I'm the Kind of Human Wreckage That You Love.

We laughed for an exaggeratedly long time. We do love our little friend Mary Jane.

“How ‘bout some dinner?”

Frankie stood up and scratched his stomach, “Good. I’ve got the munchies.”

“How’ bout-”

“Let’s make a pie!”

“What?! I suck at making pies. Maybe the diner’s still open.”

We headed for the door.

“Wait a minute.. aren’t diners 24/7?”

“Oh, yeah. Whatever. Don’t correct me, bitch.”

“I’m really excited about going to the show on Saturday.,” I said after we got to the Tick Tock diner.

“So you are coming? What changed your mind?”

“Yeah, I’m coming, what makes you say that?”

“Since me and the guys started asking you, you pretended not to know what were talking about, or tune us out, or something? ‘Hey, you going to the gig?’ and you’re like ‘What, I can’t, I can’t hear you. What?’. Don’t think I don’t know what’s up.”

“I’ll tell you what’s up. You are. You’re as high as a fucking kite, pal.”

“Fine. I get it. You’ve been with me. You can’t take your mind off me. You can’t remember any of your actions before hooking up with me.”

“Just eat your pie, dick.”

Later that week, not much happened.

Then it was Saturday, and I kind of started freaking out. A surprise, huh? What could it be?! Hmm...

“Hey, babe, what are you wearing?” Frankie hollered to me.

We were at Frank’s house and I had just gotten out the shower and wrapped a towel around me.

“Just look in my bag.” I yelled back.

“What these?” Frank opened the door to the bathroom and was holding my jeans, “I was thinking, maybe you wear just these. And maybe a bra, but you don’t need it.”

“Get out of here, Frank.”

“Okay, I was just saying...” Before he left he undid my towel, causing me to flinch and grab it before it fell to the floor.

“Frankie!”

“What? It’s not like I’ve haven’t seen it already.”


“Frankie, get over it! Pride is a sin, you know. Why are you so curious, if you seen it all before? This is, like, the third time you’ve gone all Peeping Tom on me! You and me, we’re not gonna happen again, babe. I’m like Haley’s Comet. Once in a lifetime deal, you lucky s.o.b.”

“You're hot, I’m hot, we’re all hot.”

“You need a girlfriend. What are you wearing?’

“Whatever I see first. I’m hitting the shower.” He stripped down to his boxers and stepped into the shower. He threw his boxers over the shower curtain and they landed on my head.

“You meant to do that.” I said shaking my head

“What’d you say, princess?”

I threw on my jeans, but couldn’t decide what to wear on top. Then I thought ‘What does it matter? It’ll probably just end up in ball in the corner of his room anyways...’. I gasped out loud at my own thought.

“What?” Frankie asked, hearing me.

“Oh, nothing, just a spider.” I lied.

“What!?!?!? KILL IT!!! KILL IT!!!” he shouted at me.

“Okay, okay.” I stomped on an imaginary spider then Frankie gave a sigh of relief, and then we finished getting dressed. Frankie was pulling on his left sock when the door bell rang.

“I’ll get it!” I yelled to whoever could hear me.

I opened the door to see the rest of my ‘Prep’ boys.

“Well, hello there.” John greeted me.

“Hands off, dude, That’s Frank’s woman.” Shaun commented.

My mouth dropped open.

“Don’t worry. We won’t tell anyone.”

I spun around to see Frankie with his hands in his pockets, whistling. I began to run after him and he raced away from me. After a second I turned around and motioned to the other guys to leave. We got out and into the van before Frankie ran out the door. Tim started to pull away while I tried to slide the van door closed.

“PLEASE! AAAHHHH! LET ME IN!” Frankie blurted out while running down the street, keeping up with our shitty little van.

I grabbed both of his arms and yanked him into the van. The guys and I were in tears from laughter.

“He’s a quick little fuck, ain’t he?!”

“Ahahahahaha... oh shit, that was funny.”

“You know what? FUCK you guys!” Frank said, even tough he was laughing, too.

“Turn the radio up, bitches!” I screamed out of excitement.

“Well, they’ve named themselves.” John said shoving their favorite demo cd into the stereo.

“Oh, yeah? What?” I asked.

“My Chemical Romance.”

“My Chemical Romance, huh? Shit, that’s good....,” I looked over to Frankie, “...you didn’t think of that.”

“Shaddup, dude!” he said clearly displaying his Jersey accent.

“We have to pick them up, they’ll tell you the story then.” Shaun shared.

“Way, cool.” I said, “Your not in this ALONE! Let me break this awkward silence...,”
I started to sing along.

In no time we in front of Gerard and Mikey’s house and I jumped out with Frankie right behind me. We stumbled down the stairs, but I won and knocked on the door first.

“Ha!” I gloated

Frankie playfully pushed me against the wall.

“Don’t make me bitchslap you, shitbag.” I warned with a smile and a raised eyebrow.

Gerard opened the door.

“Hi,” he said to me, then realized Frankie was there, too, “Hey, man.”

“Hi.”

“Hey, bro, you ready?”

“Yeah. Mikey’s upstairs and Ray and Otter are bringing all the equipment.”

I brushed past Gerard to go get Mikey.

“MIKEY! ARE, YOU, READY?!” I took a breath after every word, like I was announcing a wrestling match.

He burst through Gerard’s door, but surprised me by speaking calmly.

“Yeah, I guess so.”

“Don’t worry Mikey, we brought the beer.” Frankie reassured him with a quick laugh.

We all left and hopped into the van and broke into a new case of room temprature beer. My favorite.

We we’re a bit early to be at the hall where they would perform and running low on beer already, so the boys pushed me and Gerard out in front of the first liquor store we saw.

Me and Gerard walked up to the store slowly, trying not to look drunk already.

“So are you excited?” I asked him.

“Are you kidding? I’m fucking terrified! Why do you think I just downed four fucking beers?” he quipped with a laugh.

“Well... so did I!...Oh! I know! What’s my surprise? Can you give it to me now?”

“No. It’ll be towards the end of the night.”

“Uh, oh. I might be wasted and not remember it, though.”

“I have a feeling you’ll have a hard time forgetting this.” He said with a smile full of secrets.

I paid for two more cases of beer and he carried them out to the car. I quietly, and slowly, sipped my next couple of beers, while Gerard and me exchanged glances from the back of the van. The boys had become rowdy drunks and there’s not much you can do with rowdy drunk boys, except join them, or fuck them, but I decided against that. So I joined them.

We got to the hall and we all basically fell out of the van, out of dizziness and laughter. We watched the, now-known as My Chemical Romance, boys set up the stage. We tried to help, but all we did was break shit, trip and unplug shit. We were all “three sheets to the wind” and just uncontrollably laughing. Poor sweet little Mikey was completely done in, I didn’t know how he was gonna play. Kids started arriving, I knew quite a few of them. Eyeball record regulars. The place filled up pretty fast and Frank, me, and the rest of the guys piled into the van for one last celebratory beer, just to make it official that we were all loaded.

And then it was showtime.