Living on Perfectly Remembered Memories

Matt

After Franchesa disappeared back to her tent, I walked around watching what others were doing. Some people were in the lake, some were playing football, and some were eating. I kept walking but couldn't help to think of something. No matter what I did, she would always go back to him at the end of the day. It's sad how true that is.

I sighed, heading into the recreation room for something to drink. It was pretty nice in here. It had the feel of those boy scout cafeteria rooms you always saw in movies.

I grabbed a water bottle and gave the cashier a dollar before guzzling the whole thing down. Just after I threw the bottle into the recycle bin, Fran walked out in a tank top and shorts.

"Feel like a walk?" she asked, her hair wet from the shower, I guessed she had just taken. I nodded.

We walked around the campsite, saying hi to friends. Eventually, my ears heard the plucking of guitar strings. I smirked. Fran hasn't heard me sing or play guitar for that matter. This would be the time to 'Wow' her.

I pulled on her hand, dragging her towards one of the musicians in our school, Christian. He plays drums, guitar, and sang. The dude is really chill.

"What are you doing?" she whispered in my ear.

"Just watch," I told her and walked over to Christian. He gave me a nod as he continued to play for the small audience he had gathered so far. "You mind if I play a few songs?"

He shook his head. "Be my guest."

I took his seat on the log and cleared my throat while tuning the guitar to my liking. I made sure that Fran was in my view before I started to sing.

The first two songs weren't anything special. They were just a warm up for me. It did bring more people to listen to me sing, though. I even saw a few girls give me the flirty eye. Yeah, these bitches give me attention when they find out I can play a guitar. No, they never paid me attention before when I tried to talk to them. Whatever, they're all mindless anyways.

The last song I decided to play, I thought long and hard. I wanted it to have real meaning. I thought back to when I was in the car with dad a few months ago, just taking a drive. It was definitely a memory I would have to keep locked with me forever.

The light changed from green, to yellow, to red by the time we reached the crosswalk. Dad turned the volume down. I frowned. I loved it when we would drive around for no reason and listened to Pantera.

"Matthew," he said firmly.

I turned my head and looked at him through my aviators. He signaled for me to take them off. I did so and hung them on the collar of my shirt.

He opened his mouth to say something but the sound of cars honking made him stop. He sighed and gave the driver behind him the finger before speeding off.

I was nervous now. He wanted to talk about something and he even asked me to take off my shades. There's something wrong with that. I always had to look him in the eye without anything covering mine so he could tell if I was lying or not. I'm terrified; no lie.

We drove more and more until he turned left and drove into the parking lot of an ice cream place. He shut the car off and turned his body, looking at me.

I scratched the back of my neck and gulped. Something was brewing in his head and I had a feeling he was going to start screaming.

"Matthew," he repeated himself. "What are you doing?"

I looked at him completely confused. "I'm sitting here with you?" I stated but ended with a question.

He chuckled. "No," he shook his head. "What I mean is, what are you doing about Franchesa?"

"Am I supposed to be doing anything with her?"

"I won't make any assumption here but I'm going to give you a word of advice: if you want something, if you want someone, don't wait for that right moment shit. Take actions now when you still can. Don't hold back."

I blinked at him with my mouth hanging open. I was positive, definite he knew about how I felt for Franchesa. I was never going to admit it out loud though. It was one thing to admit it to myself in my brain, but I was not going to tell anyone else, even my own father.

"I don't know what you're talking about," I mumbled pathetically. I knew exactly what he was talking about.

He nodded and laughed. "Then you can forget I said all that useless bullshit. Pretty much contradicted myself didn't I? I assumed when I said I wasn't going to assume."

Take actions now right? I cleared my throat and strummed over the strings. Those girls that gave me flirty looks before leaned in closer. I didn't pay attention to them though. My eyes glided easily over them and connected with Fran's eyes.

Her green eyes were shining with pleasure and delight. I guess she liked my singing. I couldn't help but to blush, knowing that she approved of my voice. I swallowed and began to sing, keeping the eye contact. "Wise men say...only fools rush in. But I can't help...falling in love with you. Shall I stay? Would it be...a sin? If I can't help...falling in love with you?"

After that, I stopped looking at her. My eyes burned into the guitar as I continued the lyrics. I was still nervous as ever, I just didn't know why. I closed my eyes and tilted my head back. I felt the sun's rays hit my face. It felt really nice.

"...For I can't help falling in love with you. For I can't help...falling. In. Love. With. You."

I re-opened my eyes and looked in Fran's direction. Rafael had his arms around her, his chin on her shoulder. She was leaning into his chest with her eyes closed. I almost gagged. This was the only time I had with her and the boyfriend has to go and steal her.

I gave the guitar back to Christian and walked away. Lisa walked up to me. "Can I talk to you?"

I shrugged and walked into the woods where no one could hear us.

She grabbed my shoulder and turned me around. I was already in a dangerous mood so she really should quit that. The glare in my eye and the vein protruding against my temple told her to be gentler or I would get angry.

She crossed her arms across her chest. "You're really just going to love her from far away?"

"What are you talking about?" I spat. I didn't want anything to do with her so the nastier I was, the faster she would get away from me.

"I see how you look at her. Hell, we ALL know how you feel about her."

I sighed and gave in. Was I really that obvious? "It's doesn't matter. We're only best friends and she's happy with him."

"Ever think she could be happier with you?"

Actually, I have. The only problem is she doesn't see me happy with her.

"Why do you care so much?" I asked.

"I see how you guys act around each other when Rafael isn't there to cock block. You two act as though you're dating. A bit sickening but cute, I can't deny that," she said really fast as though she hated herself for thinking that.

I don't know why I was standing here still talking to my ex whom I did not like whatsoever. I couldn't figure out why I was telling her my deepest secrets. Maybe it was because she confronted me about it.

I looked around me in case anyone was listening in. Though, I doubt it would matter since the next statement wouldn't affect much if they eavesdropped on all the other things we said. "I can't...I'll lose her."

There, I finally said it. I'm hoping that she'll see how I act towards her and see that I want to be with her. I'll never openly tell her. It'll hurt too much.

Lisa pulled at her hair some more. "You never truly know that."

"Yeah and if you're wrong?"

"But I'm not!" she pouted and stomped her foot. A long time ago, I would've found that cute, but now, it's annoying. "She may love Rafael but she loves you more."

"Best friends wise."

"Fine, be stubborn."

I watched as she walked away, back towards civilization. I should get back and find them before they send a chopper to find me. I just think I'll walk around by myself for a little bit to figure things out first.