Everything I've Ever Wanted

I took a deep breath as I came to section 20, cautiously glancing down the stairs to where Tony's mom sat. I slowly descended the stairs until I was parallel with her. She looked up from the program in her lap, smiling brightly and pulling me into a hug.

"Hi Honey!" She greeted me.

"Hi," I smiled back at her taking my seat on her left, the last in the row.

"Have you been to a Gopher hockey game before?" She asked.

"I've been to a couple, but mostly I watch them on TV." I told her, clapping as the Gophers entered the ice for warm ups.

"Tony's excited you're here," She informed me. I smiled at her, knowing Tony would be so embarrassed if he knew what she was doing.

"I'm excited to watch him play."

We say back down in our seats, falling quiet as we watched them take shots on the open net. Tony rounded by us, stick handling around one of his teammates, Aaron Ness, and throwing a joke at him as he skated by. His smile reflected on my face as two brunette women stopped at our row. I looked up, instantly recognizing them as Tony's sisters, Ali and Jessica.

"Wow, you're too pretty for Tony," the first once giggled, pulling me into a hug. "I'm Jessica, Tony's favorite sister."

"I'm Ali and Jessica doesn't know what she's talking about," the darker brunette told me, wrapping her arms around me. In the couple days I had known the Lucia family, I had already figured out that they loved to hug people.

"I'm Molly," I introduced myself, sitting down next to Joyce again.

The daughters and their mother started to catch up and I felt my attention drifting back to the number 12 as he skated off the ice, slapping hands with the little kids who leaned over the railing. I sighed and leaned back into the chair, looking around at Mariucci arena, the one place I always enjoyed attending games. For some reason, being here felt like being home

Pre-game festivities went on around me as I tuned in and out of the girls' conversation, not too focused since I had no idea who they were talking about. All of a sudden, the players came running onto the ice and I grinned, standing up and clapping to the band as they played the Minnesota rouser. Tony was the last on the ice like always and I felt myself beam with pride at the "C" located over his heart. Nobody deserved that more than him.

The players lined up on the red line, the opposing team getting announced first and then it turned to the Gophers. I cheered extra loud along with the other three sitting next to me when Tony's name was called. He was lined up next to the boards closest to us and I noticed the tiny smirk on his face. The national anthem was played and the players did a couple more laps before they lined up for the opening face off.

The whole game I was on the edge of my seat, leaning and moving with Tony as he battled through the game. I grimaced as I watched a player cross-check Tony in front of the next, sending him flailing to the ice with no call from the ref. Tony shook his head slightly as he picked himself up off the ice after the whistle was blown for off sides. He stepped off the ice, snow covering his back as he sat on the bench, hanging his head for a minute before shaking it off.

"That was a cross-check," I muttered, Joyce immediately smiling at me.

"You'll see a lot of that," she told me, patting my knee.

"That's bullshit," I pouted before I could stop the cuss from exiting my mouth. I laughed and blushed slightly.

"It's alright," she winked before turning back to the game.

The rest of the game passed very quickly as the Gophers pummeled Bemiji State, winning by a final score of 6-1. Tony had 3 assists, starting his weekend series off in grand fashion. I sighed tiredly as the Gophers excited the ice to the thunderous cheer of their fans. The Lucia girls laughed at me.

"It's tiring having someone you care about playing out there," Jessica murmured, sitting back in her seat.

"Wow, that was really intense. I've just realized I don't like it when he gets checked," I concluded, sounding like his girlfriend.

"You get used to it and eventually stop worrying about him constantly. But there are still moments of concern," Joyce told me.

I nodded and stood up with them, heading down to the room where the families and friends were told to wait. I ran my fingers through my hair, fluffing if out a bit as I thought of where I fitted in. Tony and I were, what, friends? I wasn't even sure if I fitted into that category. Everything seemed to happen so fast. One day I was talking about how much I despised him and the next I was imagining what his lips would feel like on mine. The only thing I knew for certain was that the feelings I had for Tony were deep and hard to explain.

I chatted with the rest of Tony's family and was introduced to his tall, little brother Mario. The kid towered over me and he was only 16. He looked just like Tony except for his sandy, blonde hair. He had along a couple of his friends and I tried not to feel uncomfortable as they sized me up, blatantly comparing me to Tony's ex-girlfriend, also a brunette.

Tony came out just as the shorter of Mario's friends, Tim, commented that I was definitely bustierthan the girl I now knew as Alex. Tony glowered at him, a look only the girls saw, and came up behind Tim, pulling him into a head lock and sending him to the ground.

"If you want to be able to walk, first of all, shut your mouth. Second, apologize, now."

"Ow! Tony, I'm sorry," He screamed as Tony put more pressure against his head.

"Don't apologize to me, apologize to her." Tony told him, smiling up at me.

"I don't know her name," Tim literally squealed back to Tony.

"Molly."

"I'm sorry Molly. I'm a prick!" He exclaimed right after Tony told him my name.

"It's alright. I forgive you for being a horny teenage boy." I laughed as Tony released him and he tried to walk away with a bit of his dignity left.

"Sorry, he's a little shit," Tony whispered in my ear, wrapping his arms around me and giving me a friendly squeeze. He pulled away quickly and for some reason it felt like a slap to the face. I guess that was his way of halting my racing mind. We were only friends.

Tony greeted his family and I once again felt myself fading into the background, watching him tease his brother and sisters but always being respectful to his mom. He had the gentleman act down so well that I wondered how someone like him could just throw Dakota out on the street. I felt my whole body freeze when I remembered that, a weird feeling coming over me like I was falling through the air and then crashed into the ground as reality washed over me. As I crashed down, I realized how wrong it was for me to be with Tony.

His conversation with his parents seemed to be wrapping up as I pushed my walls back up. I bit my lips as Tony turned towards me, eyes sparkling with excitement. And it almost made me feel bad for what I was about to do.

"Are you ready to go?" He asked, grabbing my hand. I nodded, smiling slightly because I wasn't going to shut him down in front of his family.

"You kids have a good time tonight," Joyce told us, hugging me and then Tony. "You should come to dinner on Sunday," she insisted.

"Mom, don't maker her feel like she has too," Tony grimaced slightly.

"I'm not. I was being polite and I'd like to get to know her better outside of a hockey game. But we can talk about it tomorrow at the game. So you think about it and let me know," She defended, smiling at me. I faked a smile back, not having the heart to tell her I wouldn't be there on Sunday.

"Come around anytime," Ali assured me after I had hugged and said goodbye to Jessica. "We won't be there tomorrow but you'll have lots of fun with mom," she teased.

"It was nice to meet you," Mario blushed slightly. I smiled and wrapped him in a one armed hug before walking out of the arena with Tony.

"So we can stay around here or we could go into downtown. I'm going to change quick if that's okay," he told me, opening the door to his SUV for me and tugging at his tie. He shut the door and jogged around to his side, sighing as he climbed in.

"Um, I don't really feel good," I lied, keeping my eyes straight ahead so I wouldn't see his face fall.

Tony was silent for a minute, the key paused in the ignition before he turned to me, "Is this about my family?" He asked, a hurt expression on his face.

"What? No! Oh my god, no! I love your family. They're amazing," I shook my head, frantically waving my hands in the air.

"I know you're not sick," he told me. "I noticed how you retreat within yourself sometimes when you're around me." He concluded, turning the car on. "Where do you live," he basically snapped at me.

"If you're going to be a dick, I can walk," I snapped back at him, as he ran a hand through his long hair, making me turn away from his rigid posture. But not before I watched him close his eyes and roughly run a hand over his face in defeat.

The rest of the ride was quiet, the only talking occurring when I softly gave him directions. We arrived at my house in 10 minutes, a heavy silence still blanketing the car. I was so focused at glaring at the dashboard that I didn't notice Tony turn the car off of Dakota's blue Honda in the driveway. But when I noticed both, I flew from my seat, unbuckling myself and pushing the door open. I almost slammed the door when Tony called out to me.

"Hey, I don't know what I did but I'm sorry," He murmured, his eyes focused on the garage door in front of him.

Without even thinking, I told him, " You shouldn't be apologizing to me," slamming the door while a confused expression crossed his face.
***

When Tuesday morning rolled around I opted to stay in bed, doing the cowardly thing, instead of going to class. I couldn't bare to see Tony, not only because he would surely be upset with me, but also because he would have questions about who he needed to apologize too.

Luckily when I walked into the house Friday night, Dakota was passed out in her room, still exhausted from being sick. But part of me wished she had been up so she could be a distraction. I felt terrible all weekend for what I did to Tony. Guilt ate away because I didn't go to the game on Saturday and support him like I had promise his mom. I felt bad because I not only let down Tony, but I also let down Joyce and that angered me. I sighed and rolled onto my back, forgetting about sleep as my mind raced. Eventually, I pulled myself out of bed and into the shower before daring to walk to Starbucks.

The air outside was chilly enough to make my body shiver when I stepped outside in my North Face jacket along with a grey pair of Uggs. I had a knit Minnesota hat on my head and some mittens as I joined my fellow students bustling around campus. I checked my phone as I entered Dinkytown, grimacing when I saw that Econ would have gotten out 5 minutes ago, meaning Tony was heading this way.

I looked across the street, not at all surprised to see Tony with his iPod on, a slight scowl on his face. David stood next to him, texting while they waited for the light. I bit my lip as we were able to walk, ducking my head and tucking my chin in my jacket. I passed Tony without him noticing, but instead of feeling satisfied, I felt defeated. I watched my feet tap against the pavement as I continued on my way to Starbucks. A couple moments later, I saw a pair of black Nike's joined my Uggs in my line of vision.

"Let's talk." Tony commanded, his voice holding no option. His hands were stuffed in the pockets of his dark jeans, his always present Gopher hockey hat backwards on his head. I sighed loudly, crossing my arms across my chest.

"About.." I played dumb, hoping he just wanted to chat about the weather.

"Friday. What happened?" He asked me, looking genuinely concerned as to what changed my mind. "If something happened, whether with me or my family, I'd really like to know about it."

"I told you what happened, I didn't feel good."

"That's bullshit," he immediately retorted.

"Notice how I wasn't in class," I snapped.

"Yet here you are, healthier than ever." I rolled my eyes as I walked into Starbucks. I stomped up to the counter, practically barking my order at the Batista. I dug through my jacket pockets for my money. But when I finally found my 5 dollar bill, Tony was already getting his change back.

"Here," I told him, trying to put my money in his hand but he just ignored me, walking to the end of the counter to wait for my drink. I rolled my eyes and followed him, knowing this was most definitely not going to be easy.

"It's the least I could do since I couldn't buy you dinner on Friday," he told me, no nasty tone to his voice, just explaining. I sighed and sat down at a table, propping my face in my hands and watching as he grabbed my mocha, setting it in front of me.

"Nothing happened on Friday. I just.. I don't know. I'm confused and I don't know where this is going. And it's hard to be around you because I'm feeling things for you and I'm freaked out, okay. I just don't understand any of this," I told him, my eyes fluttering closed but then opened once again as I finished trying to explain how I felt.

"So you ran from it? Why don't you figure it out with me?" He asked, glancing at the door and then back at me.

"Because you'll influence what I think is best." I took a sip of my drink, savoring the hot liquid.

"What do you mean?" He asked, leaning his elbows on the table, his green eyes studying me intently.

"I mean that every time I'm with you, all I want is to be with you. But I don't think that's a good idea." I informed him.

"Why?" He asked, his eyebrows lowered in confusion as he desperately tried to put the pieces together.

"For reasons that I can't really explain." I told him, looking down at the white cover of my coffee cup.

"Can't or wont?" He asked me, tilting my chin up so I had to look at him.

"Both."

"And does it have something to do with the person I should be apologizing to?" He asked me to which I nodded. "I'm going to be honest with you and tell you that I really want to be with you. You're so amazing and I want you to give me a chance to make you happy. You won't regret it. You've seen the way my family is, I let you see that, and that right there should tell you that I trust you. But most importantly, it should show you that I'm a good guy. I wouldn't intentionally hurt you, ever." He grabbed both of my hands as I tentatively met his eyes, knowing I would be sucked in right away.

I processed his words slowly, going over the way his he spoke to the sincerity in his eyes. He meant what he was saying, but it always went back to Dakota. He did it to her and don't actions speak louder than words? I sighed, closing my eyes and trying to separate myself from Tony so I could think clearly. I thought about how this was one of those situations where I wish Megan was here. She was always so good at helping me with this kind of stuff, it was a sister thing and she would understand exactly what I was going through. But she wasn't here and I needed to do this for myself. I took a deep breath, knowing exactly what she would do if this was here. She'd go for it because it's better to live life on the edge than to sit around wondering what if. Plus, the only reason I had to say no, was for Dakota, someone who really only cared about herself.

"So is this you asking me on an official date. One where I don't watch you hit people into the boards?" I teased, smiling at him. He threw his head back, laughing and scrunching up his nose.

"Yeah, we'll do the whole shebang. I'll pick you up at your house, we'll have dinner, and then go back to my house to have hot, passionate sex." Tony concluded, looking dreamily up at the ceiling. I snorted and shook my head.

"I hope I don't look like the kind of person who puts out on the first date. Plus, you'd be pushing your luck," I teased, giving him a cute look. He gave me an innocent smile along with a wink.

"I thought I'd try," he grinned.

"You do understand that unlike the girls you're used to, you're actually going to, oh I don't know, try and romance me. I know that must be such a hard concept for you to grasp," I told him, sarcastically as Tony tried to hold his laughter in.

"You're going to teach me how to love right?" He pouted, puckering his lips.

"Something tells me you already know how," I whispered, turning serious. I looked down at my cup again, suddenly feeling shy as his eyes sparkled.

"You're the only girl I've bothered with in a long time. I want you to trust me," he told me, grabbing my chin and turning my face to kiss my cheek lightly. My cheeks burned from the simple touch, my body temperature rising to dangerous heights.

"Don't hurt me, Tony Lucia," I told him, making him look me in the eye as he made me a promise that I knew he'd do anything to keep.