Living on Perfectly Remembered Memories

Matt's eyes shifted back and forth, as he gulped loudly. I still don't know how he can do that so loudly. I've tried on occasion when I was bored, but I'm the only one who can hear my gulps. "I'm not going to get in trouble for being here with you right?" he asked.

I shook my head. "No, Matt, you aren't."

"Oh okay."

"When are you ever scared of getting into trouble?" I laughed.

I finished putting the pictures I had previously taken of everyone in the band two weeks before in a secured folder. The photography instructor here, Mrs. Torres approved of the pictures. I wasn't exactly satisfied with my work and wanted to continue to take more frames until I found one I liked, but boys and patience do not mix. So, I had to pick the best of the bunch along with help from the guys too.

It was then that Matt finally answered me. "Shut up," he whined.

"What a nice comeback," I grinned.

The folder with the pictures was now in my tote bag and I was ready to leave. I stood up from my stool but Matt remained, staring at his hands. Something was definitely wrong here.

I sat back down, dropping my bag to the floor, and placing a hand on his shoulder. "What's wrong?"

He suddenly looked really, very angry. "At least the band is doing okay," he muttered.

"That's what's right. What is wrong?" I pressured.

He sighed and looked at me. "Coach said I gotta gain more muscle or I'm gonna get kicked off the team."

"Is that man blind?" I scoffed. "Does he want you to take steroids?"

"I don't know..." was his reply. It sounded pathetic, but I didn't want to be mean. It was obvious he loves football and without it, he would break down again.

We sat in the classroom for a while; I did my best to comfort him while he was thinking.

"Thank you. What about you?" Matt questioned, breaking the silence.

"What about me?" I giggled.

"What's wrong with you?"

"Nothing."

"Stop lying. Sometimes you should put yourself first."

"Well, okay. Photography is kicking my ass." Lie. Lie. Lie. What's funny is he knew I was lying but continued as though I was telling the truth.

"You know what?" he said, slamming his fist down on the table. I clearly jumped. "We need to have fun! Beach next weekend?"

"Okay." The beach sounded nice. I haven't been there since last summer.

!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!i!

I felt awkward and out of place as Matt and I walked to Huntington Beach—holding hands. Maybe it was because I really missed Rafael and wished he wasn't halfway across the country from me. Maybe it was because people Matt and I knew from school gave us weird smiles and winks when they passed by us on the sidewalks.

No, I was not going to allow myself to feel sad that my boyfriend isn't here with me. Matt had such excitement in his eyes when he suggested the both of us go to the beach. I'm going to mirror that excitement, even if it kills me.

Matt swung our clasped hands back and forth as we waited for the light to turn green. This brought back the flashback of that one particular day of sophomore year. Matt carried my textbooks and his as we walked home after a bad day of mine. I hate the Salem Witch Trials now, I swear.

Anyways, that was the day Matt kissed my cheek. That was the very first time he did it too. A whirlwind of things happened from that but it was all my imagination. Look at us now. He's single, busy with a band with Jimmy and Zacky. I have my boyfriend. Things sure have changed in barely two years.

Oh man, we're going to be seniors when the summer ends! Oh my god!

"Ma-"

"We're finally here!" Matt smiled and tugged on my hand.

He made me run the rest of the way there, my drawstring bag holding our two towels, sun block, and money flying wildly behind my back.

I have never seen him so happy to be near the water. It was an adorable sight to see.

After we found a spot to put our things, we immediately raced towards the water. Matt easily won and laughed at me when I finally jumped into the water, huffing and puffing. It wasn't fair! He's a body builder so he has more endurance! He still laughed at me when I told him this so I splashed water at him. That led to a splashing war that he won...again.

The competitions got old after him winning so many times. I opted to talk about things. It was much easier and a lot more fun. That really was until he had to get serious.

"Can you see yourself with Rafael?" Matt asked, swimming around me.

I dipped some of my hair in the salty ocean water before I answered. "I'm already with him dude."

"Stop being a smart ass," he replied, poking me in the stomach.

"Stop!" I groaned, slapping his hand away underwater. "But seriously, I do."

"Even if he has to go away for so long? You know, with tennis and all."

"To be fair, none of us are sure he's going to become pro."

"True, but come on. You know he will. He's good at what he does."

"When that happens, we'll deal with it. What about you? Are you ready to date again?"

He looked at me but didn't answer my question. Instead, he began to swim back to the sand. I followed back, slowly, to give him some time to think. It was a very sensitive topic but he hadn't mentioned her since that night they broke up. I wasn't sure if he was keeping his feeling and thoughts bottled up, but I had a feeling he was.

He sat down on his towel while I dried myself with mine. I wasn't even sure he was going to tell me now. I guess I'll have to ask again anot-

"For weeks, I wondered why she broke up with me. I thought I was a good boyfriend, not perfect, but good enough."

"You definitely were Matt. You gave her gifts for no reason, you always held her hand or kissed her cheek—and believe me, girls feel more appreciated when guys do that instead of on the lips sometimes, and you only paid attention to her. Sorry, go on."

He smiled. "Thanks. I kept wondering and wondering. I thought she cheated on me, but she didn't. Some of my friends found some information. They said she broke up with me because she was too in love with me. Fran, how does it make sense to break up with someone because you love them? Please tell me."

I really wasn't expecting that to come from him. Speechless was all I could give him. "I...Matt...Damn...I don't know. That doesn't make sense. Maybe she was scared that you would end up hurting her in the end. Maybe she didn't want a broken heart."

"Maybe...But still! How does she know I would hurt her like that? By her doing what she did, she just ruined her chances of me being in love with her too."

"...You weren't in love with her?" I asked incredulously.

He shook his head. "Nope."

Seven months and he wasn't in love with her? Why does that seem so farfetched? Love may take time but it doesn't take a yearlong relationship for someone to fall in love. That's what mom tells me at least.

"I think I was going to. It already happened though. I can't take it back."

"True."

"I had a really fun day!" Talk about Matt and his bipolar moments.

I smiled cheerfully at him. "Me too."

"I think you're in need of sleep though. Your eyes are a really dark green right now," he pointed out.

"Your point?" I nearly spat.

"You're always sleepy when your eyes turn that color."

"What if I don't want to go home?"

"It doesn't matter. I'm taking you right now. It's almost sunset always."

I sat in the sand and watched as Matt folded both towels and put them into the bag I brought. He helped me put the bag on my shoulders since my movements were sluggish. Wow, I guess I really was tired. How the hell did he do that? I don't even notice what color my eyes turn when I'm sleepy.

"Hop on my back," he commanded, bending his knees so I could jump on. I did so, wrapping my arms around his neck and my legs around his stomach. His hands were on the outside of my thighs as he began to walk up the steps to the sidewalk.

I was drifting in and out of sleep at the steady rhythm of Matt's walking. It was okay though. He wasn't going to drop me.

"Matty?" I said in a sleepy tone.

"Yeah?" he answered.

"Thank you for this."

"Any time sweetie. I'd only do this for you."

I thought back on our day together. I haven't had this much fun in forever. I'm happy I told him yes to the beach idea. If we invited our best friends, maybe we would've had a bon fire at night, but I liked this more. Matt and I haven't had time alone together for months. Significant others got in the way as well as sports and such.

"I can't believe you still wear the bracelets I bought you," he laughed.

I think he was talking more to himself than to me, but I made a comment anyways. "I love these. They're so nice and pretty. I love them almost as much as I love you."

"I love you too Fran, I love you too."