The Ballerina

“Well, first I looked at the park. I was sure you’d be there.” She responded quietly to his question.

“I didn’t want you to find me, actually.” He said with a sniffle. “I was going to go there.”

Acelynn nodded. “And then Tuck thought of here.” Unconsciously, she looked back through the back window of the truck to see that the older boy had disappeared without notice. She then turned back her attention to Luke. “He said that this is a really special place to you.”

“Yeah. Tuck and I used to come here all the time. It was our escape.” Luke explained and then fell silent again.

“Look, Luke, I—“

“August 23rd, 2007.” He said suddenly when he cut her off.

“What?” Acelynn asked, totally caught off guard.

“That was the day I first saw you.” He smiled softly, but had yet to look at Acelynn since she crawled into his truck. Her cheeks became ruddy and hot. “I remember because that was the first day of freshman year. I remember that you were with that Jojo girl, and your hair was shorter. You were wearing these jean shorts and a grey, long sleeve shirt.

“Jojo was talking, but you weren’t listening. I could just tell because you looked like you were thinking about something important. I’m not sure what though. But you were walking up the courtyard towards the school. I was sitting on the steps waiting for the bell. And the first thing I thought about you was ‘whoa, she’s something different.’ Because you looked like you didn’t belong at the school – with those people. You looked like you were just so clashing with the kids… You were so special.”

“Why are you telling me this, Luke?” Acelynn asked in a very small voice.

Luke ignored the question. “Then it was September 15th this year when you finally talked to me. You were so mad at me for following you to your dance class.” He smiled at the memory. “It was really adorable. You looked like a rabid puppy. As if you wanted to try and fight me.

“You had no idea that I knew… Well, I thought that you can hurt yourself. That I wanted to try and get to know you and help you through it. I know how hard it is to… But I guess it didn’t matter. Anyway, you so obviously didn’t want to have anything to do with me. But still… You came into my truck and let me give you a ride.

“I have no idea to this day why you let me; your eyes just screamed that you hated me. And yet you did. You sat in this truck with me and without even talking, we began to get along. I think that it was one of the best days in my life – even if we didn’t talk. Because it was the first day I spent with you.”

“Luke, I don’t understand. Why are you telling me this?” She asked her question again.

“Because, Ace, you need to know.” He replied quietly and wiped his nose on his sleeve.

“Need to know what?”

But instead of answering the question, he continued on. “Then on October 17th this year… that was the day I fell in love with you. That was the day I realized that you and I are more than just people.” He shrugged. “We’re broken souls.

“It was that first day you ran away from your ballet lessons and found me at the park. God, I was such a wreck that day. Tuck had just set a tree on fire and was on parole… It made me so sad, for some reason. So I went to the park to just get out of my house. I had no idea that you were going to try and find me that day. But as fate so had it we met up that day. And you said my name. It was like magic, even though you sounded half dead.

“Then you told me you were dying inside. It broke my heart that you felt that – that I had caused your pain. But you let me hold you and get close to you. And when I did that – when I comforted you and made you feel better; when I made you stop crying – I knew that I was in love with you, Acelynn Adams. I knew that making you feel better – making the tears go away, that was what I wanted to dedicate my life to. I wanted to dedicate my life to you.

“You told me that you understood how I felt. How I felt empty and alone in the world. And you took those feelings and traded them for love. Ace, that was the day that I realized that I loved you. And I have loved you everyday since.” Luke sighed. He took a pack of cigarettes from the glove box and pulled a stick from it. He stuck it in his mouth and pulled the red lighter from his pocket and produced a small fire to light the cigarette. Those movements had become so familiar to Acelynn. A small comfort in life.

Luke and Acelynn sat in a semi awkward but partly comfortable silence. Luke stared out at the bridge, slowly taking drags from the cigarette. Acelynn didn’t take her eyes off of her companion. Occasionally she would blink, and for a fraction of a second she wasn’t viewing the black haired boy. But other than that, her eyes were fixated on him.

Maybe, Acelynn figured, she was supposed to say something. She didn’t know what she would say – what could she say? She was so bad at communication. ‘Hey, bud, just chin up; I may not love you, but I’m really into your brother!’ No. Acelynn opened her mouth to say something – anything.

“You know,” Luke began to say instead, “my dad is a really nice guy. When he wants to be, anyway. He donates to charity, he goes to fund raising events, he provides for me and Tuck… He’s someone you could look up to. But while Tuck would be the first person to knock my father on his ass… I would probably be the second.

“I know… I know that this may come as a surprise to you, but I know that my attempts to get my dad to like me are fruitless. I know he can't stand me. He can barely look at me anymore. I’m just a constant reminder of Anna for him.

“God, I wish I knew more about my mom. I only know secondhand information from Tuck – of course my dad won’t even think of talking to me about it. About anything, really. And Tuck was only five when Anna… moved on. So he doesn’t really know a whole lot about her. I wish I could just talk to my father about Anna, so much. I want to know if I look anything like her. I want to know if we act the same. I want to know so much…

“I want to know if she loved the snow as much as me, or if she wrote with her left hand like me. I wonder to know if when she was a kid she would ask hundreds of questions to an Ouija board late at night with a friend. I want to know if her favorite animal was a dog, or if she preferred cats. I want to know if she was allergic to lemon juice, Penicillin, or grass. I wonder if her favorite books were classic like Dracula and Treasure Island, or some second hand Indie book I’ve never heard of.

“I want to know if she’s ever been out of the country, and went somewhere exotic like Mexico or Italy. I wonder if she could cook or bake. I wonder if she ever went through a Goth stage in high school, or if she was preppy all the way. Mostly… I just want to know why she left me here with Dad.” He ended grimly.

“Luke.” Acelynn said firmly. “You can’t just spend the rest of your life asking the ‘what if’ questions. You have to move on, because if you don’t—“

“Then the pain will consume me, and I will wither into nothingness.” The blue-eyed boy rolled his eyes. “You’re not going to tell me anything that Tuck hasn’t. But I can’t help but wonder what it would be like if my mother hadn’t left – and if I am anything like her. I just can’t help it.

“You know, my father only spoke of Anna once in my life. Just once. It wasn’t even to me – he was reminiscing, I suppose. I was fourteen and Tuck had told me about my father. He was in his office, doing god-knows-what and the door was cracked open. And then I heard him say ‘Anna, how could you?’ so I knew that Tuck wasn’t just pulling my leg about everything. I don’t know what he was talking about – but I’ve made my theories. Each one just as ridiculous as the other. But when he said that, I knew that I could never approach my father about Anna.

“I know that he hates me – for stupid, childish reasons – but he does hate me. And I know that I can’t change that. But for the same ways that I know my dad will never love me – I keep trying to get him to love me. I also know that Tuck wouldn’t lie to me. He couldn’t. He would avoid talking to me and try to keep things from me – in his way of protecting me – but he wouldn’t lie to me. He can’t.

“So I know that you did kiss him. And that’s okay. ‘You know what else? Tuck was right. Acey, I’m in love with you. I have been for months and it has been the greatest time of my life. The world has been brighter. Birds – if they were actually here in winter – would sing a little sweeter.” Luke finally said.

Luke finally said it – that he was in love with Acelynn. It was the first time he had said it out loud. It was like the world stood still – just for them. For a split second, in the moment he said those words, everything was quieter; calmer. The earth took a rest from its billion year old orbit around the sun to stop and let the words sink into the air.

Acelynn knew for a fact – inside of her heart – that she had to say something. There was no way out of it. She had to speak up and respond to Luke.

“You know, I thought you were just some punk who wanted to make a fool of me.” Acelynn blurted out. “I thought you were some random kid who wanted to have a good laugh. I didn’t know that you knew – well you thought – that I was truly dying. That my heart was growing weaker and weaker every day. My very soul was crumbling.

“That first day we spoke, you spoke to me in that condescending tone I hate so much. You put me on this sarcastic, makeshift pedestal that made it seem that I thought I was better than everyone else. You have no idea how much I wanted to punch you in the face.” Acelynn smirked. She made Luke crack a smile as well. “You talked down to me and had something irritating to say after every word I got in. But somehow… Luke, you made me want to get to know you.

“I had no idea what came over me when I got in your truck. I was fully prepared to walk all the way home. But there was just something about you that made me want to come with. Back then, I had no idea that you would become my best friend in the world. My soul mate. The one I could talk to about anything. You are my hero – my everything. My whole world.

“And I do love you, Luke. I truly do. But just not in the same way.” The girl finally said. “I’m in love with Tuck.”