I'm the Kind of Human Wreckage That You Love.

“Hey.” I called Gerard’s mom to tell her I spoke with Gerard but...

“Hello, sweetheart. Did you talk to Gerard?”

“Yeah, I did, but... I couldn’t... I couldn’t tell him. I promise you I will-”

“No, it’s okay, I’ll tell him. I’m sorry I asked you. I know it’s especially hard for you.”

“No, I’m really sorry. I know you don’t need any more on your plate and I’ll just call him tomorrow.”

“Where will they be tomorrow?”

“Spain.”

“Wow...” She sighed in pride, “Actually I think I’ll call him now.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

I gave her a number and went back to work.

‘Just another week...’ I reminded myself.

GERARD’s POV

“Jesus Christ, guys... Spain! Fucking Spain.” I declared, sitting next to Brian and Liv.

“This is too insane...” Frank trailed, slouched in an old chair with a beer in his hand.

“It’s not too insane... just insane enough!” Liv decided loudly, over the commotion of other bands and crew in the lounge area below the stage.

I looked over to her, the room was spinning, but she still looked damned good, “I’d fucking say,” I agreed, clinking my bottle with hers.

“It’s too hot in here! I need to find some air!” Frank suddenly announced.

He, Ray, and Mikey stood up and left out the back exit. Otter struggled to get up off the floor to join them. As he did, he tried to balance himself with the wall.

“Umm.. Brian? I don’t feel so good...” Otter expressed.

“What’s up?” Brian asked, standing up.

“I need the pot.”

“Ah, shit, c’mon. Hurry!” Brian rushed over to Otter, trying to avoid cleaning more spew from Otter.

Those two sped out, leaving me and Liv on the couch.

“Well, our livers are NOT going to be very happy with us after this trip.” I commented.

“Yeah, I was thinking about getting a transplant when we get back.” She returned with a serious look on her face.

I looked over to her with my face twisted in confusion, “Can you just do that? Go get a transplant? I thought you needed like an actual problem-”

She put her hand to my mouth, “Shut up! I was only joking, okay?”

“Oh, okay...” ‘I’m so retarded...’ I thought as I looked down to the floor.

She looked around and then we heard Otter spilling his guts, literally. We both grimaced in disgust.

“So... How’s the girlfriend?” She asked after a moment.

“Um...” I thought for a second, “Ha! You wanna know something funny?” I smiled as I looked sideways over at her.

She nodded.

“I fucking proposed to her last night.” I said.

She hiccuped a quick laugh.

“Yep. How stupid was that? I’m in fucking Germany! And she’s in Dirty Jersey. How fucking backwards am I?”

“It wasn’t stupid, it was sweet. You’re sweet. What she say?”

“She talked me out of it, thank God.”

“Why 'thank God'? You must’ve wanted to.”

“Yeah, I guess.”

“Well, don’t guess. What did you want?”

“I wanted to surprise her, or something. It was probably just-”

“You wanted her to say yes.”

“Yeah...”

“I can’t believe she said no,” She giggled putting her hand on her forehead, “Some guy goes to all the trouble, and she says ‘No’? I would never say no.”

I wrinkled my brow in thought, ‘Maybe Liv was right. Doesn’t she love me? Why’d she say no?’

“You’re such a great catch. And she has no idea what’s going on out here with you. It took some fucking balls for you to ask a question like that. And she said ‘No’. That’s messed.”

As she spoke, the gears in my mind were turning, and spinning, and breaking, and cracking, and sqeaking. Wouldn’t the girl who really loved me want to marry me?

“Hey, G! It’s your mom on the phone!” I heard Brian shout to me from the bathroom.

I walked over and took the phone, “Hey, Mom.”

“Sweetheart?" She asked, "I have to tell you something.”

“What is it?”
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‘This can’t be happening... This can’t be FUCKING happening,’ My mind was really racing now. I paced back and forth in the hall to the bathroom, freaking out. ‘No, no, no, no, NO! Fuck!’ I felt my face get red and there was pressure behind my eyes.

“Gerard?” Liv’s small voice came from the end of the hall.

I looked up at her with tears in my eyes and started off. I had to get away. I pushed through people until I found the front entrance. I shoved the door open and sped down the block.

“Gerard! Wait! Stop!” Liv was running behind me.

I slowed down and she caught up with me. I was facing a building with my hands covering my face.

“Gerard, c’mere,” Liv rubbed my back, “C’mere hon.” She asked pulling me around to face her.

She removed my hands from my face and I looked up to the sky.

“Fuck! Why fucking now?! Goddamit.” I cried, pissed.

“Ssshhh, c’mere, Gerard,” Liv hugged me around the neck and smoothed my hair, “What happened?”

My arms were limp at her sides, “It’s my grandma... She’s in the hospital,” My eyes held tears when I tightly wrapped my arms around her, “And it’s not good.”

“Okay, okay, it’s gonna be alright.”

I held her for a long moment in the street, calming down.

She moved her head back and looked at me, “Better?”

I looked away and nodded.

“Gerard?” She asked.

I looked over to her and when our eyes met, I think my heart stopped. My sight was blurry as I leaned towards her. She leaned in, too. I stuck my head out quickly until our lips met. We kissed for a while, a sweet, slow kiss. As I moved my hand to the side of her face, a car honked and we split apart. We both looked at the street, then to each other. I slowly started walking backwards away from her, she stayed where she was. After a few steps I turned around.

I was nearly running as I left her on the street corner.

When I entered the venue, the other guys were back in the lounge area.

“Hey, where’ve you been?” Frank greeted me, but then his face dropped, “What happened?”

“I need to talk to you, Mikey.” I quietly requested.

Mikey stood up and walked over to me, “What’s wrong?”

I didn’t answer, I just led him outside.

“Mikey, it’s Grandma. It’s bad.”

“Bad?”

“Really bad.”

“Really bad?”

“Yes, Mikey! Really fucking bad?! What the fuck aren’t you getting?”

“Fuck you, Gerard. She’s my fucking Grandma, too!”

“I know...” I admitted and was quiet for a minute, “I can’t believe you just used ‘fuck’and ‘Grandma’ in the same sentence.”

Mikey gave me a weak smile and we talked for a little while longer. I told him everything Mom had said. He was silent for most of it, trying to comprehend it all. Frankie knocked on the door and came out a while after that and we filled him and everybody in.

It hit everyone hard because my grandma had been involved with and supported this band so much. She bought our van, she brought us dinner when we were rehearsing, she even bought us makeup and clothes.

Packing up that night, we were all mostly quiet. I exchanged awkward glances with Liv, but she seemed unaffected. I was last to get into the van and Liv called my name before I entered.

“Hey. Listen, if you need anything, I’m here for you, okay?” She said, then gave me a big hug around the neck.

“Okay.” I answered and loosely put my hands around her waist.

I think all the other guys were pretending that didn't just happen, but Frank gave me the dirtiest look when I got in the van.

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**Hey, guys. Hate to say it, but this story's going to come to and end soon. Not now, but soon. I do have a sequel waiting though, so don't get mad and stop reading now, it'll get REALLY good REALLY soon. I have finals next week and I get out of school early, so I hope to write a lot then. I'm in madly committed love with all of you for the comments. Feel free to drop any suggestions, too.

Lots of LOVE

-- Your Devoted Writer**