The Looking Glass

I'm sure everyone's felt the displacement and alienation of going to a new school. The feeling of despair deep in your chest that keeps your heart racing. The fear of losing yourself in a strange place, of being isolated by strange new students who don't like you right off the bat.

Well, that's how I feel. Right now.

The school was actually not as bad as I thought it was going to be. After we got settled in at the house, Mom and I took a trip into town to get groceries, and to go to the electric company to get our electric turned on. Who in the world kept up with recent heating and ventilation in that ancient house was beyond me. Luckily, after we cruised through town to find where everything was, which wasn't much at all, we went home to a toasty house.

Mom drove by the school for the second time, and I suck low into my seat as she pulled into the lot. It was a small school, maybe eight-hundred or so students, and a nice stone exterior.

But basically, the only thing I had my mind on, was fitting in. This was our last chance, and this small town only had one high school. I couldn't screw things up.

As we neared the front of the school, I could already hear the beginning of jabbering teens. Hopefully they weren't the types of small town Okies who'll try to make me feel 'welcome.' All I was looking for was quiet. But as the brakes squealed and Mom looks over to me with scrunched brows and an overly optimistic smile, I remembered something. I never got what I wished for.

"Have a great first day, honey! I love you." she said happily, grinning impossibly wider. I forced a smile, nodded, took a deep breath to brace myself... Then the car door was open and I was stepping outside, walking up the flaking white steps, into the door, away from my comfort zone. Kids were everywhere. Spilling out onto the brown-green grass outside, clumping by the door, animatedly conversing in their daily school routines, completely ignoring me. Good. Maybe if they had enough kids in this school, they wouldn't even realize I was there, comfortably blending into the background. I felt a smile tug at the corner of my mouth, hope beginning to build in my chest.

I kept my eyes down as I walked towards the front office, a mere twenty feet from the door. The tile floor of the school was a faded white and brown color, if you could call it white. Sheesh, this town was old.

The front desk creaked as the plump woman behind it used it to stand. Her brown beehive was slightly tilted to the left, giving her a propensity to the left when she talked to the aid beside her. I swallowed, reaching the desk. She turned to me.

"Oh, you must be Marlene!" she smiled, revealing yellowed teeth with a slight pinking to the bottom of the front two, giving away lipstick smear. I nodded, giving a toothless, fake grin. I wonder if anyone at this school likes her, because obviously no one cares about her enough to tell her about her wardrobe malfunctions. She was wearing a tight button up skirt suit, with wrinkles white ruffles on almost every seam. I could see how it would have been very appealing, before she strained every button on its front to the point of stress wrinkles in the cloth. And the fact that the 'white' ruffles weren't white at all, anymore.

She looked like the tile floor, except more of a mess.

Fumbling around behind the counter, I heard papers shuffle and some hit the floor. "Goodness me, I'm so unorganized! Then again, who has time to alphabetize after--" she stopped talking suddenly, her hands halting. Flicking her eyes up, I was shocked to see a strong negative emotion in her eyes, before she smiled again, the look gone before I could process it.

She thrust her hand out, two loose papers clutched in her chubby hands. "Here's your schedule, and since I couldn't possibly find anyone to show you around, there's the school map."

I thanked her, and hurriedly took my leave. Hopefully the rest of the town wasn't nearly as wacko as that woman. Eyes glued to the map she'd given me, I followed the hallway to B-Wing to my first class, luckily an easy one: Physical Education. Who in the world would want to exercise at a quarter til eight in the morning?

The gym had light brown wooden floors, and brown, green, and white, everywhere. Wonder what their mascot was, in order to deserve those colors. The class was gathering at the far end, some already in their.. uniforms? Oh, no.

Girls were wearing green tees and brown shorts, to the knee, and boys were wearing white tees, with the same brown shorts. The ones who were in their uniforms were already stretching, and getting ready to work out. The others were making their way to the dressing rooms. Well, I knew one thing: I wasn't about to change in front of a bunch of strangers, no way.

I decided to stay on the other side of the gym, content in my jeans and gray V-neck sweater. Hopefully if I just stayed to the sidelines in all my classes, the other kids wouldn't bother me too much.. Hopefully.

"Hey, you're Marlene, aren't you?" Damn.

I turned back to the gym's double doors, looking to see a boy, kinda nerdy in a cute way, looking at me with a question mark for an expression. How does he know my name, already? Not bothering to tell him I like being called Mary, I just nodded, and turned back around to stare at the clock at least a hundred feet away.

"I'm Robbie. Word to the wise, if you're trying to fit in..." he stepped in front of me, ruffling his shaggy brown hair. "Don't." he smiled, showing perfect white teeth, moving the freckles on his cheekbones as he grinned. I didn't know what to say, so I half-smiled back, and nodded again. "So, silence, huh? I guess that's a way to stay individualistic." he began walking backwards, shaking his head, still smiling. He finally turned around, leaving me to myself again. His white sneakers squeaked as he headed over to the boy's locker room.

Robbie. I hope he didn't expect me to be his friend or anything, because once you make friends you make enemies. And that is exactly the thing I am trying to avoid.

A bell sounded, making me jump slightly at its abrasive screech. Looking at the clock far away, I couldn't make out what time it actually was, and if that was the tardy bell or not. Either way, I walked about twenty feet closer to the class and sat down by the wall, setting down my small bag, containing only one spiral notebook and a pencil. Purses were for bubble-brains.

Since the bell had rung, everyone was dressed out, or coming out of the locker rooms, all chatting with their friends, keeping to themselves, making the knot in my neck begin to loosen. I was practically sweating with stress, but since everything was going smoothly so far, I allowed myself to relax ever so slightly. Of course, I still had six more classes, including homeroom and lunch. Oh, God. Lunch. I felt the knot begin to work itself back into my neck, and spread to my back. Nails bit into my palms, and I allowed a moment of panic to seize me, before slouching back into a sad lump, legs crossed in front of me, and hands held tightly together in my lap.

Soon, the teacher walked in, sporting very short shorts on a ridiculously tanned body. He was maybe mid-thirties, with thinning hair at the very crown of his head. With the awful tan, he also had premature wrinkles. He had thick brows, pulled tightly together, and bags under his eyes, which I guessed he had just woken up.

"Alright, everyone, you know the drill, get in your spots to stretch. We have a new kid today, her name is Marlene, and I expect you to make her feel welcome.. Understood?" it almost sounded like he shouted it, but he seemed to be just talking. His eyes found mine, and he waved me forward. Oh, please, do NOT make me talk in front of all these people. Please, please, please...

I stood, slinging my bag over my shoulder. I felt all eyes turn to look at me, every one as piercing as the last. I could feel them bore holes into me as I walked toward the instructor, head down and cheeks on fire. My converse made a faint squeaking noise as I walked, which made me even more embarrassed. If I got any more bashful, I swear, I'd shrivel up into a ball and die on the spot. I wanted to, right then. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Robbie in the front row almost raise his hand to wave. I shot a panicked look at him and shook my head in the slightest of jerks. He winked and nodded, also unnoticeable to the crowd. Thank you, a normal, understanding human being.

The coach softened his brow, but not his frown when I got up to him. "Welcome, Marlene. Here's a paper you need filled out and returned by Monday, and I'll have your uniform to you by then as well." he handed me a paper and I half-smiled, taking it. "Your spot is right there, front row. Robbie, Move to the spot next to you. Marlene, you'll take his spot."

I walked over, and wondered if this was a good thing or not. Robbie moved over, acting as if he didn't know me, but as I sat down, I saw him wink at me, a small grin tickling his cheeks. As he tried not to grin, I noticed a scar on his cheek, a line that almost looked like a dimple, but shone in the fluorescent lights.

As we stretched, me to the best of my abilities in the jeans, I thought about how bad it might be if I made one friend. I mean, sure, I could tell he was an outcast, by the way everyone else talked but no one had talked to him before class, besides me. Well, he talked, and I listened. But no one else did that for him, too. So if I befriended him, I'd also be an outcast. I was kind of asking for it, hoping that I could just suffer through this semester quietly, without anyone poking or prodding at me. But what if someone bullies him, and they turn on me, too?

After we stretched, he told us we could have a free day outside on the track and everyone rejoiced, even though he said that some time in the class period, we had to run a mile. As everyone shuffled outside, the mood was electric with excitement. Well, at least I knew what everyone liked in this class: outside, or running.

Robbie immediately started jabbering away as soon as we were dismissed to go outside. He talked about what they did for fun in this town, which, apparently, was either going to the bowling alley, or the woods. He called it the Clearing, and said it was a thing that only the kids knew about, no parents allowed. I immediately jumped to the conclusion: parties. No way was I going there. But neither was Robbie, as far as I could tell.

"Mary." I said, interrupting his brief pause. He hesitated.

"She talks!" he gasped, then laughed, slinging an arm around my shoulder and punching me lightly on the arm. "Wonderful to meet you, Mary."