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The Looking Glass
Four
It was literal hell, no matter where I went. I was always getting the same looks, everywhere. Either it was the 'seen a ghost' look, the 'I hate your guts' look, or the 'freaked out to the point of wanting to run away' look. What was wrong with me? I had OUTSIDER printed in bold red letters all over me, or something.
I couldn't go anywhere to escape. I didn't meet anyone else like Robbie. I didn't see him for the rest of the day, and he was even called in role during last period, but we wasn't there.
Currently, I was on the bus, rattling to the jerky movements as the shocks tried and failed to protect us from the rocky road beneath. Most of the roads here were dirt, gravel, or severely worn out asphalt. It wasn't nearly as bad in Mom's Explorer, but I didn't think about what it'd be like with fifty teens in a rickety old school bus, either. I didn't recognize any house, road, or marker outside the dirty window, so I tried to stay alert for when we reached my road. I remembered when it was my first day of school when I was five, I'd always been sleepy when it came to riding in a vehicle, and of course, I fell asleep on the ride home. I was so little, that even in the front seat, the bus driver didn't see me. He drove all the way back to the bus garage with me sleeping soundly behind him. Thank goodness he checked the bus before he locked it up and went home, or else I'd have been stuck there until the next morning. I remember it so well, like it was only a few years before. It was pretty traumatic, being my first day at school anyway, and then I'm lost. All I wanted was to get home, for Dad to come rescue me. I don't remember how long it took for them to get there, but it must not have been long, because soon, Daddy's little princess was being swept away to home, where everything was safe.
Now, in an ancient machine bouncing like a roller coaster with a bunch of teens that hated me, or wanted to be nowhere near me, I felt that same panic, deep within my stomach. I wanted nothing more than to be rescued by my Dad. I felt a single, bitter tear squeeze itself from my eye. Quickly, I wiped it away, pretending to prop my head up on the window so no one could tell.
Everything was dull. Mom would be out looking for a job when I got home; she sent me a text about a third of the way through school, saying she'd be job hunting until about eight, when most of the businesses around here closed. Then, when she was done looking here, she was going to the neighboring town, about fifteen miles away, to see there. I understood, but I wanted to talk to her when she got home. I doubted I could handle another day at that horrid school. My mind was already settled on some sort of homeschooling program, or even going to the school in the town next to us. I'd get a job, to pay for gas or something, just something other than going back. Even thinking about going back made me want to rip my hair out, jump off a cliff, anything sounded better than that.
What was WRONG with these people? I understand it's a small town, but come on. We moved like crazy when I was younger. A lot of the places we went to, they were even smaller than this town. I was never treated so horribly as I was today. I mean, come, on, did they really have to ostracize me before I even got there? Ostracize isn't even the right word, even. Shun, with savage demeanor. I was itching in my own skin, as if my body were the reason they hated me.
I hated myself, I hated everyone else, I felt as though I could explode with rage. I felt my cheeks flush with the emotion, and I sat up, brows furrowed so low I couldn't see. There were spots on my vision as well, also obscuring my surroundings. A moment of clarity almost had me frozen in shock. Where had all that anger come from? I'm not the type to boil with rage, never have been.
A burst of laughter from close behind me made me jump, and the laughing got louder. I blushed and ducked my head, this time from embarrassment instead of anger. Too afraid of confrontation, especially after the day I had, I settled back into my seat and leaned against the window once more, my hoodie protecting me from the jostling window busting my jaw.
It was like living a nightmare, being around these teenagers. Hell, it's a nightmare being around the teachers, too. I wanted to be home. I wanted to be able to click my heels together and I could magically teleport. But my life wasn't a movie, nor was I Dorothy, and wishing for things didn't make them happen. I knew that ever since Dad disappeared.
Wheezing and coughing, the decades-old bus squealed to a stop at the end of my road. Eager to be free, I sprung up, slung my backpack over my shoulder and stepped out to go, but my shoes were caught on something and I pitched forward, frantically trying to step forward to correct myself. But I was still caught, and I hit bus seats, then the aisle floor. Laughter exploded, everywhere. Looking behind me, I saw that my shoelaces had been tied together. Cute.
Red as can be, I rolled over, sat up, and retied my shoes the correct way. I could even hear the bus driver chuckling in his raspy tone. He was barely audible above the others, but I could still hear him. That same aching rage burbled up into my throat and choked me. My breathing hitched as I stood, looking down at my feet. That must have been what the group behind me was laughing about, just minutes ago. They'd tied my shoes together, as if they never graduated from preschool. As I passed the driver, though, I raised my eyes to his, hoping he could see the utter disappointment and fury in my eyes. His red face paled, and he looked away. Feeling slightly better, I stepped off the bus with my head held higher. Turning, I glared at the students looking at me through the grimy windows. They were laughing, some crying and clutching their stomachs. One girl, though, was still. She sat in the back, and her pitch black hair covered most of her face. As her chocolate eyes caught mine, she placed her hand on the window, and mouthed some words that I couldn't quite catch. the bus was barely up to running speed, so I walked with it, trying to see what she said, but as she opened her mouth to repeat it, it was as if she'd screamed it. Everyone in the bus turned to her in unison, faces the same, a silent stare. She hunkered down in her seat, looking very similar to me, just moments ago.
I raised my hand, opened my mouth, took a step forward--and it was déjà vu. I lost my balance due to my feet being caught on each other. I caught myself before I got a mouthful of dirt, but I did wind up laying down on the ground. I dropped my head to the sand. Everything. Why does everything have to go wrong today?
I don't know how long I lied there, but the bus wound through the twisty roads until it was far enough away that everything went silent. I allowed a few tears of frustration to ease my inner turmoil. Finally, I rolled over and sat up to untie my laces. Again. How in the hell did that happen twice?
I couldn't wrap my weary mind around it, so I stood and started towards my house. From the walk in the morning, I knew I had a good mile to go before I got to our driveway, then a quarter mile to go down it. On the plus side, I had plenty of exercise every day... Who am I kidding. There's no plus side to this, to any of this.
The woods around me were strangely dark in the early afternoon sun. The trees were mostly evergreens, which made it even more weird for them to be so dark. The more I studied them as I walked by, the more I tried to find a drop of sun on them, and... failed. I stopped. Holding my hand up, I wave the other one over it, confirming the shadow. I even had a shadow on the ground. I stepped up to a tree to the right side of the road, reaching out to touch the dark bark. My curious mind was begging to find out what the tree felt like, but the rest of me wanted nothing to do with the eery trees. I came within an inch of brushing my fingertips on the trunk... and my curious side lost. I clutched my bag a little closer to myself and ducked my head as I walked on, my steps more determined than before, my head ducked down. This place was freaky no matter where I went.
All I could hope for was that there'd be no funny business once I got inside. But soon I'd learn that that's too much to ask, especially if you're living in a place like this.
As I walked up to the house, I finally raised my eyes to the house, and froze dead in my tracks. There, in the window, was Dad. Standing there, smiling with such despair in his eyes, as if he'd missed me as much as I'd missed him. Tears overflowed, and spread onto my cheeks.
So much emotion overwhelmed me, my voice cracked when I spoke.
"...Dad?"
I couldn't go anywhere to escape. I didn't meet anyone else like Robbie. I didn't see him for the rest of the day, and he was even called in role during last period, but we wasn't there.
Currently, I was on the bus, rattling to the jerky movements as the shocks tried and failed to protect us from the rocky road beneath. Most of the roads here were dirt, gravel, or severely worn out asphalt. It wasn't nearly as bad in Mom's Explorer, but I didn't think about what it'd be like with fifty teens in a rickety old school bus, either. I didn't recognize any house, road, or marker outside the dirty window, so I tried to stay alert for when we reached my road. I remembered when it was my first day of school when I was five, I'd always been sleepy when it came to riding in a vehicle, and of course, I fell asleep on the ride home. I was so little, that even in the front seat, the bus driver didn't see me. He drove all the way back to the bus garage with me sleeping soundly behind him. Thank goodness he checked the bus before he locked it up and went home, or else I'd have been stuck there until the next morning. I remember it so well, like it was only a few years before. It was pretty traumatic, being my first day at school anyway, and then I'm lost. All I wanted was to get home, for Dad to come rescue me. I don't remember how long it took for them to get there, but it must not have been long, because soon, Daddy's little princess was being swept away to home, where everything was safe.
Now, in an ancient machine bouncing like a roller coaster with a bunch of teens that hated me, or wanted to be nowhere near me, I felt that same panic, deep within my stomach. I wanted nothing more than to be rescued by my Dad. I felt a single, bitter tear squeeze itself from my eye. Quickly, I wiped it away, pretending to prop my head up on the window so no one could tell.
Everything was dull. Mom would be out looking for a job when I got home; she sent me a text about a third of the way through school, saying she'd be job hunting until about eight, when most of the businesses around here closed. Then, when she was done looking here, she was going to the neighboring town, about fifteen miles away, to see there. I understood, but I wanted to talk to her when she got home. I doubted I could handle another day at that horrid school. My mind was already settled on some sort of homeschooling program, or even going to the school in the town next to us. I'd get a job, to pay for gas or something, just something other than going back. Even thinking about going back made me want to rip my hair out, jump off a cliff, anything sounded better than that.
What was WRONG with these people? I understand it's a small town, but come on. We moved like crazy when I was younger. A lot of the places we went to, they were even smaller than this town. I was never treated so horribly as I was today. I mean, come, on, did they really have to ostracize me before I even got there? Ostracize isn't even the right word, even. Shun, with savage demeanor. I was itching in my own skin, as if my body were the reason they hated me.
I hated myself, I hated everyone else, I felt as though I could explode with rage. I felt my cheeks flush with the emotion, and I sat up, brows furrowed so low I couldn't see. There were spots on my vision as well, also obscuring my surroundings. A moment of clarity almost had me frozen in shock. Where had all that anger come from? I'm not the type to boil with rage, never have been.
A burst of laughter from close behind me made me jump, and the laughing got louder. I blushed and ducked my head, this time from embarrassment instead of anger. Too afraid of confrontation, especially after the day I had, I settled back into my seat and leaned against the window once more, my hoodie protecting me from the jostling window busting my jaw.
It was like living a nightmare, being around these teenagers. Hell, it's a nightmare being around the teachers, too. I wanted to be home. I wanted to be able to click my heels together and I could magically teleport. But my life wasn't a movie, nor was I Dorothy, and wishing for things didn't make them happen. I knew that ever since Dad disappeared.
Wheezing and coughing, the decades-old bus squealed to a stop at the end of my road. Eager to be free, I sprung up, slung my backpack over my shoulder and stepped out to go, but my shoes were caught on something and I pitched forward, frantically trying to step forward to correct myself. But I was still caught, and I hit bus seats, then the aisle floor. Laughter exploded, everywhere. Looking behind me, I saw that my shoelaces had been tied together. Cute.
Red as can be, I rolled over, sat up, and retied my shoes the correct way. I could even hear the bus driver chuckling in his raspy tone. He was barely audible above the others, but I could still hear him. That same aching rage burbled up into my throat and choked me. My breathing hitched as I stood, looking down at my feet. That must have been what the group behind me was laughing about, just minutes ago. They'd tied my shoes together, as if they never graduated from preschool. As I passed the driver, though, I raised my eyes to his, hoping he could see the utter disappointment and fury in my eyes. His red face paled, and he looked away. Feeling slightly better, I stepped off the bus with my head held higher. Turning, I glared at the students looking at me through the grimy windows. They were laughing, some crying and clutching their stomachs. One girl, though, was still. She sat in the back, and her pitch black hair covered most of her face. As her chocolate eyes caught mine, she placed her hand on the window, and mouthed some words that I couldn't quite catch. the bus was barely up to running speed, so I walked with it, trying to see what she said, but as she opened her mouth to repeat it, it was as if she'd screamed it. Everyone in the bus turned to her in unison, faces the same, a silent stare. She hunkered down in her seat, looking very similar to me, just moments ago.
I raised my hand, opened my mouth, took a step forward--and it was déjà vu. I lost my balance due to my feet being caught on each other. I caught myself before I got a mouthful of dirt, but I did wind up laying down on the ground. I dropped my head to the sand. Everything. Why does everything have to go wrong today?
I don't know how long I lied there, but the bus wound through the twisty roads until it was far enough away that everything went silent. I allowed a few tears of frustration to ease my inner turmoil. Finally, I rolled over and sat up to untie my laces. Again. How in the hell did that happen twice?
I couldn't wrap my weary mind around it, so I stood and started towards my house. From the walk in the morning, I knew I had a good mile to go before I got to our driveway, then a quarter mile to go down it. On the plus side, I had plenty of exercise every day... Who am I kidding. There's no plus side to this, to any of this.
The woods around me were strangely dark in the early afternoon sun. The trees were mostly evergreens, which made it even more weird for them to be so dark. The more I studied them as I walked by, the more I tried to find a drop of sun on them, and... failed. I stopped. Holding my hand up, I wave the other one over it, confirming the shadow. I even had a shadow on the ground. I stepped up to a tree to the right side of the road, reaching out to touch the dark bark. My curious mind was begging to find out what the tree felt like, but the rest of me wanted nothing to do with the eery trees. I came within an inch of brushing my fingertips on the trunk... and my curious side lost. I clutched my bag a little closer to myself and ducked my head as I walked on, my steps more determined than before, my head ducked down. This place was freaky no matter where I went.
All I could hope for was that there'd be no funny business once I got inside. But soon I'd learn that that's too much to ask, especially if you're living in a place like this.
As I walked up to the house, I finally raised my eyes to the house, and froze dead in my tracks. There, in the window, was Dad. Standing there, smiling with such despair in his eyes, as if he'd missed me as much as I'd missed him. Tears overflowed, and spread onto my cheeks.
So much emotion overwhelmed me, my voice cracked when I spoke.
"...Dad?"