I'm the Kind of Human Wreckage That You Love.

I had gotten winded from a fit of laughter and was laying on my back on the floor. Frankie came and stood over me then sat down on my chest, making it even harder to breathe. I pushed him off, sat up and crossed my legs, Frank did the same and then Tim came and sat on my lap. Gerard came and sat on Frank’s lap and put him arms around his neck.

“I’m not too fat for you am I?” Tim asked me.

“What are you talking about?! If my eyes were closed, I wouldn’t even know you were there.” I replied.

“Well, you’re lucky! My legs are fucking BROKEN!” Frankie yelped about Gerard on his lap.

Gerard looked at me then to Frankie with fake tears welling in his eyes.

“Ahhh-ha-ha!,” Gerard cried up to the ceiling, “You think I’m fat!”

“What?!” Frankie asked.

Gerard jokingly grabbed Frankie by the neck and pinned him down on the floor.

“Aaahhh! Help! Attack boyfriend!” Frankie yelled.

“No, Gerard, that’s not what he said right? RIGHT, Frankie?!” I jumped on Gerard’s back. He let go of Frankie and rolled on top of me.

“Yeah, right. That’s right.” Frankie promised, laughing.

“He’s lucky he has you.” Gerard told me

“You’re lucky to have me... Now don’t kiss-”

Before I finished he swept down like a hawk and kissed me, furiously. I could hear Mikey ‘Eewww!’ us, which made Gerard laugh in my mouth. I hit his chest and turned my head away from him.

“...me. Don’t kiss me, stupid!”

“Aw, why not?” He whined.

“Yeah why not? Why don’t we all just kiss you?” Tim suggested.

“Haha. Because that would be WEIRD.” I confirmed.

“Oh man, I call Spin the Bottle!” Frankie yelled at the top of his lungs.

“That’s not how you do it. You can’ just call Spin the Bottle. It’s not like Shotgun, in the car.” Katy said.

“Sure it is.” Frankie defended.

“No, no it’s not.”

“Uh-huh!”

“You’re both drunk!” I told them from the floor on Gerard’s lap, “And anyways, we’d need more girls, or it would feel like me and Katy were being gang-raped.”

“Fine, call all your friends, then, Ms. SmartyPants.” Frankie said, crossing his arms.

“All my friends are your friends. Call your girlfriend.” I raised my eyebrow at him.

“Wait? Where the hell are we? I wouldn’t even know how to tell anyone to get here.” Julian said, seemingly out of no where.

“Right, like we’d want you to invite any of you jailbait girlfriends, anyway.” Tim said, rolling his eyes and throwing a piece of paper at his sister.

“Hey!,” Katy said about the paper, “Don’t! ...Why don’t I invite Nat, and some other people...”

“Yeah! You’re friends are hot! And legal!” Vasco exclaimed, after quietly looking on to our activity for a while.

“Sweet! Imma call Jamia, and then Jose and then Troy and then Sara...” Frankie started slurring and rambling.

Katy went to the phone on the wall and dialed a number.

“Wait? Where are we going?”

“Katmandu’s place! Right, babe?” Frank looked over to ask me.

Gerard had pushed me up against a wall and I couldn’t answer because my mouth was... preoccupied.

“Ah, Christ... KATMANDU!,” I didn’t answer, but Frank continued without me, “Okay, whatever, she’ll just have to be okay with it. Call ALL your friends, we’re gonna have a Spin the Bottle EXTRAVAGANZA.”

By the time I came around and learned of the plans, I was in such a state of ecstasy, I could’ve cared less if they had been planning homicide.

We drove to my house, picking up some alcoholic reinforcements on the way. Almost a dozen people showed up along with the eleven of us. Let’s see, there was Jamia and Sid and Nat, Troy and Sara, Jose and his brother Ian, Nick, Buddy, Mia, Sarah F., Laryssa, Chelsea, Annie, Taylor, and Emma. Needless to say it was a full house. Otter started passing out plastic red cups and Frankie and I were walking around with bottles of vodka and rum.

“Oh shit, Frankie do you still have the ‘Tube of Doom’?” I asked him, practically yelling because someone had turned the stereo on.

“Yeah! Should I go get it?”

“Ummmm... YES!”

Before Frank and I ever had any kind of life, all we would do is get drunk and/or high. We’d would get extremely creative, too. We’d invent special devices for our evil ways, including this beer funnel Frank’s friend Troy gave us the idea for. Who knows how many times that fucking thing has made my nostrils burn from liquor shooting out of my nose.

Frankie ran out of the house along with Troy, to his house to retrieve our creation.

“Now remember, no one pee, because as you start going to the bathroom, you can NEVER stop. We’ve all learned that lesson haven’t we?”

“YES!” The group said in unison.

“Dude, you have Atari?!” Ian asked me.

“Hell yes, I have Atari. And by that I mean, Hell yes Frank left his Atari here!” I replied semi-mocking his obnoxious enthusiasm.

“Oh it’s SO on, right now!” Buddy yelled with his hands over his head.

“Bring it on, buddy! Haha, buddy... get it? ‘Cause your name is Buddy! hahahha.” Ian started laughing like a jackal.

“You guys are jackasses!” I told them.

The boys started playing and sat on the couch, with the rest of us surrounding them adding drunken comments here and there.

Frankie rushed through the door holding the Tube of Doom like the holy grail.

“Dun-duh-de-dun!” He trumpeted, “Alas, we arrive, and I hold the treasure!”

“Let’s fill this baby up, bro! Who’s first?” Troy said, catching up with Frankie inside.

“Me!!” I exclaimed, happy to be seeing our old friend again.

“Okay, babe, what’s your poison?” Frankie asked.

“I’ma have to go with the classic ol’ Heineken.” I answered.

Frankie grabbed some cans and began popping them open. Troy handed me the Tube, and I looked upon it in recollection.

“I’ve got to see this!” Ray said, surprised.

“What? You’ve never see her wasted? If you think she’s hot now... just wait. You’ll have a best friend in no time!” Gerard jested smiling.

“Hey! Fu-” I hiccuped, throwing the boys into a tidal wave of hysterical laughter. I punched all of them in the chest.

“Oh, this is going to be fun.” Frankie said, acting serious.

“Ow! Does she get weaker when she's drunk?” Ray asked Gerard, as if I weren’t even there.

“Nope.” He responded.

“Just fill up the damn Tube, bitches!” I put the cylinder to my lips and bent over so Frankie could reach the top. Tilting my head back, I opened my throat awaiting the beer.

“Wow, she has done this before...” Ray observed.

“Yeah, she swallows....” Gerard implied.

I kicked him in the shin. He was bouncing away in pain as I started gulping down the beer.

“Chug it! Chug it! Chug it!” Everyone cheered.

I managed to down two cans and stain the front of my shirt. I stood straight up and gasped, wiping the residue from my lips.

“Yeeeaah!.... SO, who’s next!” I giddily asked, already feeling the buzz.

“I love you.” Frank said in amazement.

“Yeah, me too.” Gerard said.

“Woo! I love you guys too!” I ran and threw my arms around Gerard, “Let’s go change my shirt.”

“Okay...” Frankie joked.

“Not you silly!”

“Oh,... Jamia! Do you have to change your shirt?” Frankie yelled to her across the room, where she was watching the video games. “Please say yes, please say yes, please say yes...” He prayed under his breath with his eyes squeezed shut.

“What?!” She returned confused.

“Just c’mere.” He told her, while Gerard and I stepped into our room.

When we walked in we found Mikey and Sid making out on our bed.

“Ah, shit! My eyes! My eyes! Isn't’ that right Mikey?!” Gerard laughed out.

“Shut up, Gerard!” Mikey scolded adjusting his glasses.

“I’m so sorry guys,” I apologized, “I just came to change my shirt, then we’ll leave and you can go back to doing whatever.”

“Yeah, condoms are in the second drawer to your left, bro.” Gerard taunted.

“Stop it!” I reprimanded Gerard while pulling my head through Frankie’s beat up Circle Jerks t-shirt. I grabbed his collar and pulled him out of the room and closed the door behind us, “You’re so mean, babe!”

“What?! He does that to me!”

“Yeah, but you do it right in front of him! All the time!”

“You do too!”

“Yeah, when you make me!” I reminded him.

“Shut up, I do not.” He whined.

“You so do!”

“Shut up!”

“You shut up!”

“No.... you.” He returned with his signature ‘sexy’ look, then grabbed me and slammed me against the door into a kiss.

I pushed him away after a minute, “You taste like beer and JuicyFruit.”

“Is that good?”

“It’s not bad.”

“Good.” He leaned in again but I ducked out of the way and ran and jumped on Frankie’s back.

“Uuuh! You should warn people you know?” He complained.

I grabbed a cup off the counter, “Fill me up, scotty!” I ordered.

Jamia poured me a cup full of something, and whatever it was, it was really good.

“Wait... I feel like I’m forgetting something.... Weren’t we here for a reason?” Frankie thought out loud.

“Oh, yeah. What was it?” I wondered, still on Frankie’s shoulders.

“Spin the Bottle!” Katy recalled.

“Duh!” Frank and I said in unison.

Gerard pulled me off Frank’s back and sat down on the floor, pulling me down with him. Everyone started to get the idea and sat down as well. Everyone was sitting in a circle and a moment of awkward silence fell.

“Are we missing something?” Julian said.

“Other than Mikey and SId?” Gerard whispered to me, making me giggle.

“Don’t we need a bottle?” Nat said.

“Oh yeah.” Frank jumped up and downed the last drink of a bottle and set in on the floor in the middle of everyone.

“I’ll go first.” Buddy said competitively, eyeing some of the girls around him.

Buddy spun and it landed on...