I'm the Kind of Human Wreckage That You Love.

“What? What about Frankie?”

“We’ll be right back.”

“Okay.”

He grabbed my hand and pulled me back to the table.

“Hey. Um, we’ll be right back.” Gerard announced to everybody sitting at the table.

Before I could get a word out Gerard jerked me by the hand out of the restaurant. I didn’t feel bad because Frankie looked like he was talking enough for everybody.

“So where are we going? Oh, and how are we getting there?” I asked as they questions popped into my head.

“Who cares?” He laughed

“So I take it you do this alot?”

“Sometimes, yeah.”

We hopped into my car but had to park far away from anything, because there wasn’t going to be a space anywhere. We were walking so fast, I think the adrenaline went to my head or something along those lines. That’s my excuse for what happened next.

“I think I like you.”



“What?”

“I said, ‘I think I like you.’ ” I said much quieter now, but he seemed to hear me clearer than ever.

“Really? Well I know I like you.” He quipped back eagerly.

“Really?” I looked up from the ground to meet his very green eyes and cheesy, yet somehow sincere smile.

“Yeah.”

By this time we had stopped walking and were facing each other. His nose was cute and pink and I poked it to break the tension with some humor.

“Beep.”

I laughed.

“Sorry, it does that sometimes,” he said.

I poked his nose again.

“Beep! See I told you, it’s really uncontrollable.”

I poked him one more time.

“Beep! Ok, that’s enough.” He bent over and grabbed me at the waist to throw me over his shoulder.

“No! You’re gonna drop me on my head again and really kill me this time.”

“I haven’t killed anyone to date, so I don’t think I’ll start now. Plus I think I’d come up with a much more creative way to do it.” He said it between my light punches and kicks. “Cut it out or I will throw you into the street,” he ordered.

I gave up for the time being, figuring he would eventually put me down.

A minute past.

“So.... how, uh, old are you?” What else was there to ask him?

“Twenty-five. You?’

“Twenty-three in... Oh, man, three days. I always forget.”

“No way!” He put me down to face him. “Well, now we have a real reason to celebrate!”

A bar I knew wasn’t far now and we talked about past birthdays until we got there.

“Here we are. E’s.” I announced.

“Cool. But, I’ve changed my mind. I’d rather do this.”

“Wha-”

I was cut off by his hands grabbing my waist and his lips pressing against mine. We were there for about a minute when I pulled away because I had forgotten how to breathe. I gasped and then looked up at him.

“Happy birthday.”

I grabbed him and pushed him back around the side of the building against the wall. We were making out. I could barely believe it. We were making out. I never do things like this. I’ve only ever randomly messed around with Frankie when I was drunk, nothing like this. Frankie was gonna be so mad...

We never made it in to the bar. We made out in my car until we thought we were going to freeze together, it being early February. We climbed in to the front seats and I began to drive back to the diner. I couldn’t wipe the smile off my face. I wouldn’t dare look at Gerard either.

“Could we stop at my house real quick?” Gerard requested. I could tell he said it with a shy smile on his own face.

“Oh, for sure,” I responded, pretending to look in the rear view mirror.

I pulled up to his house, with his directions, and watched him run down some stairs and entered the side of the house. He was in and out quickly. When he ran back up the stairs I saw him finish swallowing something. He opened the car door and before I could ask him what it was, he gave me a very serious look. It surprised me, frighteningly so.
It must have scared me into the truth. I kept silent for the time being, but I began to think really hard. This man was different. I realized he was the most important man in my life at the moment. He came in to my life so suddenly, yet so powerfully.

“Are you okay?” I ask, not really expecting an answer.

He leaned over and tilted his head, as if to kiss me. But then leaned further forward to my left ear.

“I’m great,” he whispered, followed by a quick laugh.

For the next week Gerard and I hung out in his room everyday for hours. We didn’t really do anything but talk and eat. We could talk about anything, and we did. I spilled all my guts about my abusive ex-boyfriend and he admitted his recent bout with depression. When he spoke it was awkward, but well done. He thought clearly, but it seemed that he had never spoken for such long time before. He showed me his art, shared his ideas and goals, which strung almost years into the future, and told me some secrets. High school came up alot during our dialogues. As it turns out we had bipolarly different experiences during our four years. Mine were mudane, if not boring and useless, while his were full of unusual and creepy characters and plagued by crippling fear.

“It was weird, I guess I was weird, but every year when school was bout to get let out, I would get really freaked out.”

“Why?”

“I don’t really know. I think it was because I didn’t know what was going to happen to me because I didn’t have somewhere to go everyday. I...I...”

“You didn’t trust yourself?”

“Yeah, maybe...yeah. I didn't trust other people either. I've always kind of attracted the wrong kind of attention. 'Cuz I wear black or whatever. I think so. Huh, I've never thought of it that way."

"Bizarre."

"Thanks."

"Sorry."