I'm the Kind of Human Wreckage That You Love.

Later that week I got a call from Michael, my boss. He told me to stop in for a quick favor.

“Heeey, there!” Michael said, unusually happy.

“Hey, boss. What’s up?” I say, shakily.

“I need you to put up some flyers around the Lower East Side.”
“What? Why?” I thought I had been promoted past intern work.

“Well, Pencey Prep is going to be performing at CBGB’s next Friday night.”

I gasp, “No shit Mike? Wow, the guys are gonna be so excited! I can’t wait to call them. Ah, shit I have to write this down-, wait...do I really have to post flyers?”

“Yes! Here, now get out of here, you have work to do. Grab some friends, you’ll need ‘em.” He quickly spits out while pushing me out of his office and handing me about two thousand flourescent pink flyers.

“That’s why you were acting so happy!” I echo after he shut the door.

I step out of the office and run to my car. I whip out my cell and punch in Frankie’s number.

“Oh, MY GOD FRANKIE! Get out of bed and shake off that hangover, kid, because, boy do I have news for you!”

“Well, that was quite an intro, what could possibly top that?”

“Oh, I don’t know maybe playing CBGB’s next Friday, but that’s just my opinion.”

“Wait, what? You better not of just said what I thought you said. Did I hear four little letters that I’ve been dreaming about for ...ALL MY LIFE!?”

“You did indeed, baby. Congradulations, kid, how does it feel to hit the big time?!”

“Are you kidding? I’m practically hard right now!”

“Ok, wow, TMI, maybe I shouldn’t come over.”

“You have to come over, we’ll share a celebretory drink.”

“At... ten thirty in the morning? Alright! I knew I loved you Frankie.”

I pulled up to Frankie’s house and knocked on the door. He opened the door and stood there beaming. I smile and after a second he pulls me in to a big kiss, his arms around my neck and everything.

“That better be out of excitement, buddy.” I say in good humor.

He pulled me into his house by the lapels of my jacket with a smirk.
“Just get in here.” He put his arm around my waist, kissed me on the head, and walked me into his kitchen.

The rest of the band hand come over and were sharing a pot of coffee and a joint.

“I thought I hold a cooking-making-congradulations lunch.” Frankie exclaims.

“Hooray!” I remarked happily while sitting down and grabbed the joint out of Shaun’s hand. Standing up I take a long drag. I pull out a big bowl then go to the refridgerator. We made chocolate chip and oatmeal cookies.



About four hours, and six joints later, we headed out to catch a ferry. The six of us split up to cover more ground and after me and Frank posted about eighty percent of our pile we got tired and stopped in a bar.

“I think Gerard used to go to college around here somewhere.”

“Did he go to an art college? ’Cuz, there’s one a few blocks North.”

“Yep, his an artsy little guy.” Frank said proving he was tipsy.

“We should check it out.” I said giggling.

We finished our drinks and headed out. I started to dial Tim’s cell number, but realized I had forgotten it, maybe I should quit...nah.
Frank grabbed my hand as we strutted down a few blocks to a grassy quad encircling a dirty fountain. We sat on the edge of the cracked fountain wall and began to people watch.

“I never could see you as a college man.”

“What do you mean, isn’t college just a place to find people to be in bands with? I would totally fit in here.”

I laugh at the truth in his statement but somehthing stopped me dead. Now it’s about 7 pm in mid winter, so it’s basically black outside and I didn’t really believe it at first. I think I see Gerard and a girl holding hands, but not like how me and Frankie hold hands, like how Mikey and Sid hold hands, like how boyfriends and girlfriends hold hands, like how people I didn’t think exisisted in his life hold hands. I choke on spit because I forgot how to swallow. As I cough, I turn to leave, run as far away as I can. My pace is quick but then I stop, was it really him? I turn to face Frankie, who was looking very confused. I walk up to a tree, as to not be seen and wait until the couple go under a streetlight. And to my extreme dissapointment, it’s him, my soul mate, strolling hand in fucking hand with some other chick. I feel incapacitated, I fold over in nausea and lean against the tree.

“What’s wrong, babe?” Frankie runs over and blurts out, concerned.

“Um, um...,” I’m exasperated and can’t catch my breath. “ I don’t ...know.”



“God, let’s just get you home okay? We’ll have some cookies and you’ll spend the night.” He said it so reassuringly, it made me feel lucky to know him.

He helped me up and let me take some deep breaths before we began to walk back to the ferry. My head was spinning so fast, I thought I was gonna throw up. It felt like days before we got to Frank’s mom’s house. I changed into some of his sweats and just passed out on his bed. He layed down next to me and I hugged his middle for comfort. I woke up to Frankie eating cookies with coffee and watching tv at the end of the bed. I came up behind him and hugged his waist again.

“You smell like chocolate chips.” I croak, my voice hoarse from sleep.

“Yours is over there.” He pointed toward his desk.

I reached over to grab my mug and sat next to Frank on the edge of the bed.

“What’s really wrong, sweetheart?” Frankie begged.

I took a long deep breath and sipped my coffee, “Nothing, don’t worry.” I whisper hoping he won’t hear me, it never works.

“You think I didn’t see Gerard last night?”

“I don’t know what it is about him, Frankie. I’ve never been so...out of control of what’s happening to me. I can’t explain it, and it scares me.”

“I’ll call Mikey and find out what’s up with that girl, alright?”

I didn’t respond. He just put his arm around me and we both finished our coffee watching cartoons.

“I think I should go home.” I offered a few hours later.

“No.” Frankie insisted getting ready to go out, “Stay here and I’ll be back really soon.” Before he left he kissed me, very close to my lips, and looked me square in the eyes. My hero, defender of all who tried to harm me.