorrow would bring. I arched my chest into him, squeezing his fingers as he pumped in and out of me with the touch of a professional. The soft, throaty sounds that slipped from my mouth were enough to make Tony pick up the tempo telling me he wanted to replace his fingers with himself. I giggled softly as he finally tore his mouth away, tugging me by my hips closer to his. He undid his belt buckle as he pushed my dress up to pool about under my breasts.

Tony pulled himself out, pushing a condom down the plump head and then his length before he looked up at me with a sexy wink, his large hands spreading my legs wider. He settled himself in between them as I worked his sweater up and off of his body to expose his thick chest. I ran my fingers over the fine hairs, enjoying the way they tickled my palms and the rumble that shook his chest. He stood poised, thick and ready, at my opening as I looked into his eyes, blinking back the few tears that were randomly pressing against my eyelids.

"Don't cry. You know I'll make sure everything is okay." Tony murmured to me, his lips brushing against mine teasingly as I slapped at his shoulder.

"Don't act like you don't know why I'm crying." I pouted at him.

"I know why you are, and I'm serious. Everything will be okay. Just enjoy this." He told me before he thrust into me slowly, filling me to the capacity and stealing the breath from my lungs. And with that, I came to the conclusion that worrying about tomorrow could wait. Because I was now down to less than twelve hours to enjoy Tony's company before he was gone.