Everything I've Ever Wanted

I jolted awake the next morning, lifting my head off of Tony's chest quickly as I listened to the quiet house, trying to figure out what woke me up. My ears perked at a sound coming from outside and I waited a little longer, hoping the noise would sound again but it didn't. I slowly climbed off of a still sleeping Tony, who looked adorable, and padded my way to the window. I pulled my curtains aside, squinting at the sun reflecting off the white snow that had fell last night sometime. I shielded my eyes from the bright rays, looking down at the driveway at Tony's SUV and then, Dakota's car, along with her blonde head inside of it.

"Fuck!" I scream-whispered, whirling around while ripping Tony's shirt off of me. I grabbed a pair of my sweatpants and a sweatshirt, pulling it on over my body and quickly throwing my hair up into a bun. I stood, frozen in the room after that, my breathing hard as my heart pounded in fear, having no clue what to do. I bit my lip, glancing quickly to my door and then back to a sleeping Tony before I made up my mind. I quickly crossed to Tony, shaking him awake.

"What?" He asked, squinting up at me and getting ready to turn over.

"Go take a shower," I told him to which he looked at me like I was nuts.

"Why?" He questioned becoming more awake as he took in my frantic look, "Is something wrong?"

"No, just get in the fucking shower. Now, please," I begged him as he stood up and walked to my bathroom. He followed me before turning back and looking at me again. I didn't give him time to talk though before I pushed him in.

"Take your time," I assured him with a smile, earning another confused look. I shut the door after that and ran to my bedroom floor, kicking Tony's clothes under my bed as I went.

I practically ran into the living room, sliding slightly as Dakota pushed her way into the house. She glanced at me, giving me an up-down look and wrinkling her nose as she passed me to get to her room.

"You smell like sex," she told me to which I cringed, rolling my eyes up to the ceiling.

"I don't know why," I told her, sounding a lot calmer than I felt. She gave me a ooookkaaay look and then walked into her room to put her suitcases on the bed. She came out again, flopping down on the couch and flipping on the TV.

"So is that your boyfriend's SUV?" She smirked at the TV, tilting her head to the side and then turning to look at me. I licked my lips and gave her a sheepish look.

"Yeah," I confessed knowing there was no reason to lie to her.

"Is he good in bed?" She grinned at me, sticking her tongue out after. I gave her a slight look, feeling extremely uncomfortable with this conversation. She would of course know as well as I did, after all she did sleep with him.

I felt the bile rise in my throat as I thought of them together, him ravishing her the way he did me last night. The way she would run her fingers and nails down his back, begging him to give her more like I did last night. I closed my eyes, trying to keep ahold of my jealousy and anger before I looked at Dakota with clenched fists. She must have sensed my change in attitude because her smile dropped and her eyes got wide.

"Oh that bad?" She asked to which I just shook my head, looking down at my feet.

"No, I just don't want to get into it." I shrugged, trying to play it off.

"Do I get to meet him?" She wondered, wiggling her eyebrows at me. I bit my lip, trying to think of a way to get her to leave so I could get Tony out of here. The last thing I wanted was for them to meet after Tony and I had sex last night. It would definitely not be appropriate.

"Uh, I actually need you to do something for me," I bit my lip, nervously. She raised her eyebrows, her hand holding the remote as she clicked through the channels, finally stopping on MTV.

"What?"

"I need, um, I need you to go get me the uh, morning after pill. The condom.. broke." I shook my head, biting my lip as my cheeks flushed in embarrassment. It wasn't true at all, but I needed some way to get her the hell out. She stood up off the couch and pulled me into a tight hug.

"Of course I will," she told me, smiling softly and sympathetically. "I'll be back in a bit alright. Don't freak out, you'll be fine, this has happened to me multiple times." She was behind me as my mouth dropped and I stared at the floor with a disgusted expression.

"Okay," I pushed out, sighing in relief when I heard the door shut. I ran back into my room, walking in and seeing Tony sitting on the bed already dressed. He gave me a nervous look as I sat next to him.

"Did it really break?" He asked me, "I didn't think it broke." I cringed at how panicked he sounded and stifled a giggle.

"No, it didn't break. I just don't want you to meet her yet or the day after we.. yeah." I shook my head, feeling the awkward air settling around us.

"Okay," Tony mumbled, fiddling with the watch in his hands. He traced the face of it, looking down at it as I looked around my room for anything to focus my attention on. I cringed when I felt Tony's hand on mine, disappointed by how awkward the touch felt compared to the usually lively feeling that ran through my body. I sighed and turned to him. "Can we try not to make this weird?" He laughed nervously, biting his lip slightly. I looked at him, nodding and wrapping him into a hug.

"I was making it weird with the whole roommie thing. But trust me when I tell you, it would have made things a thousand times weirder." I laughed, silently thanking God that I was able to get Dakota out of the house. "I don't want to be rude or anything, but she'll be back in like fifteen minutes, and it would make my life a lot easier if you were gone." I told him, hating myself for basically kicking him out. But Tony just smiled and nodded like he completely understood.

"That's fine, I've got morning skate in an hour anyway." He stood, tugging me up also. We walked into the living room as Tony pulled on his jacket, taking his keys out of his pocket. I walked him to the door, wrapping him in a quick hug and placing a peck on his lips before rushing him out the door. I knew he understood, but I still felt bad about how fast I pushed him out of here.

I leaned against the door, able to relax now that Tony was gone and I had avoided a huge confrontation. I thought back to last night, blushing a million different shades of love while my body tingled every place I thought of Tony's hands on me. I smiled down at the floor, my heart fluttering in my chest when I remembered how adamant he had been about me telling him I loved him. He loved me too. He actually loved me. ME! And not Dakota. I shook my head, rolling my eyes at how surprised I sounded.

I made breakfast for myself after that, sitting on the couch and watching all of the morning shows before Dakota stumbled into the house.

"I've got it!" She called to me. I gave her a look, not understanding what she was talking about. "The pill," she told me, holding the packaging up.

"Oh, yeah. Thanks," I mumbled, feeling weird. I took it from her and set it on the couch next to me, watching the TV again.

"Aren't you going to take it?" She asked me, looking from the package to me.

"Um, do I have to take it now?" I asked, glancing away from the TV again. Dakota was studying me, her eyes narrowed slightly as if she was trying to put the pieces together.

"Well, I would if I were you," she told me, her eyes pinning me to the spot. I gulped and picked it up, pushing myself off the couch.

"Alright, I'm going to shower anyway," I mumbled, walking into my room and shutting the door. I rolled my eyes at the barrier between Dakota and I, annoyed by her and how damn persistent and nosey she was. I didn't understand why she had to stick her big nose in my business all the time.

I yawned loudly and walked into my bathroom, throwing the package on the counter. I took my clothes off slowly, feeling my muscles protesting for the first time that day. It was obvious what I was sore from. A hot shower would take care of it, but I found myself wishing I could be with Tony, so he could give me a massage. I glanced down at the package again, wondering why the hell I had used that as my excuse in the first place. Most likely because Dakota wouldn't ask questions about that. My hands grabbed the Plan B package, ripping it open and popping the pill in my mouth. Better safe than sorry, right?
***

I sat in Economics, my hands resting in my lap and away from Tony so that he couldn't grab them. For some reason over the day, things had gotten more awkward than ever. It was more from my part because everytime he asked to come over I had to tell him no, or come up with a good excuse. He actually wanted to meet my roomie, someone from my life besides just myself. I offered for him to meet my parents, but he just rolled his eyes and dropped it. I think he's afraid, not that he has any reason because my dad practically shit his pants when I told him I was dating a Gopher hockey player. My mom is already in love with him also.

I heard Tony sigh very loudly, trying to catch my attention. I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye, watching as he took his hat off, rubbing his hands over his face and then through his hair that had already gotten long again. He turned towards me, his green eyes holding a bit of pain and anguish as he looked at me.

"Baby," I whispered to him, leaning towards him and kissing his lips softly.

"If I had known this was how it was going to be, we definitely wouldn't have done that yesterday," he told me, shaking his head as he said that.

"What do you mean?" I wondered, but having a vague idea.

"Look at us, we've changed so much. You barely want to be around me, you're fiddling in your seat, and you keep running your hand through your hair which you do when you're nervous. And you are stressing me out."

"Ton, it has nothing to do with-"

"Really? I find that hard to believe," he snorted, raising his voice to a normal level. I looked around at our classmates who were all watching not so subtly.

But Tony did have a point. The reason everything was so awkward was because of Dakota. The guilt was eating away at my insides, my conscious constantly reminding me of the day Dakota came home crying. The way her tears streak faced look so beyond broken. My heart twinged and my stomach tightened into a ball. It wasn't fair that I couldn't just forget about it. Tony deserved all of me, not the half that was annoyed with Dakota. But every single part. I just wasn't sure if I could give that to him,

Over the past two days, I had struggled with the part of me that was Tony's girlfriend and the part that was Dakota's friend. I was scared that I couldn't do this anymore. That I needed to distance myself from him, despite how much I cared about him. Dakota wouldn't forgive me if she knew about Tony. But then again, would Tony forgive me for lying to him? The situation was so much more complicated now that Tony and I went to that next step. Would I be able to ignore the images of Tony and Dakota together? Or would I let it get to me and eat away at my heart?

"Tony, it's complicated," I told him, hoping maybe that would distract him.

"Why?"

"Because it just is," I shrugged, pleading with my eyes for him to drop it.

"That is not an answer," he shook his head, looking away from me almost in disgust.

"I just don't think I can tell you yet," I murmured to him, lacing my fingers with his. He looked over at me, studying my pleading look. I watched his walls break down, my sweet boyfriend returning as his ridged posture slipped from his body.

"You'll tell me when you're ready, right?" He asked, backing off.

"Of course," I assured him, sealing my promise with a kiss.
***

On a sunny Friday in the middle of December, a surprisingly warm day, I walked along the sidewalk in a really good mood. The sun warmed my body despite the chill in the air as it warmed enough where the snow was beginning to melt, not that it mattered since the water would soon turn to ice. But despite the incoming bad weather, my mood couldn't be brighter. For some reason, there was a spring in my step as I made my way past Mariucci Arena, hoping to catch Tony at the end of his practice. Things were still a little tense a week after out romp in the sheets and I was hoping that could change today.

My timing was beyond perfect as I watched Tony come down the walkway, David Fischer in toe. Tony laughed at what Dave said before his sparkling eyes landed on me. His green orbs shone even more as he jogged to me. His lips pressed against mine and I gave him a bright smile as he pulled away, despite the guilt creeping up on my conscience. I would not let it ruin my good mood.

"Hi!" I exclaimed.

"Hey, you!" Tony mocked my voice, laughing at my upbeat attitude.

"I'm in such a good mood! Let's hang out!" I grinned to which he nodded enthusiastically.

"What do you want to do?" He asked, lacing our fingers together and heading back towards Dinkytown.

"I'm hungry," I told him, my stomach gurgling uncomfortably.

"Mmm, let's go to Annie's." He suggested to which I squealed and shouted a loud, YES!

He laughed at me again, leading the way to a little slice of heaven on the campus. We walked across the campus, hand in hand, and for the first time since we slept together, I didn't feel the need to run from him. I honestly didn't care where Dakota was or even if she saw us together, because being next to Tony was so perfect at the moment, that I was too happy to waste my time with him, worrying about her.

"So who do you play this weekend?" I asked him after we were seated and had ordered.

"Colorado College," he told me.

"Are you going to win?" I questioned, lacing out hands together over the table.

"Maybe if I have some incentive." He flashed me a dazzling smile.

"What are you suggesting?" I teased as I puckered my lips for him to place his on. He did immediately, my lips tingling as he pulled away.

"Use your imagination," he winked. I smiled at him, blushing slightly before turning away. That was the first time Tony had teased me in a week, and damn it felt good. Tony chuckled lightly before squeezing my hand, telling me it was okay. "So do you want to come to the games this weekend?"

"That depends."

"On what?" He tilted his head to the side.

"On where I get to sit," I rolled my eyes playfully. He laughed loudly at my response.

"Where do you want to sit? I mean, if you want, I can sit you next to my brother and all his little friends." He grinned at me.

"Oh please do!" I exclaimed, closing my eyes and clapping my hands excitedly. "Maybe I'll be more interested in him," I cocked a challenging eyebrow at Tony.

"He's 16," he reminded me.

"That's okay, we'll keep our love a secret until he turns 18."

"No." Tony stated as I laughed at the serious look on his face. He shook his head at my laugh, rolling his eyes for good measure.

"I'm kidding honey," I giggled at him. "But seriously, where will my hockey playing boyfriend be seating me?" I asked, squeezing his hand.

"I would sit you next to my mom, but she's not going to be there. So it will be next to the other girlfriends. Away from me so you're not a distraction."

I pouted at him, "How would I be distracting?"

"I'd keep looking at you instead of trying to play hockey," He winked at me.

I looked down at our intertwined hands and blushed again. Tony had been making me do that a lot lately. Or maybe it was the dirty things that kept going through my head. The feel of his hands against my bare skin, his mouth on my breasts.

We continued to talk about hockey and his upcoming games while we ate. Tony rarely took his eyes off of me, never even looking at the waitress who was desperately vying for his attention. The end of lunch came and I found myself suddenly feeling disappointed as we came to the intersection where we would have to go our separate ways.

His arms wrapped around me as we waited for the light to change. I tucked my head under his chin, closing my eyes and savoring the rare moment of cuddling. It was times like this where I wished Dakota didn't live with me or that I didn't care about her feelings. I just wished I could press an I don't give a shit button so that I could turn of the empathetic side of me and maybe this whole thing would be okay.

"Come over?" Tony asked, pulling me out of my trance. I wanted to say yes, but I couldn't. Dakota would ask too many questions when I finally did get home, despite the fact that it was none of her business. "Just for a little bit and then I'll bring you home," he pleaded with me sensing my hesitancy.

"Tony, I can't." I murmured to him, my fingers digging into his jacket and back, trying to prevent him from pulling away from me.

"Why not? What is stopping you? I know I said I'd be supportive of your decision, but I'm sick of this stupid game you're playing with me." He snapped defensively, his arms dropping from around me. I continued to cling to him, his chest hiding my face from him.

"I can't tell you." I tried to stress to him.

He heaved a deep sigh as he pushed my shoulders away from his body. I shut my eyes so he wouldn't see the tears. His hands dropped from my body and I opened my eyes as the light changed and he stepped onto the street, heading towards his house with only a muttered goodbye.

"Tony," I groaned, hoping he would turn and come back. But either he ignored me or he didn't hear since he kept walking.

I slapped my hand over my face and turned in the direction of my house. I felt bad that I was still lying to him about Dakota. I could tell him, I should tell him, about the problem and the tough situation I was in. But I cared about both of them so much and I just couldn't choose. I didn't want to, but I knew Dakota would make me choose. It shouldn't be a problem except for the fact that my loyalty has always been with my friends, and she would use that against me.

But still, I didn't want to tell him about Dakota. I didn't want him to know that Dakota was starting to get suspicious about who I was dating, that what happened on Saturday was damn close to being World War III. I didn't want him to know that I knew all about him and her together. That it made me sick when I thought of them having sex, or their skin touching. I was scared that would change everything, that all of this would turn into nothing and he would run.

Yet, The one thing I knew for sure was that if anyone was going to find out about Dakota, it should be Tony. He had a right to know, hell maybe he didn't even remember her. Maybe, things would be different than how I foresee them. Maybe he won't care.

I arrived at my house without even paying attention to where I was walking. I rolled my eyes as I kicked off my shoes, realizing Dakota wasn't even home. I went into my bedroom, collapsing on my bed. I stared at the ceiling wondering if I was using Dakota as an excuse to keep Tony at a distance. Sure, we both said we loved each other, but what if that was just us caught up in the moment? Guys do that all the time, what makes Tony different? But whatever it was, I needed to find a solution before both people in my life figured out my lies.

I grabbed my phone from the pocket of my jacket and scrolled through my contacts. I found Tony's number and pressed the green button, listening to the repeated ringing until his voice mail came on. I decided against leaving a message and pulled myself up. I had made a decision subconsciously that I was not going to sit around here and mope about it. I was going to see my boyfriend and spend time with him because that was what I wanted to do. I needed to stop considering Dakota because she was not in this relationship. This was about Tony and I, and how we felt about each other.

I stuffed my feet back into my Uggs and made my way back to where Tony lived, sprinting through the intersection I had just been at. I hauled ass down the street, taking multiple left and rights before I stood in the driveway of the house he shared with four other teammates. I walked up to the steps, trying to calm my breathing and racing heart before I knocked on the door.

Tony opened it a couple seconds later, the phone attached to his ear. "I don't know, man. She runs from me now whenever were going to be alone.." Tony trailed off when he finally saw who his visitor was. A slight blush crawled up his neck as he told the person on the phone goodbye. I pursed my lips against the giggle that was bubbling up in my chest. Tony stood awkwardly in front of me, rubbing the back of his head.

"Hey," he mumbled to me.

I stepped towards him and he immediately opened his arms, catching me as I crashed into his chest.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled into his chest. "It's not you, it's me and my priorities and where my alliances are." I didn't expect him to understand what I was talking about.

"I find that hard to believe. I mean, ever since we had sex, you've been running like I make you extremely uncomfortable. And maybe it's because you don't want to be around me anymore."

"No, Tony, that's not it at all. It's complicated, I told you that, but just know it had nothing to do with what happened last week. It was incredible and so are you." I told him, running my hands up and down his back.

"Molly, I really care about you, so I want this to be perfect. I've never felt this way and even though it makes me nervous, I still want to be with you all the time. I can't focus when you're not around," he murmured against my hair, dropping a kiss on top of my head.

I bit my lip as a smile took over my whole face, lighting me up. My heart fluttered in my chest like a bird as I tilted my face towards his, our lips meeting in the sweetest of kisses.

"You just summed up the exact way I feel about you," I whispered against his lips, causing him to flash me a beautiful smile.

"Good, I'm glad I'm not the only one head over heels in love."

My heart stopped and my eyes widened at the word love. He really did LOVE me? That wasn't just him caught up in the moment? Tony noticed my sudden panic but instead of him back tracking he went right for the heart, Mr. Captain Clutch.

"I do love you Molly. I wasn't just throwing that out there." The look on his face took my breath away, preventing me from screaming my response. I stared at him, my whole body seemed to shut down as his words, as genuine and real as they could get, passed through my mind at a hundred miles an hour, temporarily stopping on the word love.

I snapped myself out of my moment of shock, realizing he was waiting for me to confirm what we had said a week ago. My arms flew from his back to around his neck, grabbing his head and kissing all over his face. He laughed loudly, his hands squeezing my hips to get me to stop. I squirmed in his arms, giggling as he nuzzled his nose into my neck.

"Tell me you love me, Molly," he breathed into my hair, his head resting on my shoulder.

"I love you, Tony Lucia." I murmured, closing my eyes tightly as an image of Dakota's tear streaked face flashed through my mind, except she didn't have her normal features. Instead, she was me.