Kill Me.

Callum was frowning by the time Lee had shut the door. He stumbled backwards, shaking his head and bringing a hand to his cheek, rubbing it furiously, as if enough friction could erase the feeling of Lee’s lips against it. What had he done to make the boy feel so comfortable? More importantly why did the boy feel comfortable? No one ever really felt open or daring around Callum, never wanted to get closer but Lee didn’t seem to care about the dangerous aura he possessed.

“Damn,” he cursed, walking out of the apartment building. The way Lee had relaxed into his arms, so gentle, so trusting, made Callum’s entire body shake. It wasn’t that he was angry or disgusted, no, he admitted to himself. He still resisted the little voice that screamed at him that it was fear that had him rushing out of there, desperate to get back to mundane paperwork. He didn’t want to be the person Lee relied on, that he wanted to be around. In the end, he’d find a way to hurt him, to completely break his heart. It wouldn’t be intentional, but Callum wasn’t too arrogant to admit he screwed up every relationship he attempted, friends or otherwise.

It would be different though, with Lee, his mind protested and he scoffed openly. It hadn’t been different with Daniel, or Micah, or anyone else. It didn’t matter that they had been high school boyfriends, he’d always felt that tug that it was worth fighting for, that he needed to make a move. And then he’d do something and they’d break up and he’d be devastated, not that anyone would ever know.

Shaking his head he hailed a taxi and went straight back to work. He didn’t allow his thoughts to wander again until 9 that night, and that was only to briefly wonder if he should check on Lee. He didn’t have his phone number though, and that meant he’d have to just show up. What if he was asleep? Or worse, what if he wasn’t and he answered the door? Callum decided against it as he pulled onto the roadway. He had no idea what he was supposed to do, not after lee had suddenly seemed so open to him, so vulnerable. He didn’t want to be responsible for keeping the boy with his stunning smile or making sure his eyes were bright and eager. He couldn’t handle it.

Callum woke up the next morning just at sunrise, as he normally did. No alarm was needed to actually wake him up, and he usually found himself lying in bed watching the clock on the wall tick its way to a reasonable time to actually be out of bed. It was a Saturday though, and that meant he’d have nothing to actually get up for. He should call him mom, he realized. They hadn’t spoken in a long time, though it didn’t bother him. She’d be getting edgy though, not liking that both of her babies were in a city with a killer on the loose. Callum was surprised he hadn’t been ordered to get his sister and be on the next flight back to rural Georgia. Not that that would ever actually happen.

His thoughts were scattered as he planned out his day, debating on what to do. An hour later he found himself standing inside the gym next door, debating on if he felt like running his standard 5 miles or swimming laps to start with.

At least when he ran, his mind was focused. There was no wandering thoughts or scattered heartbeats at the thought of having to face Lee again. He could repress his feelings well, deny them so no one would ever know, but he couldn’t ignore the feeling of bees flying through his chest cavity, prodding and agitating. Realizing his thoughts were messing with him, making him angry at himself, he ran faster, running until he was too tired to think of anything but the steady rhythm he wanted his breathing to return to.

Only after a good hour of working out did he return home to actually get a shower and start the day. It was hard, but he knew he should go see Lee. The boy had been shaken completely yesterday, terrified, and he should at least make sure the younger boy was safe and stable. That thought in mind, Callum found himself driving to Lee’s apartment with no intentions of staying more than a few minutes. He had to go grocery shopping, and then to meet a friend, he decided before laughing. Anyone else could use it as a plausible excuse but Lee knew he didn’t really have friends, nor did he actually do much grocery shopping.

Shrugging it off, Callum knocked on Lee’s door before realizing it was only eight in the morning. Surprisingly Lee opened it rather quickly, the chain still keeping the door mostly shut as his head peeked out. Callum chose to ignore the way his hands were shaking against the door frame.

“Oh, Callum, it’s just you. Hey,” Lee said, relaxing visibly and offering a tiny smile. His eyes were bloodshot and his hair was a mess. Callum wondered if he’d slept at all. The fact that, when Lee let him in, Callum noticed everything was clean enough to pass military inspection and there were fresh vacuum marks on the carpet, made him believe he hadn’t.

“Did you sleep?” Callum asked anyway. Lee gave him a sheepish smile and shook his head.

“I couldn’t. Every time I’d close my eyes I’d either see that man or I’d see the killer coming after me.” Callum nodded, walking to Lee’s couch and sitting down, sinking into its battered cushions. Lee sat next to him, looking at him with a timid blush before moving a little closer. He was reluctant but Callum found himself wrapping an arm around the boy’s shoulders just to make him stop shaking, surprised by how icy his skin was. Lee snuggled into his shoulder as Callum focused on the show he had been watching. In minutes he heard quiet snores coming from beside him.