Status: Completed One-Shot
Distance Is Decay
Distance Is Decay
“You’re probably getting sick of me calling everyday.” I said, really hoping that it wasn’t true.
“Of course not!” She said, sounding completely sure of herself. While she was sure, I was having all the doubts in the world about her. I tipped the bottle of vodka to my lips, taking a gulp, letting the alcohol warm my insides.
“I miss you so much, love. It’s killing me not to see you.” I placed the bottle on the table and put my face in my hand, hoping that those words didn’t go in one ear and out the other. It was rare that I poured my heart out to someone, and it was so hard when I did.
“You only have a few more dates, Oli, then you’ll be able to see me all you want.” Andie said. I swear behind her enthusiasm I sensed a feeling of disappointment. I brought up none of these concerns and continued on as normally as I possibly could. “I know, and I honestly can’t wait for them to be over.” I semi-lied. I wanted to see her, but she probably didn’t feel the same towards me. There are a few guys back home that she’s been fucking around with, I know, and probably more that I don’t know about. What’s worse is every time I call her, she seems happier, which makes me even more depressed.
My drinking’s gotten worse, which means I can’t count the number of groupies I’ve fucked using all my fingers and toes. Those chicks are so easy, and it’s a good quick fix when you’re in the mood. I’m pretty sure I’ve dragged a few guys back with me, but I was so shitfaced that I couldn’t tell the difference, as long as I got something.
It tore me apart inside to know I was doing this to her, and her to me. Waking up in a different bed every night with a different girl next to me just didn’t have the same appeal as it used to.
She cleared her throat, not saying anything.
“Hey, can I ask you something, love?” I asked, taking another big swig of the intoxicating fluid, not knowing if the alcohol or my rational mind was telling me that enough was enough, that I needed to end it with her.
“Anything.” She said.
“Do you love me anymore? Should I even try?”
It was silent on the other line. I had to look on my phone to see if she hung up or not. “Andie, if you don’t say anything, I’m gonna take the silence as a no.”
“I think I have to go.” She said, sounding slightly nervous and uneasy.
“Not til you answer my question.” I said, hearing my words slur together the slightest bit. “I know you’ve been fucking other guys, and I just want to know if it’s even worth me trying anymore, or if I should just move on.”
“Well you probably haven’t been a perfect angel, either, Oli.”
“Well that doesn’t really matter, now does it? I guess we’re both fucking even, then.” I said, my voice full of acid.
“So we’re done.” She said, just as harshly.
“Only if you want to be. I still love you, Andie, but I don’t want to keep you in something you don’t want.” I said, really hoping that she’d give me another chance, that I didn’t fuck up too horribly.
Some more silence, and it was eating me from the inside out. I need an answer before I go crazy.
“You know, Oliver, I would stay with you, but I can practically smell the alcohol on your breath, meaning that you probably won’t remember jack shit about this in the morning. Goodbye, Oliver.” She hung up on me, and my heart shattered. I dropped my phone to the ground and just stared out. Her words cut at my memory, at my heart, making me fall apart.
I shed no tears, feeling that it would be too petty of a sign that I was broken, that I’d basically lost the love of my life.
“‘Ey, Oli, what’s up?” I heard Lee come in the bus. “Don’t drink all the booze!” He laughed, pulling the bottle away from me, already half gone.
I said nothing, just glared at him. I hated everything about life right now, but moreover, I hated myself. I didn’t have to start this whole thing, I could’ve kept my mouth shut and pretended like everything was okay, that neither of us were going around with other people.
“‘Ey, mate, are you alright?” He asked slowly.
“Get the hell out.” I said, looking at the floor, snatching back the bottle of booze after he filled his red plastic cup.
Lee said nothing and went out of the bus. Once the door was closed I felt like throwing the bottle at the wall in front of me, but decided against it. It would be a waste of perfectly good vodka.
I got up and downed a big portion of the bottle in a couple gulps, starting to get a little tipsy. I staggered over to the bathroom and opened up the cabinet above the vanity, seeing an assortment of pills and other drugs. I reached for the sleeping pills and one of the shaving razors, then sitting down in the tub. I popped the top off the pills and shoved about fifteen of them in my mouth, downing them with the rest of the vodka.
I dropped the bottle and it shattered on the floor beside the tub. I grabbed the razor and broke it, slicing the tips of my fingers in the process. I then began carving into my arm, becoming more numb and unaware, slowly fading. I got the last letter before the bloody blade dropped from my hand and my body completely shut down.
I will always love you, but I need pills to sleep.
“Of course not!” She said, sounding completely sure of herself. While she was sure, I was having all the doubts in the world about her. I tipped the bottle of vodka to my lips, taking a gulp, letting the alcohol warm my insides.
“I miss you so much, love. It’s killing me not to see you.” I placed the bottle on the table and put my face in my hand, hoping that those words didn’t go in one ear and out the other. It was rare that I poured my heart out to someone, and it was so hard when I did.
“You only have a few more dates, Oli, then you’ll be able to see me all you want.” Andie said. I swear behind her enthusiasm I sensed a feeling of disappointment. I brought up none of these concerns and continued on as normally as I possibly could. “I know, and I honestly can’t wait for them to be over.” I semi-lied. I wanted to see her, but she probably didn’t feel the same towards me. There are a few guys back home that she’s been fucking around with, I know, and probably more that I don’t know about. What’s worse is every time I call her, she seems happier, which makes me even more depressed.
My drinking’s gotten worse, which means I can’t count the number of groupies I’ve fucked using all my fingers and toes. Those chicks are so easy, and it’s a good quick fix when you’re in the mood. I’m pretty sure I’ve dragged a few guys back with me, but I was so shitfaced that I couldn’t tell the difference, as long as I got something.
It tore me apart inside to know I was doing this to her, and her to me. Waking up in a different bed every night with a different girl next to me just didn’t have the same appeal as it used to.
She cleared her throat, not saying anything.
“Hey, can I ask you something, love?” I asked, taking another big swig of the intoxicating fluid, not knowing if the alcohol or my rational mind was telling me that enough was enough, that I needed to end it with her.
“Anything.” She said.
“Do you love me anymore? Should I even try?”
It was silent on the other line. I had to look on my phone to see if she hung up or not. “Andie, if you don’t say anything, I’m gonna take the silence as a no.”
“I think I have to go.” She said, sounding slightly nervous and uneasy.
“Not til you answer my question.” I said, hearing my words slur together the slightest bit. “I know you’ve been fucking other guys, and I just want to know if it’s even worth me trying anymore, or if I should just move on.”
“Well you probably haven’t been a perfect angel, either, Oli.”
“Well that doesn’t really matter, now does it? I guess we’re both fucking even, then.” I said, my voice full of acid.
“So we’re done.” She said, just as harshly.
“Only if you want to be. I still love you, Andie, but I don’t want to keep you in something you don’t want.” I said, really hoping that she’d give me another chance, that I didn’t fuck up too horribly.
Some more silence, and it was eating me from the inside out. I need an answer before I go crazy.
“You know, Oliver, I would stay with you, but I can practically smell the alcohol on your breath, meaning that you probably won’t remember jack shit about this in the morning. Goodbye, Oliver.” She hung up on me, and my heart shattered. I dropped my phone to the ground and just stared out. Her words cut at my memory, at my heart, making me fall apart.
I shed no tears, feeling that it would be too petty of a sign that I was broken, that I’d basically lost the love of my life.
“‘Ey, Oli, what’s up?” I heard Lee come in the bus. “Don’t drink all the booze!” He laughed, pulling the bottle away from me, already half gone.
I said nothing, just glared at him. I hated everything about life right now, but moreover, I hated myself. I didn’t have to start this whole thing, I could’ve kept my mouth shut and pretended like everything was okay, that neither of us were going around with other people.
“‘Ey, mate, are you alright?” He asked slowly.
“Get the hell out.” I said, looking at the floor, snatching back the bottle of booze after he filled his red plastic cup.
Lee said nothing and went out of the bus. Once the door was closed I felt like throwing the bottle at the wall in front of me, but decided against it. It would be a waste of perfectly good vodka.
I got up and downed a big portion of the bottle in a couple gulps, starting to get a little tipsy. I staggered over to the bathroom and opened up the cabinet above the vanity, seeing an assortment of pills and other drugs. I reached for the sleeping pills and one of the shaving razors, then sitting down in the tub. I popped the top off the pills and shoved about fifteen of them in my mouth, downing them with the rest of the vodka.
I dropped the bottle and it shattered on the floor beside the tub. I grabbed the razor and broke it, slicing the tips of my fingers in the process. I then began carving into my arm, becoming more numb and unaware, slowly fading. I got the last letter before the bloody blade dropped from my hand and my body completely shut down.
I will always love you, but I need pills to sleep.