I'm the Kind of Human Wreckage That You Love.

Gerard’s Point of View

I shot one last glance back at her. I got lightheaded and felt... what was it? I couldn’t put my finger on it, but it was powerful, meaningful.

The band was excitedly talking about nothing and Buddy was only making our anticipation worse. He was telling stories about bands that went on one tour and sold millions of records and then got contracts with huge labels.

Pfft, fucking labels. Buying and selling people and their art and dreams and lives, all in a day’s work. I never wanted that, and I knew the rest of the guys didn’t either. I had a a glimpse of that cesspool when I was in art school, trying to break into the industry. The Cartoon Network offered me a position. The Cartoon Network, a fucking kid’s show network, was chock-full of dirty business politics that made me look differently at the world. It showed me how ruthless and selfish everyone was, only out for themselves. Being caught up in that world would have been easy.

Thank God Mikey can’t draw...

‘Shit,’ I thought, ‘I’m getting bitter and we’ve only been on the road twenty minutes. I better stop, she wouldn’t want me to-’

I missed her already. Thinking of her made me not want to be dark and twisted and antisocial, and that’s what I’m all about. That’s how people know me. She made me want to be sunny and brave and content. It was really strange.

I stared at the passing scenery that was becoming less and less familiar and thought about the band.

This was it.

Our chance.

We were, pretty much, leaving everything behind for this and we didn’t even know if it was going to work.

But, it had to work. We’re different, we had a message, we had a look, we had-

“Hey, don’t fall asleep just yet, Gerard. I’m way too exciting to be ignored. I don’t care if you are the singer.” Buddy harped at me, looking in his rearview mirror.

He brought me back down, “What? Oh, sorry, I’m just... I’m just thinking.”

“You think a lot.” Mikey said, sitting beside me.

“Yeah... and you don’t.” Frank added with a laugh, throwing a straw wrapper at Mikey’s head.

“Hey! Frank!” Mikey started a slapping fight with Frank, who was sitting in front of him next to Ray.

“Okay, okay, stop!” Ray said and held down Frank’s hands while Mikey stopped, “God, I can’t take you guys anywhere.”

We were all laughing when a Thursday song came on the local indie radio station.

“Woo! See?! This’ll be you in a few months.” Buddy yelled over the loud radio.

“Hell yeah it will!” Frank screeched, very pleased with himself.

“I need a cigarette.” I announced caused by all the ruckus along with my own dark thoughts.

I struggled my way to the front of the bus to trade places with Otter in the passenger seat. Lighting up, I slipped back into my state of oblivion, my eyes flooded with blurs speeding by.

The rest of the van fell quiet, but in about 4 hours we had arrived and all I could think was that I needed to find a phone and call my girl.

God, I hoped this’ll work out.

Normal Point of View

Sid and I had gone to Tick Tock to grab a quick cup of coffee to calm our nerves and what was supposed to be half an hour tops became three hours. It was about 2pm, and I figured Gerard and the boys had gotten into Boston. Safely I prayed, remembering Buddy was driving.

The phone rang, surprising me, “Hello?” I looked over at Sid who was quite amused because I had almost dropped my cell into my cup of joe.

“Hey, babe. Watcha doin’?”

It was Gerard, who sounded a bit shaky.

“Why, thinkin’ of you darlin’.” I told him. He laughed quickly, “So what’s the stage like?”

“It’s pretty huge.”

“Don’t sound so calm.” I joked, because he sounded reasonably freaked.

“Yeah, I know, shaddup. I need a fucking drink.” His Jersey accent flamed when he was nervous or upset.

“Then get one. When do you go on?”

“3:30, and we’re outside. I’m gonna be blinded.”

“You freakin’ creature of the night... Suck it up soldier!”

“Hey, I’d rather be a creature of the night than a gross, tan, Italian dude.”

I heard an unfamiliar voice from the other side of the phone, “Um... My Chemical Romance?”

“Oh, shit, they’re calling us for sound check, babe. I guess I got to go.”

“Okay, thanks for calling. Go grab yourself some beers. I love you.”

“I love you, I’ll call you later.”

I hung up, “Well, they’re there, and scared shitless. They have sound check, or I’m sure Mikey would’ve talked to you.”

“Oh, it’s okay. I kind of don’t want to talk to him. I don’t feel like talking him down from the bridge right now. He does fine when he just plays, it’s when he has time to think about things that he gets scared.” She buried her face in her palm.

She was worried.

I was worried.

Gerard’s P.O.V.

“My Chemical Romance? You’re up on the Hill Stage.”

I turned to see some guy wearing a Boston Celtics hat holding a clipboard call our name. I turned back around to say goodbye to Kat. That’s such a funny nickname, but it fit.

“I guess I got to go.... I love you, I’ll call you later.”

“I love you! Call you Later! Would you like a foot massage with that?!” Otter taunted me, his hands laced under his chin.

“Wow, you’re the ugliest chick I’ve ever seen!” I pushed by him to the drink stand, “I need a goddamn beer.”

“Sorry, I’m no Katmandu, but admit it, you’d hit this.” Otter ran his hand down his side, I think he had found beer before any of the rest of us.

“Yeah right,” I took a long swig from my can, “You know Frankie’s on the top of my list.”

I grabbed another beer for the road as Buddy ushered us to the the Hill Stage. We got some “looks” as we flinched away from the sun and downed our beer walking towards sound check. It was pretty amazing, though. Our stuff was already set up for us, and tuned for once. We all hesitantly hopped up on stage and plugged in. Beginning with ‘Honey’ just because we always do. Toro hadn’t played six notes before kids started gathering around us.

‘Fuck it. If I leave now no one’ll ever know...,” I thought, “No. It’s time, kid, you’re in control. You can do this. You have to do it...’

Normal P.O.V.

We had to do something that would get our minds off things.

“Oh. My. God.” I exclaimed, making her look up at me.

“What?”

“Call Jamia and I’ll call Natalie and we’re going out.”

“I don’t know-”

“Well I do, so just call her okay?”

“Fine.”

We pulled out our respective cellular devices and dialed the girls’ numbers. Her hands shook from the caffeine while I was fine, realizing lately coffee had lost effect on me. They agreed to meet us, all dolled up, at my house at eight.

I went home and took a much needed nap and at around 4:30, I got another call from the boys. The very punch-drunk-in-love boys, I might add.

“OMIGOD, princess! It was so amazing!” Frank began a straight forward drunken rant, “Like, Gerard was singing, and then, like, like, the sun was fucking shining bright, and you’ll never guess what happened. You’ll NEEEEEEEVVER guess, babe. It was the kids, they st... started singing along. Like they knew the words, or something. And the sun was shining and then Gerard sang, and I played and it.... was... amazing. But I don’t really know because I’m really drunk right now sooooooo... bye.” Frank threw the words at me from the receiver.

Frank was a few sheets to the wind and I only caught every third word, but nonetheless, I was happy for him.

He didn’t hang up, but left the phone somewhere, “Wait! Frank! What?! Where’s Gerard?” I think I heard Frank walking away and singing with Otter when Gerard picked up the phone.

“Babe, babe, babe.... fuck.”

“What happened Gerard?” I asked.

“It was incredible, just fucking... fucking marvelous. Hahah, you like that word? Marvelous. Fuck yeah, we were TRIUMPHANT. Yeah...”

I was laughing at their drunken stupidity, “Wait? They sang along? That’s amazing!”

“I know, right?” His voice cracked, “I love you. I miss you. You had to of been here. It was... um... fuck. What was the word I just used?”

“Marvelous, babe. You were marvelous.”

“Right! We were... if I may say so myself.”

“You may. Well, you don’t sound scared anymore, so that’s good. But, babe, I love you and all, but I was getting ready to go out.”

“Oh. Is that right? Well, where to missy?”

“With Jamia and Sid and Natalie.”

“Oh, cool. I love you. Bye, sugar booger.”

“Don’t call me that!”

“Whatever, okay, okay, okay, I love you and.... bye.”

I shook my head at the phone in my hand before jumping into the shower.