I'm the Kind of Human Wreckage That You Love.

I woke up that morning and tried to wake up Gerard, who hadn’t moved from where I placed him earlier that morning. With no avail, I left him and stumbled my way into the bathroom, dying for some frickin’ aspirin. On my way to the bathroom I looked down the hall to see who was still here. I saw Frank on the couch and a few pairs of legs on the floor. I brought out the whole bottle of pills, knowing it would be of use by everyone. Jamia was the only one up, and had sat down at the kitchen table.

“Hey, I started the coffee pot, I hope you don’t mind.” She quietly told me.

“Nope, not at all.” I yawned out, stretching my arms over my head, “So, Frank get fresh with you last night? ‘Cuz, I’ll kick his ass if he acted like an horny bastard.”

She laughed, “No, he pretty much just fell asleep and drooled on me all night.”

“Oh... I’m sorry.” I said with a sideways smile, smelling the strong aroma filling the kitchen.

“He wasn’t that bad.... not bad at all.” Jamia sighed, absent-mindedly.

“So...,” I gave her a gossipy smirk, “How far have you gone?”

“Just as far as you guys have apparently...”

“Oh, be quiet. You know he... we don’t mean anything by it, right? We just like messing with each other.”

“Yeah, I know, don’t worry.”

“Okay, good, ‘cuz he’ll fucking kill me if I break up you two. He really likes you.”

“Yeah... I know.”

She was silent for a while but then cracked a reaffirming smile, then we both laughed out loud.

“Frank’s just a slut, it’s just in his nature.”

“That’s so true.”

I glanced back and seeing the coffee was done, I got up and poured us two mugs. We talked until the smell woke up Gerard and Toro.

“Huelo el café.” Ray said, in Spanish, striding into the kitchen.

“!Es Torosaurus! ¡Buenos días, muchachos! El café está allá.” I returned.

“Mmmmm...” Ray reached for the coffee like a zombie.

Gerard came over and took a seat between Jamia and I, then kissed my forehead.

“I didn’t know you spoke Spanish.” He admitted

“Yep. I didn’t know Ray did either.” I told him, smiling at his early morning cuteness, with another yawn.

“Solamente un poco.” Ray said from behind us, measuring how much by holding his fingers about an inch apart.

“No, hablas bien.”

“What did you guys just say?” Jamia asked.

“No, eres mayor que yo.” Ray answered.

“Okay, now really, are you bad talking us, or what?” Gerard asked.

“Me gusta cuando no saben.”

“Haha, yo también...” I noticed Jamia and Gerard’s faces, “Okay, okay, stop glaring. First I said, ‘Good morning, the coffee is over there,’ then, he said he only spoke a little, then I said, he speaks well.”

“That’s all?” Gerard made sure.

“Um... yeah, sure.” I said taking a sip of my coffee.

Ray laughed from behind us, giving it away.

“Okay, was I dreaming, or was there another language going on here?” Frankie asked sitting up on the couch and rubbing his eyes.

“What did you say?!” Gerard growled nuzzling into the crook of my neck making me giggle until I was light-headed.

“Don’t! You made me dizzy,” I put my hand on the table to try to keep the room from spinning, “Ray said he likes when you don’t understand and then I said, ‘me too.’”

I looked at Jamia who was giving Gerard and I an ‘Awwww...” look.

“So, Frankie did you dream of Jamia anoche,” I coughed, “I mean, last night?”

“Oh, yeah.” He said sleepily.

She smiled, “That’s why you were drooling, right?”

“Of course, babe.” Frankie proclaimed, getting up and heading for the fridge.

When he past Jamia, he lightly ran his finger up her arm, giving her goosebumps. I mouthed the word ’slut’ to her making her laugh under her breath.

“We got anymore beer, babes?” Frank asked.

“Beer? What time is it?”

“Like, 11:30, and yes, I think we do have some more.”

“Cool.”

“Hey, grab me one, too.” Gerard asked.

I looked at him strangely.

“Hey, I didn’t know you spoke Spanish, you didn’t know I drink beer in the morning.” He defended himself.

“I do love learning.”

Frank and Gerard opened their beers and sat on the couch, joined by Ray. Jamia and I stepped outside for a smoke. After about twenty minutes, I felt like I was really getting to know Jamia. All of Frankie’s peculiar actions were making sense, she was awesome.

“I think Frank has always believed every girl is in love with him.”

“Yeah, I’m starting to see that. I’m gonna have to use a leash when we go out.”

“Haha, seriously. You better control your ho.”

Our snickers were cut off by Frank.

“Hey your TV is broken, there isn’t anything good on.”

“Maybe it’s not my TV, and maybe it’s just you knuckleheads.”

“No, I’m pretty sure it’s your TV.”

“God, get out of here, Frankie.” I playfully pushed him out of the way and headed inside.

He turned his head in a lowered direction, just like he always did, and watched me walk away.

“Frank!” Jamia complained.

“What?! I wasn’t looking!”

“You’re such a bad liar.”

“Well, that’s a good thing.”

“So you were looking!”

“Hey! You tricked me! No fair.”

“All’s fair in...” Jamia started, but trailed off, embarrassed.

“...Love and war.” Frankie finished, not embarrassed.

I smiled at their perfect-ness.

“Babe, there’s nothing on.” Gerard whined.

“Then let’s fuck with people, babe.” I replied.

“Duuuude, that’s brilliant.” Ray agreed.

“I have some shaving cream... Gerard, go get it in the bathroom. Toro, come help me find some string.”

“Okay.”

“Did I hear string cheese?” Frankie asked excitedly, entering the room with Jamia.

“No.”

“Aw, man...” He said, innocently bummed.

Toro and I began searching through drawers in the kitchen, but we didn’t find anything suitable.

“Wait! I have a shoe string!” I remembered, running into my bedroom.

I flew open the door and saw Sid and Mikey asleep on the bed. Quietly, I slid back my closet door and grabbed a tennis shoe. Taking hold of a string, I unlaced the shoe in one sweeping motion.

“What are you doing?” Sid asked, surprising me.

“Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“No, it’s okay, I’ve been awake.” She explained but then looked down at the string in my hand.

“Oh! We’re going to mess with Buddy, who’s still sleeping like a log. Wanna come?”

“Sure.” She said, indifferently, and slid out of bed, leaving Mikey behind.

We walked back out into the front room.

“So what we you gonna do, babe? Oh, good morning Sid.” Gerard questioned.

Sid just smiled and headed for the coffee.

“We’re gonna put shaving cream into Buddy’s hand and tickle his nose, and see what happens!” I giggled.

“Oh... good times.”

“I hate this one, she’s done it to me, like, a dozen times.” Frankie grumbled.

Jamia snorted at him, not hiding her displeasure of him at the moment.

“Okay, hand me the shaving cream. C’mere Toro.” I directed.

“I don’t know about this...” Ray worried.

“It’ll be fine, he loves me, he could never get mad at me.”

Gerard bent over to where Buddy was on the floor and moved his right hand, so it was facing up. I squirted the shaving cream into a mountain into his cupped hand. Ray began to graze Buddy’s face with the shoe string. Buddy’s nose started to wiggle and he began to stir. We were all looking at one another in excited expectation.

“Oh my God, I thought Mikey was bad...” Sid scoffed at us, drinking her coffee on the counter.

“Shhhh!” Everyone shushed her and turned back to watch to fun.

“I think he’s gonna...” Just as Gerard started..... SPLAT.