I'm the Kind of Human Wreckage That You Love.

I Bet You're Not Fucking Pretty On The Inside.

Gerard and I got back to our apartment early in the morning. He went to collapse on our bed while I checked our messages. One message was from Frankie’s cousin Jack, who asked the band to perform the next night at a bar called Maxwell’s in Hoboken. I went to the bedroom to ask Gerard if he was up to it, but he was already asleep. I wasn’t that tired so I decided to go grocery shopping.

I slowly pushed the cart down the aisles of Princeton Grocers, grabbing all the essentials. They knew me there, so I went to pick up Gerard’s prescriptions. As the pharmacist handed me a small paper bag and I put it in my cart, I thought I heard a familiar voice. I listened, but it had stopped. Turning to leave, I heard it again. It was Natalie. I smirked and pushed around into the hair products aisle.

“Natalie, you know you don’t need anymore hair goop.” I told her.

“Hey! God, it’s been forever! I frickin’ missed you.” She excitedly acknowledged me.

She ran up and threw her arms around my neck. I hugged her back and when I opened my eyes, scanning up from the tile floor, I became aware of another familiar thing.

“Hey, girl! Long time, no see, huh?”

It was fucking Olivia.

I thought I left her back in fucking New York, where she can go ahead and fuck all of New York for all I care, just as long as she wasn’t anywhere near me or my boyfriend.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, FUCK!

I changed on a dime and politely said hello, “Hi, Liv.”

I’m pretty sure that’s just her hooker name...

“Dude, you guys no each other?” Natalie asked.

“Um, yeah. Yeah we do.” I hated to admit.

“Wow, I had no idea you lived here. Well, this is a happy coincidence,” Olivia started, her words scratching a giant chalkboard in my head, “I wanted to talk to you. You and everyone sort of disappeared after that one night.”

Ever think they’re might be a reason?

“Oh, we were around. We just got really busy.” I responded.

“Well, I wanted to tell you...”

That you’re a smelly pirate hooker?

“...that I heard about...”

Oh, Jesus, please don’t say anything about me and Frank...

“... you thinking I was hanging around Gerard a lot....”

Um, BINGO.

“... But, I really didn’t mean anything by it. He was just so funny and I wanted to hang out with you, so I thought if I stayed around him, you’d come back, ya know?”

The whore was making a little sense.

But, I still didn’t trust her as far as I could throw her.

“Oh, my God!” Natalie bursted out, “You know those Starbuck’s guys, from a couple weeks ago? Well one’s her brother,” She motioned to Olivia, “And we kind of started dating, and his band’s playing at Maxwell’s tomorrow. You HAVE to come! Everyone really wants to see you.”

“I might be going anyway. Jack called us and asked us to play. I guess someone dropped out at the last second. I’m sure the guys are up to it, but I’ll come either way.”

“Sweet!” She exclaimed, almost jumping in the air.

“So how did you guys meet?” I wondered.

“I came with Brian two days ago to see my brother and she was over.”

“And she’s been with me ever since!”

“Uh-oh, two blondes let loose in Trenton. Everybody lock your children up!” I warned, perturbed at how the local grocer suddenly became a hometown Hell.

They laughed in their cute, ditzy, very blonde way.

“Well, I better go pay for these.” I excused myself and pushed the cart past the two girls.

“Good. Pay and drop them at home so we can hang out.” Natalie suggested.

I shut my eyes and sighed before I turned my head to face them again, “Um... I don’t think so. I’m super tired and I think I’m just gonna go home and collapse... Right next to Gerard... On our bed... Where I belong.” I said slowly, hoping Olivia would hear the warning in my voice.

I left the store and that was just what I did. When I crawled under the covers, I took a deep breath and enjoyed the smell of my home. Gerard startled me when he wrapped his arms around my waist in his sleep and nuzzled into my side.

This is where I belong, and this is our home.

And I will not let anyone take all this away from me without a fight.

The phone woke us up the next day sometime in the afternoon.

“Hello?” I dazedly answered, fingering through my disheveled hair.

“Hey, it’s me, Jack.”

“Oh, wow. How’s it going?”

“Pretty good. I’m sorry, did I wake you?”

“Yeah, but we’ve been asleep for...” I looked at a clock and did the math, which made my head hurt, “Thirteen hours, so it’s okay that we’re out of hibernation.”

“Haha, okay. Cool. How was the tour?”

“Amazing.”

“Yeah, that’s what Frank said. Speaking of Frank, I was talking to him and he wants to do the show. You know, the one tonight?”

“Right, right. I haven’t talked to Gerard yet, but I’m sure he’d be down to do it. That’s all he ever thinks about. Playing. Well, let me wake him up right now. Hold on.”

“No, you don’t have to-” He started but I had thrown the phone down on the bed.

“Hey, darlin’?” I brushed the hair out of his face.

“Mmmhmm?” He slurred into the pillow.

“Good morning.” I kissed the back of his neck, “ Jack called and he wants to know if My Chem’ll play tonight.”

He groaned.

“But, it’s at Maxwell’s. You know, where Bruce Springsteen shot his video for ‘Glory Days’? It’ll be cool.”

He didn’t move.

“Groan once for yes, twice for no.”

He groaned once and I picked up the phone again.

“He’ll do it. What time again?”

“Nine. Hey, you wanna get together for some dinner before? So we can catch up.”

“Sounds good. Just meet at the bar?”

“Yeah.”

We got off the phone and I wrenched Gerard out of bed.

“C’mon, lazy bones. We’re gonna go meet Jack for some dinner. You can get a steak, and we’ll drink margaritas, and talk about all of your first shows that he got you.”

“Uuuhhh, okaaa-a-ay. But only if you give me a kiss.”

“Okay, but only if you brush your teeth.”

“Fine.”

He got up and just rinsed with some Listerine. I went and laid on the couch. He joined me, and we lazed for a lingering amount of time on the couch, kissing leisurely (alliteration, much?).

“Okay, it’s five, we have to get dressed.”

“Actually, I think you have to get undressed” He giggled into my neck.

“No, silly. C’mon, I want to go put on my new shirt.”

“At least let me help you.” He said creeping his fingers up my torso and helping my shirt off.

“You’re such a helpful, handsome fuck.”

We fooled around some more until I finally got away and ran into the shower. I had started to wash my hair, when I had a visitor.

“Gerard? Get out of here.”

“What?” He said, sliding back the glass door, “I’m just saving water...”

He pulled me close to him and kissed me.

“Oooh, ow. Soap! Soap in my eye!” I yelped pushing away from him and back into the stream of water.

“Haha. Here, let me help you.” He assisted me and smoothed my hair and gently wiped the suds from my eyes.

After almost an hour of drenching the bathroom and only getting dirtier, we got out of the shower and I, in vain, attempted to get dressed.

“Okay, Gerard, if you don’t leave me alone, I’m gonna scream.”

“You’re just so soft, ya know?”

“I know, baby. But I want to go see our friends, and I’m hungry.”

“Okay, so what am I wearing tonight?” He asked while looking around the room, “Ha! Maybe I should wear these.” He held up my ‘fuck me’ boots that I hadn’t properly put away before I left.

“No! I was gonna wear those!” I commented, slipping into my black stirrup pants.

“Oh, then I’ll let you wear them.”

I yanked them over my pants and zipped them up to just over my knee. Then I put on a large white vintage Bruce Springsteen concert tee. It was the tour where Gerard had seen Bruce and the Band. Over that I pulled on a tight dark purple cardigan.

“Shit, I love the shirt! I’m fucking borrowing it tomorrow.” Gerard told me.

He was wearing his latest show uniform, black tuxedo pants, a white dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up, and a black and white striped tie.

“Every girl’s crazy ‘bout a sharp dressed man.” I sang and pulled him to me by his tie.

“Hey, I think you’re missing something...” He decided.

He looked around our room, “Ah-ha! Here.” He placed a pink tiara in my hair, “All done, let’s go.”

“Duh! You’re my personal stylist. I knew I kept you around for something.” I laughed.

We slathered on some smoky makeup, he grabbed his leather jacket, and we rushed out the door. At Maxwell’s we met Jack, Laryssa; Jack’s girlfriend, Frankie, Jamia, and, Alex Saavedra; who worked at Eyeball with me.

“Hey, guys!” I said, “God, Jack! It’s been way too long!” I grabbed him and gave him a big hug.

“It has, huh?”

“We’ve all missed the two of you troublemakers around the label. So, how was the tour?” Alex asked.

“Perfect. Incredible.” He stated.

“Marvelous. Triumphant.” I reinforced.

“Oh, yeah, that’s what I called it.” Gerard remembered, “All those things.”

“Terrifying. Hard. Tiring.” Frank said, pretending to take a nap on Jamia’s shoulder.

“Oh, Frankie, you loved it, don’t lie.” Jamia said.

“Hey! You found my tiara!” Frank claimed.

“What? Fuck you, I’m the pretty princess.”

“Nuh-uh! It’s me!” He yelled then stood up and reached over the table, grabbing at my head.

“No! Frankiee-e-e!” I whined and retracted towards Gerard, but he snatched it off my head.

“Finally, the rightful queen is crowned!” Frank boasted.

We caught up and exchanged crazy stories that occurred in the others’ absence. We had ordered dessert by the time Ray showed up, and not too long after, Natalie, her new boyfriend; Chris, Brian, and Olivia.

Oh, joy.

Just try and make the best of this, Kat.

Everyone jammed into one booth and the room suddenly became very loud. The whole table was laughing and smiling and Olivia was even winning me back over with her stories of being on the road, and the bands she worked with. I knew the type well. Five guys who think they’re hot shit, but their live show blows, and they come crying to anyone who’ll listen, usually the closest female. Key and point; me.

Well, I guess if Natalie likes her, she can’t be so bad...

Time went quickly and the boys were about to perform. Jamia, Sid, and I sat at the bar, while everyone else stood in the crowd.

Gerard grabbed the mic, “Guess what! Tonight we have a guest. That’s right, tonight a royal on guitar will grace us with his, er, her presence. C’mere, you pink, royal, bitch!”

Frankie ran onstage, fists in the air and then grabbed Gerard’s mic and put it to his mouth, “Um, Gerard?! It’s fuckin’ Queen Pink-Royal-Bitch to you!”

The crowd went wild. A lot of the faces were familiar from either the skatefest or just the basements they play around here.

I started dancing a bit in my chair as they began with ‘Our Lady of Sorrows.’

“I wanna see you FUCKING JUMPING out there!” Gerard screamed.

This show was one of the most hilarious, actually. It seems like one tour turned them into seasoned professional. The three of us were laughing the entire time. As if Frankie with a hot pink tiara in his hair wasn’t funny enough, he began yelling at the crowd to honor him.

“What?! Do you think I found this in the trash can?! BOW DOWN TO ME!!”

A few kids actually did along with me and Jamia. He saw us and smiled and pointed back to us in acknowledgment.

Then, Gerard stage dived, “Woo-o-aa-ah, there!” He exclaimed as he jumped back onstage, “Did someone just grab my package?... Cuz, I think I kind of liked it!” He squealed and went back into ‘Headfirst for Halos.’

I spit out part of my drink when he said that, and we howled in laughter. Frankie got really tired towards the end of the set and fell down to his knees. Ray walked over to him and petted his head, but then stole his tiara and stuck it into his fro. Frank got mad and tried to take it back, but Gerard stopped him by putting his hand on his chest, then shaking his finger. Frank just smacked his hand away and went back to shredding through the chords of ‘Skylines.’ Mikey was just sort of chillin’ in the back near the drums, but Frank, apparently, didn’t want that to continue any longer so, he started to pull him by his bass strap. When Mikey resisted, Gerard joined in. They got him to the front of the stage and pushed him off to crowd surf.

“Everybody catch my baby brother, okay?! He’s only like twelve pounds, so don’t let him fall!” Gerard directed the kids below.

The crowd screamed and caught a freaked out Mikey.

“Aaahh! Help! I’m dying!” He started to scream, but couldn’t help but laugh.

The crowd carried him to the back of the bar and dropped him on a pool table.

“Hey! Don’t wreck the felt!” Maxwell’s manager yelled at Mikey.

He waved a quick ‘sorry,’ to the guy and ran back to the front stage, to finish the last song.

“This show is the funnest thing I’ve done all year!” Sid yelled over the noise.

“Tell me about it. This is, for sure, their best show!”

They both nodded like crazy, smiling like wild women.

Upon hearing the last chords of ‘Demolition Lovers,’ the crowd began to disperse, I saw two blonde heads making their way to the bar where I sat.

“Holy shit, dude,” Natalie began quietly, “How fucking amazing was that?!”

“It really was. Brian is, like, fucking beside himself. And he really wants to talk to the band about working with them.”

“Is that right?” I asked cautiously.

“Haha. Dude! It was Olivia who fucking groped Gerard! You’re so fucked up, man.” Natalie suddenly revealed.

“Is that right?” I repeated myself, stunned.

“I really didn’t mean to,” She giggled out, “And then he fucking called me out on it and I was so fuckin’ embarrassed.”

“Grabbin’ balls... just another day in the life of Olivia...” I quietly said to Jamia.

“KATMANDU! Get the fuck over here!” Jack summoned me over to where he stood with some old friends of ours, from way back in the day.

“Holy shit,” I hadn’t seen these people in ages, “I’ll be back...”

I left and joined in a bear hug as the band reappeared.

GERARD’s POV

“Hey, guys. Where’s Kat?” I asked the girls at the bar.

“She’s over there, Gerard.” Jamia directed.

I looked over my shoulder to Kat surrounded by a half dozen people that I’d never seen before.

“I think they’re from high school,” Jamia started, “Eww, Frank, you’re fucking soaked in sweat-”

She started to complain as he taunted her and grabbed her with his damp arms. I looked back at Kat who looked really happy, I almost didn’t want to go say hi.

“Hey, Gerard! Want a drink?” Someone asked me from my left.

I turned to see Olivia. She sure seemed to like me, and it was really weird because no one ever liked me.

“What do you want to drink?” She asked again.

“Um, whatever...” I answered and wandered over to her.

Kat was preoccupied and I figured I’d just talk to her in a minute.

“Gerard, this is Brian, ya know from the fest?” Liv introduced.

“Right... How’s it goin’ man?” I greeted him

“Good, bro. You’ve got a killer show. I work around here and I would love to manage you guys. Can I give you my number?”

“Um, sure. I’m gonna have to talk to the rest of the guys, but, yeah. Good to meet you.” I said, meekly.

We shared a drink and spoke briefly. I was wasted almost completely out of my mind, but I strung along, catching every other word.

They were talking about high school, the thing I hate talking about the most, and I began to zone out. This Olivia girl was lookin’ good, she kind of looks like Kat, but blonde. She’d look over and chuckle and look me in the eyes. I must be really drunk, and she must not be hot, because hot girls never look at me the way she’s looking at me.

Except for Kat, that is. Where is Kat?

MY POV

The friends I was with were excitedly twittering at random stories from high school, and I was twitching around, looking over my shoulder to try and spot Gerard. He was over at the bar sharing a drink with Olivia and Brian. Why hadn’t he said hello to me? I looked over and she put his hand on his shoulder and smiled. And it wasn’t a friend smile, it was a Flirty-Frankie smile.



“Guys? I’ll be right back okay?” I excused myself and headed in Gerard’s direction.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Jamia and Frankie bickering. Uh-oh... I’ll deal with that later.

I made it over to Gerard and tapped him on the shoulder, “Hey, babe.”

He slowly turned to face me, “Hey, Kat. You come for a drink?”

“No, no. Actually, I’m really tired and I wanted to get out of here.”

“Oh, okay. I guess I’ll just get a ride from Ray.”

“You’re not gonna come with me?”

“Nah, I’m gonna stay for a bit longer. But you go ahead and go home. I’ll see you later.”

“See you later...” I parroted back in disbelief.

I started to walk away, but stopped and turned around.

“No, c’mon, Gerard. You’re coming with me.”

“What?” He asked, harshly.

“You’re coming home with me. Now.” I wasn’t going to leave anything to chance.

“I said I wanted to stay and talk to my friends.”

“You can talk to them later.” I assured.

“No. Just go home.” He waved me away, and looked over to Olivia and smiled, as if apologizing for my behavior.

“Gerard!” I pleaded, he turned to look at me again, “Please?”

“I don’t need a fucking babysitter, okay?! Now go home and get your beauty sleep, or whatever.” He spat out at me and stormed off.

I was speechless, and seeing Olivia staring at the floor, trying to hold in her laughter, didn’t help. It just made me want to throw a drink at her, and hope the alcohol burned her eyes. But all I could do was turn on my heel and high tail it out of there.

When I got to my car, Frankie was leaning against it. I couldn’t look at him so I just got in to the driver’s seat and put the car in reverse.

“Woah, woah, woah, what happened?” Frank asked coming to my window.

I couldn’t speak, so I silently turned to back out.

“Wait! No! Let me in!” Frankie called, running around to the passenger’s seat.

I locked the door and sped away with Frankie scratching the back of his head in my rear view mirror.



FRANK’s POV

“What the hell just happened?” I asked Ray, who ran out the door a second after Kat zoomed away.

“Gerard, just.. he just. I don’t even know...” He rambled.

“What did he do?!” I asked, worried.

“He, like, yelled at her about something. I didn’t really hear the whole thing, but something about, ‘I don’t need a babysitter...’.” He told his part of the story.

“What the fuck?” I wondered aloud.

I walked back inside, Ray close behind, and scanned the room for Gerard. I spotted him pacing a bit, when Liv came up, looking like she was trying to calm him down. She put her hand on his shoulder and said something and Gerard looked up sharply. Then he grabbed her and pulled her into a kiss and backed her against a wall.

“I am gonna break his fucking neck...” I promised myself, under my breath and clenching my fists.