Pour Accabler

The pounding of Anouks heart in her ears was almost as overwhelming as that of Joshs as she rested her head on his chest and it forced hands to grab at any skin close, despite the half dozen people gathered around them. ‘Not just another goodbye’ the pair thought as the call for flight TN457 echoed throughout the lounge. ‘the goodbye’

“I don’t want to leave” Anouk mumbled, her words getting lost in his flannel shirt as his arms tightened around her waist.

Josh remained silent, instead placing a soft kiss atop her head. The taste of her coconut shampoo lingered on his lips and he took the opportunity to savour such a taste. He knew just one person whose scent was one part coconut and one part tobacco and soon there would be thousands of miles between him and that person, between him and that smell.

“You’re the best person I’ve met this summer”

A broad smile spread across two pairs of lips and he felt her body relax ever so slightly against his own. It had been their running joke since that first day and it was now the only way in which either of them wished to wake up in the morning. The previous day Anouk had woken Josh with a whisper of it in his ear, that morning Josh had repaid the favour with the words scrawled across her mirror in her lipstick before he’d gone to fetch breakfast. How either of them would wake up the next day was a thought neither wished to indulge in.

“You’re the best person I’ve met this summer” Josh smiled, placing his hand beneath her chin and angling her face upward as to meet her eyes with his. “and I’m hoping you’ll be the best person I meet in Autumn, and Winter, and Spring and maybe even Summer...again”

He noted Anouks wince but said nothing. It wasn’t worth mentioning again, Goodbyes weren’t a place for arguments. “We’ll be touring Canada soon” He added hopefully.

“And I’ll be in Europe before you have a chance to miss me” Anouk smirked, pulling her body from Joshs and fixing the straps of her backpack which had slipped from her shoulders. Josh expected her to fall seamlessly back into his arms, but she didn’t. Instead she folded her arms across her chest and began tracing a figure eight with her right chuck taylor.

“What are you...”

“I’ll never leave if I stay there” She mumbled, throwing a cautious glance at his outstretched arms. “Please”

Anouk knew herself too well and had an enviable amount of restraint. Josh knew Anouk more than she gave him credit for and resented her restraint more than he envied it. It seemed that whilst Anouk was recovering, Josh was a step from relapse and whilst Anouk seemed to be letting go, Josh was holding on desperately with both hands.

Josh swallowed the lump rising rapidly in his throat with a loud gulp and took a step toward her, letting his hands gently skim each shoulder before coming to rest on either hip.

“If we don’t do this one more time, I’ll never let you leave”

Anouks soft protest disappeared against Joshs lips as he pressed them lightly to hers. Every time they kissed, a time line of such things flashed like a flick book in his head. A kiss that made his knees quiver and his heart pound as he’d stumbled from the stage, the first one they’d shared. The hundreds of secret kisses they stole beneath the tables and between the plastic sheeting of the booth, when they were still trying to keep everything schtum and that one, soft kiss that had confirmed that everything was okay between the two of them, after their argument concerning some girls allegations of ‘wild bus sex’.

Josh remembered; and would reminisce, every instance that their lips had met. Anouk knew she shouldn’t do the same.
“This is a call for flight TN457 to Toronto, would all passengers please make their way to gate thirteen as we are about to begin boarding. That’s all passengers of flight TN457 to Toronto to gate thirteen. Thank You”

In the moments that the womans shrill voice had echoed throughout the huge lounge, Anouk had thrown caution to the wind entirely. Josh grinned as she climbed up into his arms. Crawling carefully up his body to wrap her legs around his waist and loop her arms around his neck. He opened his mouth to express his surprise but her mouth was clamped to his before a single word could leave the tip of his tongue. Her hands delved deep into the hood he was wearing and tangled instantly in the hair at the nape of his neck, whilst her body pressed closer still to his.

“Annie, we’ve got to...”

She pulled herself away for a second and threw a scathing look at her brother. “In a minute” She mumbled, resting her head in the crook of Joshs neck. “You can give me one minute”

Sid shrugged and returned to tapping his foot impatiently, whilst his sister returned her attention to the boy whose arms she was clutched in. “You’re the best person I’ve met. Period”

Josh smiled small and tightened his arms around her waist. Actions always spoke louder than words, and if he was being honest, there were no words he could think to say at that precise moment.

“I’ll miss you Josh”

Her sentence had barely reached my ears before a small, choked sob escaped her lips and she slid awkwardly from his arms. Landing clumsily back on the floor with a wince as her feet hit the floor with unexpected force.
Josh caught her in his arms as she took a stumble sideways, and pulled her back into his chest. A hand planted soothingly atop her head, whilst the other stroked the small of her back.

“I’ll miss you too” Josh mumbled into her hair, “I love...”

“It’s been a minute” Sidney exclaimed, throwing his arms up in the air in exasperation. “Well two and a half, I was being kind”

He ignored the mutters of ‘prick’ from beneath two breaths and planted his hands firmly on his hips. “Whatever happens on Warped Tour, stays on Warped Tour”

“This isn’t the fucking OC Sid”

“It isn’t a fairytale either baby sister”

&&

The words that had slipped so easily between Sids lips were almost as overwhelming as those that had almost passed his own and it forced Josh to struggle for breath, despite knowing exactly how to breathe and having practiced doing so for nineteen years. ‘Not just another word’ He’d thought as he’d made his way toward the departure gate ‘It was the L word’.

‘Love’ was not a word Josh Franceschi used often and the idea of Love, itself, was completely incomprehensible. He felt more than a little uncomfortable even using it to describe his favorite meal, his favorite city, his favorite band, let alone his feelings towards another person. It was not a word he threw around with the reckless abandon of other people his age, and it was a notion, that for him held more weight than any other. It was a slip of the tongue, and one which had sent his head in a spin. Josh was unsure whether it had been a good thing, or not.

“It was in my hand” Josh grumbled, riffling through his bag. He was knelt a foot or so from the desk, elbow deep in the clothes he couldn’t fit in his suitcase, desperately trying to find his boarding pass.

“Sir, if you could just move to the side. I have to let these people board the plane”

Josh nodded in understanding and shuffled, on his knees to one side. He was panicking before they’d even reached the gate, when he had realised his boarding pass was no longer in his hand, jacket pocket or back pocket of his jeans, it had increased tenfold. His brow was now furrowed and sweating, his hands were frantic and shaking.

“Where did you have it last?” Dan asked, crouching at his friends side.

“If I knew that do you think we’d be in this fucking situation?”

He’d not meant to snap and he was disappointed in himself for doing so. A bad temper was not a notable trait of Josh Franceschi, and he was proud of such a fact. “Dude. I didn’t mean to...”

“Maybe you dropped it when you were with Anouk” Mat suggested, “I mean, you wouldn’t have realised, you were too busy telling her that you loved her”

Josh groaned loudly and glared up at him. A little part of him had hoped none of them had heard, but a larger part knew that they had.

“There’s no need to look like that, we all knew it was coming”

Thinking of the events of a few minutes before filled Josh with a welcome warmth, but also sent an unwelcome shudder the length of his spine, he would miss Anouk more than he was prepared to disclose.

They had spent near enough every day together for the past two months, they’d grown closer than either had ever thought possible and the thought of not seeing her for at least a month, of not kissing or holding her as soon as he woke up and the fact that she was going to be thousands of miles, instead of a few buses away, turned Joshs stomach and threatened to incapacitate him completely. If he took the time to really think about everything and let his mind wander into territory he knew to be dangerous, he was afraid he would never leave.

“Keep an eye on my bag, I’ll go and...”

“Hurry. You should definitely run” Mat smirked, nodding to the neon numbers of the clock above. “Sprint, even”

&&

The words that had slipped so easily between Sid lips were almost as overwhelming as those that had almost passed Joshs and it forced Anouk to struggle for breath, despite knowing exactly how to breathe and having practiced doing so for eighteen years. ‘Not just another word’ She thought as she’d waited patiently. ‘It was the L word’.

At eighteen years old Anouk was yet to use the word ‘Love’ sincerely, or with an ounce of conviction. She loved mac ‘n’cheese, she loved Seattle and she loved Glassjaw, but she was yet to proclaim that she loved anyone; well anyone bar her family and her oldest, closest friends. ‘Love’ wasn’t a word Anouk threw around with the reckless abandon of other girls her age as for her, it was a notion that held more weight than any other. Joshs tongue had slipped, and her head had been sent in a spin. Anouk had never before been surer of an impulsive action being good.

She looked one last time at the boarding pass in her hand and gave herself a reassuring nod. Maybe there was one she could be surer of.

“I thought your flight left already” His voice made her jump from her skin. She’d not expected him to come at her from behind, her eyes had been trained on the automatic doors ahead for the last ten minutes.

Her legs felt ready to give way at any moment, as she stumbled clumsily to her feet from the uncomfortable plastic chair she’d been slumped in and she swore she heard her knees clang together as nerves trembled from head to toe.

“It uh, it did. It has. It’s gone” Her bottom lip caught between her teeth and she chewed lightly on it as Joshs mouth opened and closed in quick succession, his eyes wide beneath a knitted brow.

“And you’re not on it?”

Anouk giggled softly and twirled a strand of her long dark hair around her index finger. “I’m not, no. I’m here”

“But...”

“With you” Josh was speechless as she held out his missing boarding pass. “This is yours”

“How did you...” His lips clamped shut as she pulled a second piece of paper from the pocket of her hoodie.

“And this...”She smiled uncertainly, rocking back and forth on the balls of her feet. “This one is mine. My new one”

“I’m really sorry I made you miss your flight, you could’ve just handed it in, or...”

“You’re not getting this, are you?” Anouk chuckled, “Read”

Josh took a deep audible deep breath as he let his eyes scan the pass thrust at him, before letting them flick up to Anouks grey orbs. There was a glint flitting between the two that he couldn’t quite pin down and he watched the smile from her lips spread upward as he opened his mouth to speak. Again, he was cut short.

“I’m not ready to tell you I love you” She whispered, taking a step towards him and resting her forehead against his chin; welcoming the pair of arms that looped loosely around her small frame. “and I don’t think you were really ready to tell me it either”

She squeezed her eyes shut tight, preparing for a protest of some sort, but she felt Joshs nod of agreement and finally let herself breathe again, letting her eyes flicker open and slowly focus on the red and black plaid pattern of his shirt.

“But you’re the best person I’ve met, ever. And I’m not prepared to let that go”