I'm the Kind of Human Wreckage That You Love.

**BTW; I REALLY love comments!**

Gerard and I finished a pot of coffee, it seemed that it was what we lived on these days. Gerard got comfy on the couch with his sketch book and some felt tip pens and I headed into the shower. When I finished my shower and put some clean clothes on I came out and Gerard informed me, with raised eyebrows, that Frankie and Jamia had gone home.

“I have to admit... they looked pretty sexy...” Gerard joked.

I went into work really late, but all I got all day were compliments from everybody. I dreaded breaking the news to Mike that I couldn’t manage the band.

“Hey Mike, when you get a minute, I need to talk to you.” I informed him, leaning on the frame of his door.

“Okay, sure, I need to make a phone call, but then we can talk.”

I gave him the thumbs up and walked into my office. Upon sitting down, I realized that I didn’t know what I had to do. All of Pencey’s stuff was void. All of My Chem’s stuff was finished. And to tell the truth, I couldn’t remember anything of what I did before we started recording. So I patiently sat and twiddled my fingers. By the way, who ever thought that was fun, or at least time-consuming? ‘Cuz, it not...

“So? What can I do you for?” Mike said, swinging into my office and sitting on my desk.

“Well, Mike. I can’t manage My Chem.”

“What? They’re all you’ve been talking about for weeks!”

“I know, I know, but I just feel like my relationships in the band won’t be cohesive in success.”

“What? With Frankie?”

“No, no, it’s not that. Gerard is sort of... my boyfriend... and living with me.”

“Ah. Well...”

“I’m really sorry. I won’t just back out all of a sudden, I mean, I’m available as long as you need before we find a replacement-” I started talking really fast again, but Mike cut me off.

“I get it. Don’t worry, I get it,” He reassured me, standing up heading for the door, “You know, it’s very big, and wise of you to back out now. Not many people would,” He left and started walking down the hall, “I bet I wouldn’t!” He admitted from down the hall.

“Thanks, Mike!” I couldn’t stop smiling. I crossed my legs and put them up on my desk with my hands behind my head nodding to myself, very pleased.

“Wait!” I stood up and poked my head out of my door, “What should I be doing right now?” I shouted down the hall to Mike.

“I would think about finding yourself a job!” He answered with a smart aleck tone in his voice.

“Right...” I said under my breath, mentally smacking myself in the forehead.

I stood in my doorframe and tapped my fingers for a moment, waiting for a plan of action to pop into my head. Then it hit me. I’ll stop into the interns office and listen to some demos.

My friend Natalie worked there, so I decided to look for her first.

“Have you seen Nat?” I asked the first person I saw.

“Um, yeah, she’s down the hall. Where we get mail.”

“So, the, um, mailroom?” I asked, like a smart ass, I had to abuse my power sometimes.

“Haha... very funny.” The intern replied, getting the joke, but not being happy about it.

I hadn’t really talked to her in, what felt like, ages. I had to think of a clever way to greet her.

“Hey, I like your shoes, where’d you get ‘em, Hookers‘R’U?” I asked, swinging on the doorframe, you could tell by my humor we had a lot of history.

She shot a sour look at me, but then she realized it was me.

“Oh my GOD! HAhaha, that’s SO funny. Especially coming from you, KATMANDU!”

“Oh my God, I told everyone NEVER to call me that!” I yelled, while we jumped into a giant hug.

We laughed hysterically for a while, she had the funniest laugh you could ever imagine.

“Oh, wow, GOOD times.” I reflected, wiping tears from my eyes.

She was doing the same. We sat on photocopiers and remembered long forgotten, drunken nights.

“So? Why haven’t we hung out in such a long time?”

“I really don’t know. We really are like the same exact person.” I said.

Natalie and I grew up a block away from each other and we left California for New Jersey together. Don’t ask either of us why we chose Jersey. We just picked a place and were determined to make it work. She was my first roommate and basically the sister I never had. Then I started to think about why we didn’t talk anymore. We figured out how to do everything together. What could come between that... Oh yeah... she started dating this guy, Jacob, I could not stand. He had douchebag written all over him, but I couldn’t convince her I was right. We were still friendly, but her boyfriend hated me as much as I hated him, and girls always pick their boyfriends over their girlfriends. All our friends hated him too and we just drifted apart. It was sad, really. She just recently got a job here, and I talked to her, but only in passing.

“I know, right? Well, what brings you to my neck of the woods?”

“I have to save my job, actually.”

“Is that right? So... you come to ask an intern...? I don’t get it.”

“Ha, no, that’s not it, not that I don’t think you’d be qualified. I came to listen to some demos. I need to find a new band to manage.”

“Oh! Well, thats just my expertise!”

“I know! That’s why I came. So, have you found any really bomb bands, lately?”

“Actually...” She hopped down and began to shuffle through some boxes full of tapes and cds, “These guys.” She handed me a, pretty professional looking, cd.

I took it, “Venetian Silicone... that sounds so familiar....,” I looked up at her, she had a look in her eyes, “Should I know- Wait a minute?! Didn’t we go to school with these guys?!”

“Yeah!”

“Oh shit, I remember, it’s that kid that went to LACHSA. They’re still at it? Wow, how the Hell did we get this here in Jersey?”

“Well, you know Jacob?”

I groaned at the mention of his name, “Yes... unfortunately.”

She punched me in the arm, “Shut up. Well, I went back to L.A. for a couple months after me and him broke up, and went out with Tim for a while. When I got back here, I asked for his demo, because they actually got good.”

“Really? You’re not with Jacob!?” It was, basically, the only thing I heard.

“No...”

“Thank you GOD! We can hang out again!”

“I guess so.”

“Woohoo! Today just gets better and better.”

“I’m so glad for you. Now, let’s just listen to the tape.”

“Do I hint a bit of sarcasm in your voice?”

“Wow, you know me so well!”

“I do speak sarcasm as a second language. I know Frankie.”

“Oh yeah....mmmm, Frankie.”

“Sorry, pretty lady, he’s taken. You should’ve jumped him when you had the chance.”

“Really? Ah, shit.” She cursed herself as she loaded the tape into a huge, worn boombox.

The music was good and I asked Nat to come home for dinner.

“We can catch up on your life post-Jacob and you can give me all the details about Venetian Silicone.”

“Sounds good. I get off at six.”

“I get off whenever my boyfriend touches me, but whatever floats your boat...” I joked.

It made her giggle, “Shut up.... You have a boyfriend?”

“Oh yeah, I forget some people don’t know... you’ll probably meet him, he lives with me.”

“Wow, I’ve been out of your life for too long, Katmandu.”

“Jeez, stop calling me that!” I demanded with a smile as I walked out of the room with the tape.

“Meet you here at at six!” She yelled after me.

After I reached my office, I put the tape on constant rotation and started jotting down some ideas I could present to the band and questions I would have for Natalie. Then I called Gerard, just to talk.

I got the answering machine, “Hey... it’s me, guess you’re not home...”

“Hey, babe, I’m here," He picked up the phone, "I was painting. It’ll be my surprise for you when you get home, you’re gonna love it.”

“Oh, well this isn't important so...”

“No, no, what’s up?”

“I told Mike I’m not gonna manage you guys.”

“Oh really? Is he okay with it?”

“Yeah, and I’m already starting a new project. I went to investigate some new demos and I ran into the girl I moved to Jersey with.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, and she gave me this really awesome demo, and we talked for, like, an hour and I invited her to dinner. Is that okay?”

“Yeah, sure, it’s just...”

“What?”

“My painting is on this huge canvas, and I was gonna show it to you, but then I was gonna fuck you on it...” He revealed with a disappointed sigh.

“Gerard! Baby, don’t you ever think you might be on speaker phone?!”

“No.”

“Well... you should! That’s very sweet, honey, and very sexy, and we’ll just have to do it another time, okay? I'm sorry." I apologized with a strange laugh, he was a such sweet, odd guy.

"I guess..." He decided with dismay, "So her name's Natalie, right?"

"Yeah.... Aw, Gerard, you sound so sad. I feel really bad."

"It's okay. It's just... it was the greatest idea I've had in a while."

I laughed at him then hung up the phone. It was only 5:15 and I was really bored, so I decided to go bug Natalie and convince her to ditch work early. She agreed and we picked up some burgers on the way home.

When we arrived at my place Gerard was acting really strange. He didn’t make eye contact with anyone, just sat in front of the TV. Nat and I ate on the table in the kitchen, but he was glued to the sofa.

I shrugged my shoulders after Natalie gave me a “what’s up with him?” look.

“I don’t know, man. He’s shy, but never like this. He at least pretends to be friendly.” I whispered, even though I didn’t think he would hear me even if I shouted it.

She laughed, understanding, “Well, I’m gonna go get some stuff from the car.”

“ ’Kay, here’s the keys.”

As soon as Nat closed the door behind her, I jumped on Gerard on the couch and gave him a kiss.

“What’s up with you baby? You’re not still bummed about the ‘fuck me’ painting are you?”

“No, nothing’s wrong.” He said, calmly.

“You’re not telling me something, I can tell.”

“Riiiight, ‘Cuz you know me so well?!” He hurtfully laughed out, pushing me off him.

“What the fuck is your problem?” I was mad.

“Nothing! God, didn’t you hear me?!” He walked into our room and muttered to himself, “For christsakes...”

I followed him in.

“What the hell happened?”

He looked up at me and I just knew he had something to say to me. We both heard Natalie come back in and our eye contact was broken. He shoved past me.

“I’m going for a walk.”

I watched him storm out of the apartment and shut the door. I was so embarrassed and looked over at Natalie ashamed.



I gave a quick, absent-minded laugh, but could feel tears forming in my eyes, “I really don’t know why he’s being like this right now. I’m really sorry, Nat.”

“No, don’t be. It’s okay.”

“So where were we?” I asked trying to get my mind off of Gerard and his present moodiness.

“Here’s all the guys numbers... and here’s their official demo, and some pictures... are you okay? We can talk you know?”

“I know we can talk, I can talk to you about anything, it’s just, I don’t know what to say. I have no idea what the fuck is going on.”

She nodded at me with concern and insight.

“I’m here anytime.” She guaranteed.

I nodded wiping a singular tear, “So this is them, huh? Wow, they’ve grown up. I guess we all have.”

“Yeah, look at Vasco, he got kind of tall.”

“Oh yeah! Haha. Let me see... So there’s Vasco, Tim and Katy Tong, Julian, and Ryan. Yep, same gang’s all here. Where they livin’ these days?”

“Back in L.A. But they said they’d come if they got a deal.”

We talked and negotiated for hours and made a date to call them tomorrow at work. Nat left around ten and I waited up for Gerard, but he never came home.

I was a bit too pissed to care, and way to upset to go looking for him. He’s a grown adult, just like I am, he needs to start acting like one and letting people in. I thought giving him time to himself to cool down would be the best thing.