Boy Toy

Wednesday passes and all Marshall can do is think of Sebastian, but he is not going back to the Steinhouse. He can’t.
He doesn’t even know why, really, but he just knows that he fucking can’t.
He does know that a perfect and ever amazing guy like Sebastian could be the thing he might maybe need the most, right now, he just can’t.

He also knows that rebounds are never healthy and never last, but Sebastian would be and Sebastian could last and he would make Marshall forget about Nathan, he fucking knows it.

So Wednesday, the entire day, is spent lying on the middle of his trampoline in the backyard, chain-smoking cigarettes he didn’t know he had, and thinking. Brain overload, close to explosion, too much, fucking thinking.

~

Sweet, sweet Thursdays.

Thursdays have always been Marshall’s favorites.

He loves Thursdays for multiple reasons, but today, he’s really just looking forward to human contact again. Because even though his douchebag ex-best friend and his douchebag ex-boyfriend are going to be there, he can just feel that today is going to be an excellent day.

He pulls on a pair of old and faded jeans and slips into his favorite Radiohead t-shirt. His tired Vans are on his feet and he’s calling out a goodbye to his mom. Grabbing a strawberry Poptart off the counter, he’s gone.

The air is close to frigid, but Marshall is just happy. He’s walking, just listening to the birds and his feet hitting the ground in a gentle and soothing pattern. There’s a dopey sort of smile on his face and for the first time in what feels like forever, he’s not thinking about anything. Not boys, not sex, not how his day is going to be, not how his week has been, just nothing. Marshall figures that the nothingness in his brain is a perfect fucking way to start the day.

And as it turns out, it is. His classes go off without a hitch, not one bit of yelling or snippety attitudes from any of teachers; in fact, most of them seem relieved to see him back. Both Nathan and Mattie avoid him completely and he is forever thankful to that god watching over him.

He and his best girl friend, Auden, spend their entire lunch hour and free period sitting in the barren and empty fire escape staircase, talking about Nathan and Sebastian and Auden’s own crushes and problems.

For the first time since second grade, Marshall doesn’t want that last bell to ring signifying their freedom from the brick building, but it does anyway.

He wanders to his locker, another silly grin plastered on his pale face, humming some tune that he doesn’t quite know. Nathan’s locker is twelve down from him and Marshall doesn’t even notice the tall, thin boy’s presence.

As Marshall skips down the nearly empty hallway, he slips his mirrored Ray Ban Wayfarers on, still smiling. He stops short of hopping down the concrete steps when he notices a usually unusual presence. He wanders down the steps slowly, smile less radiant but still obvious.

“How… how did you know that I go to school here?”

“You told me, Marshall.”

Marshall doesn’t remember this, but then he realizes that in his multiple hours of endless one-sided conversation, he could’ve told Sebastian everything about himself. His birthday, his phone number, his address, his great-grandmother’s maiden and middle names.
So he accepts what Sebastian just said and grins, shaking his pale honey colored hair out of his face.

“Where were you yesterday?” Sebastian asks, his voice low and quiet, slightly awkward. After knowing Sebastian for only two days, Marshall is almost positive that Sebastian doesn’t actually get awkward.

Marshall isn’t one for lying, either, and decides to tell the truth. “I was thinking. And killing my lungs, one cigarette after the other,” he says, thankful for the reflective lens of his turquoise glasses that prevent the tall, tanned boy from seeing his averted eyes.

“What were you thinking about so intently that it took your entire day?” Their arms are brushing against one another softly, seeming to light both of the teenagers’ skin on fire.

“You, mainly. And then I had to force myself to stop. Then I thought about Nathan, then you again.” Sebastian starts to grin a little and grabs Marshall’s hand, gently intertwining their fingers together. The older boy’s hand is rough but smooth against Marshall’s own and he inaudibly breathes a satisfied sigh.

“Why’d you force yourself to stop?” comes the inquiry, and Marshall hears the obvious smile in the other’s voice.

Marshall is quiet a few serene moments before speaking, his voice softer than before. “You confuse me. But not you, specifically. Just… you,” he says, shaking his head when he knows it doesn’t make sense.

Sebastian’s low and comforting laugh echoes in the empty air between them and it forces Marshall to smile, too. They’re walking the opposite way of both the café and Marshall’s house, but he doesn’t want to mention anything to stop the walking, so he stays quiet.

“You’re confusingly adorable, Marshall. I don’t understand you, but I’m going to pretend that I do.” Marshall didn’t figure on Sebastian understanding, so he’s okay with this and because he isn’t sure on how to actually tell the tall boy what he’s trying to say, he just doesn’t.

They walk quietly now, with Sebastian murmuring lyrics to a song and melody that Marshall’s never heard before and they’ re watching the leaves and their feet slamming against the concrete sidewalk in perfect cadence.

Marshall wasn’t used to comfortable silence, mainly because Nathan didn’t stop talking for more than six seconds at a time which was usually only to regain his breath. So when he finds himself happy with the serene quietness that surrounds him and Sebastian, he’s slightly surprised.

“Oh, fuck, Mar, you’re still on probation, aren’t you?” Sebastian asks, sort of all of a sudden and Marshall is pulled out of his thoughts of how bad nipple piercings might hurt (and Sebastian) and then he stutters out an “Uh…” and nods.

So the two turn around suddenly, their hands still entangled in the small space between them, more of a hurry in their steps now and less calmness.

It feels like two seconds before their four houses down from Marshall’s and stopped on the street corner and Marshall feels like a douchebag because he’s just standing there kind of awkwardly even though he really wants to say something, anything, but he doesn’t.

Sebastian is just grinning with his head tilted to the side, looking at the smaller blonde boy, studying him. “There’s a party this weekend. Don’t sneak out. If you can come, call me. If not, don’t worry about it, alright?” Marshall nods, a light blush dusting his cheeks.

Sebastian leans in and places a small, cliché kiss on Marshall’s cheek, grabs his turquoise Ray Bans and takes off, leaving Marshall standing there, smiling yet another cute, dopey smile.