I'm the Kind of Human Wreckage That You Love.

“Okay, oh my God, I have to call them right now. I’ll put it on speaker phone, but wait till I give you a signal to talk.”

He laughed but then agreed and nodded his head. I dialed Frankie house number and he picked up the phone.

“Hey Frank, what are you doing?” I acted bored.

“Nothing much... you?”

“Oh, nothing much, I just met my mystery person, that’s all.” I sounded very nonchalant.

“What? Was he a bummer or something?”

“Oh, no that’s not it,” I looked at Geoff and motioned for him to come closer to the phone, “What do you think?”

“Well, I’m excited. I don’t know what her problem is...” Geoff said sounding just as uninterested as me.

“Who’s that?” Frankie asked.

“I’m Geoff. Geoff Rickly. I’m in a little band called Thursday. You might of heard of it-”

“What?! Wait, what! Babe, are you serious?”

“Bet your bottom dollar, babe!”

“He’s gonna work with My Chem?”

“Yeah, I am. Unless I shouldn’t...” Geoff, who was still playing along, mused.

“Oh, no, that’s not what he’s saying.” I verified.

“Oh, man, this is huge. This is so HUGE!” Frankie, sounding very cute, expressed, “Have you told Gerard?”

“Nope. Baby, you’re my first.”

“Can I call Mikey?” Frankie asked.

“Sure, but he’ll never believe you.”

“When is he coming over?”

“I don’t know?” I turned to Geoff, “When are you coming over?”

“Anytime you want me.”

“Oh my God! Immediate band practice at the Cube! I’ll bring the food.” I decided.

“Sounds, good princess. What time?” Frankie planned.

“Immediately!”

“Okay, okay, I’m callin’ people right now.”

“Great. I love you!”

“No, I love you.”

With that we hung up the phone.

“Was that your boyfriend?” Geoff asked.

“Oh, no. I mean... no, he’s my best friend. The next one’s my boyfriend.” I called Gerard.

“Hello, QuickStop Comics.” Gerard sounded as if he was talking in his sleep.

“Hey, sugar. How’s life?”

“Hey, sex kitten...”

I looked at Geoff, embarrassed, he just laughed.

“...Boring me to tears. The fuckers haven’t sent the X-Men for two months.”

“Awesome, then do I have good news for you!”

“Anything could be better than this.”

“Can you get off right now, I mean right now.”

“Um, I guess. Why?”

“Because Geoff’s here, and he’s heard the Attic Demos, and you have to meet him.”

“Jeff? Who’s Jeff.”

“Oh, you know Geoff Rickly...”

“What?”

“Hey, man. So your My Chemical Romance?” Geoff added

“Hello? Who is this?”

“Your girl was right. My name’s Geoff and I want to produce some music with you.”

“From Thursday?”

“Yeah, you’ve heard of us?”

“Heard of you? I love Thursday.”

“Well, thanks, man, I really love what you guys have put together, and can’t wait to meet with you. It seems as if that’s going to be pretty soon. You girl here is a real go-getter.”

“Yeah, she is.”

I smiled.

“Okay, baby, meet me at home, I’m gonna get some dinner, then it’s off to the Cube.”

“Um, okay....”

“Bye, babe, love you.”

“Love you, bye”

I hung up the phone and rushed, with Geoff, out to my car.

“I have my own car.” Geoff reminded me.

“Right. Why don’t you just follow me then?”

“Okay.”

We got home and Gerard was inside waiting. I took a deep breath before opening the door. Gerard stood up from the kitchen table and smoothed his hair while walking over to us.

“Hey, babe, this is Geoff.” I informed Gerard, thrilled.

“Nice to meet you.” Gerard said pleasantly, he could hide his shyness very well.

“So you’re the face behind the voice? Great to meet you.”

I started hunting through my kitchen cabinet and fridge to throw some food together, but there was none to be found. Geoff and Gerard started talking, mostly about the band, and Geoff’s vision. Gerard also had a very strong vision and it seemed to mesh with Geoff’s flawlessly. I know, I’ve thought it a dozen times before, but I had to think again, this was meant to be.

I ran into my room to change into some comfy, and warm, clothes before we left. Gerard joined me a minute later.

“Oh, my, God, baby! It’s happening. Can you believe it?”

“Barely,” He was combing his hair out of his face and staring at the floor, shaking his head, stunned, “You know it’s all because of you, right?” Hee looked up at me.

“I like to think that it had something to do with me, but I know that’s barely true.”

I began silently clapping my hands and jumping up and down. He walked over to me and hugged me. I pulled him into a big, long, wonderful kiss. I had bought Gerard a camcorder for his birthday in April and he grabbed it and took it with him. Then we walked out of my room, and it was back to business.

Geoff followed Gerard and I as we picked up Frank and Mikey.

I sat on the passenger seat backwards and was filming the boys and getting their first thoughts on becoming people with actual day jobs.

"Hi Frankie." I said.

"Hey there, BabeCam." He spoke to me behind the camera.

"So, it's Monday, May 8, 2002, and what are you and Mikey and Gerard gonna go do right now?" I directed, panning around the three boys in the car.

"Were about to work with one of our heroes." Mikey excitedly answered.

"That's pretty cool, I guess." Again, with the blase attitude, knowing it was throwing the boys for a loop.

"It's pretty cool, unless you're, like, a fucking ZOMBIE or something!" Frankie yelled, putting his face really close to the lens.

I pushed him away, "Stop, you'll fog it all up, you heavy-breathing-son-of-a-bitch!"

He leaned back against his seat, "So, sorry Gerard, you can't be excited." Frankie joked with his deadpan humor, his head turned towards the window, but looking at Gerard out of the corner of his eye.

I panned over to him driving, he was smiling calmly.

"Ha, okay, sorry guys!" Gerard looked at Frank in the rear view mirror, "That's right, children, I'm a fucking ZOMBIE! Isn't that COOL?!" Gerard announced to the camera, with a demented Mr. Rogers-meets-Nosferatu smile.

"What about you Mikey? What do you want to report to posterity?" I interviewed.

"Um... I'm fucking scared OUT of my mind right now." He came up to the camera, but then leaned back and folded his hands in his lap.

"That's what you want to say?" I confirmed.

"Yep. That's all." He supported.

"That's cool."

"Yeah, it's cool," Frank leaned forward between the driver's and passenger's seat and shook his finger at Gerard, "Ah ah ah, remember Gerard, no emotion!" Frank joked some more.

I flung the camera around to Gerard again, "I got it Frank." He reaffirmed, shoving Frank's head until it disappeared into the backseat again.

I shot about a minute of us laughing and then shut the camera off for the time being.

We picked up some burgers and milkshakes. Then the five of us arrived at the Cube and were joined by Ray and Otter.

Everything clicked right away. MCR played “Vampires”, “Honey”, “Drowning Lessons”, my personal favorite, “Our Lady of Sorrows”, in which the title came from the meaning of my name(true story), and lastly, “Headfirst For Halos”.

I filmed "Headfirst".

It was “Headfirst” that really got to Geoff. The lightbulb went off and you could see the gears turning in his head. He was so excited about it he could barely speak.

“Every time, I try to put a sentence together, it falls apart before I can say it. This song is just really blowing my mind right now...," Geoff said with a laugh, standing up, then sitting down, "I can’t TAKE it!” He told the camera in great spirits.

MCR was looking amongst themselves, excitedly embarrassed. I looked at Gerard. I was so proud of him, there was no one in the world who deserved this more than him. He was so deeply in touch with every ugly part of himself, he couldn’t help but move you, when he sang or painted. He could see right into a person’s soul, rip it out, tear it apart, throw it on the floor, step on it, and then take it and put it in a song or on a canvas and make it beautiful. I was so, so proud. He was so, so amazing, and the best part was... he wanted to be with me.

My thoughts were cut off by Geoff.

“This stuff is fucking amazing you guys, but, do you have anything you’re working on right now? So I can get a feel for what direction you want to go in.”

Gerard looked at Ray, “Uh, yeah, but it needs some work. We were thinking it might need another guitar.”

“Well, play it for me.”

“Okay.”

I filmed Ray change the tuning of his guitar and then strum out the first few bars of, what was then called, “A Dead Love Song At Dawn,” a play of words from the movie, Dawn of the Dead, but then shut the camera off.

I could tell when Gerard was nervous, because whenever he got scared on stage, he wouldn’t take his eyes off me. He was staring at me, and I imitated his big, fake, cheesy, smile that he gave me all the time, which made him grin slightly and sing louder.

“Elevators,
and half price sales,
trapped in by all these mountains.
Running away
and hiding with you,
I never thought they’d get me here.”

He looked down and shook his head, realizing the irony and reality of the words. The words made a lot of sense to me too. He worked at the mall, was staying at my house, in essence, hiding. But his hiding had gotten us to this amazing pinnacle in our lives.

“Not knowing you’d change from just
one
bite.
I fought them all off,
just to
hold you
close and tight.”

I loved the song, and always got goosebumps whenever I heard it, still do.

“Alright,” Geoff’s words made me jump, “That was great. You won’t believe how blown the fuck away I am right now!”

Geoff was adjusting his cap, and I started clapping and Frank followed. I always applauded, even though I knew it made the guys a little uncomfortable.

“Uh, I think I could probably come up with a complimentary part,” Frank informed, “If you give me a minute.”

“Really? That would be great. What do you think, Geoff?” Gerard asked.

“It’s perfect.”

“Okay, I’ll be bright back.” Frankie said, grabbing a guitar and out the door.

Geoff, MCR, and I began talking about what needed to happen next.

“Well, if you guys want to start playing some bigger gigs, you’re gonna need some promotional pictures. And a rerecorded demo is gonna help a lot. The unified vision you guys have is really favorable, every little unique part helps.” I listed.

The boys were looking at me like I was a martian, they seemed impressed by my “vocational” language. Geoff nodded at me, he seemed impressed, too, but he didn’t really know me in any other setting.

“She’s right. I dig the whole concept album approach. But, you have to be really careful on how you go about doing it. If you not cautious you can come off as.. as...” Geoff warned.

“Pretentious.” Mikey added, somewhat surprising us.

“Yeah, really pretentious.” Geoff finished.

Everyone got their ideas out and about an hour had past.

“Um, I’m gonna go check on Frankie.” I let out along with an awkward laugh, where could he be?

I pulled out a cigarette as I entered the parking lot. The van Otter had driven over was all fogged up. I walked over to it and could hear Frank’s guitar. I knocked on the window and he slid the door open.

“It’s fucking cold out here babe, what are you doing?”

“Did you know Otter’s damn van doesn’t have any heat?”

I laughed, “No.”

“Piece of shit... Okay, well what do you think?”

He played the part he just wrote. It was one of the most mellow things Frankie had written, ever. It was subtle, but I could already hear what it would sound like with Ray’s lead.

“It sounds perfect.” I complimented.

“Thanks. Look,” He handed me a pizza box with some notes and chords scribbled on it, “I wrote it down! Aren’t you proud of me?!” He asked, fishing for more compliments.

“You did what?! Oh! I’m SO proud of you Frankie!” I praised him like a second grade teacher. It was what he needed sometimes.

He stepped out of the car and walked back towards the building.

“What? You’re not gonna take your pizza box with you?”

“Oh, shut up. At least I wrote it down....” Frankie was muttering under his breath, walking back inside.

Our session went well into the early hours of the next day. A few new songs were even written. Geoff and I didn't even go home before we were right back were we started, in Mike's office at Eyeball Records. We agreed that the next stop was recording and had to get everything set up promptly. The rest of our week was dedicated to finding a studio and setting up a photography session. After that weekend's set of gigs, and Sexday, it was May 15, 2002, and were recorded for the next ten days.