The Perfect Mistake

2009

Everything happens for a reason. It was a saying that Hailey’s mother lived by, always comforting her children with the simple phrase.

If they got an F on a test it wasn’t because they didn’t study, if they got dumped it wasn’t because either party did anything wrong, it was simply because everything happened for a reason. There was a lesson to be learned out of every horrible moment, significant or insignificant; something could be taken away from all of the pain, frustration and suffering.

Hailey’s mother always had a way of making things dramatic. When the dishwasher made a funny noise she was convinced that it would blow up in the middle of the night, engulfing the house in flames and taking her whole family down with it. She would stay awake at night, often thinking that every groan the frame of the house made was a ghost or an intruder.

It was a quirk that people couldn’t help but love, especially her children. It wasn’t that she was crazy; it was just that the middle aged woman still had a very active imagination.

Hailey had inherited a shred of this behavior, making everything seem like a bigger deal than it really was. Her mind worked over time, thinking things beyond recognition; she had to rationalize every move she made, every word she spoke. High school was where this behavior shined, her insecurities always got the best of her then.

College was a huge change, it was like reality walked up to her and bitch slapped her square in the face. There was no time for being insecure, there was no Erin to lean on, there was no mother saying “everything happens for a reason”. You were thrust into a world without many limitations, there was no time to sit and think about things, analyze what you would say to somebody you didn’t know.

She felt like Mary Tyler Moore the moment she stepped out of that car, wishing she had brought a hat to toss in the air while the familiar words “you’re going to make it” played softly in the background.

She had a feeling about San Francisco; it was like slipping into a pair of jeans that fit perfectly. It was comfortable, seemed well worn. She had expected a shock to the system, and maybe it was because she was tired from the long drive, but the shock just never came.

It instead seemed to happen when she left, like it was at that very moment as she sat in the passenger seat of her older brother Adam’s car.

“Are you sure that you’re okay Hails? You’ve been pretty quiet since we left,” her brother’s voice floated into her ears above the Jimmy Eat World song that occupied most of the volume.

She nodded, too lost in the passing cars and her own anxiousness to even mutter a “yes”.

Arizona just didn’t fit her anymore; it was her childhood dress that she had worn every day until she had grown too big for it. The desert heat of the summer felt like she was wearing a heavy winter coat she just couldn’t get undone.

The simple thought of returning to the state suffocated her while she watched the beautiful California scenery slip away.

Somewhere between the references to clothing and the coast Hailey fell asleep. Like her mother, the younger Martin seemed to inherit her insomnia as well. It wasn’t because of the moans and groans of an old house, Hailey just feared what sleep brought most people.

When Hailey was nine years old she had woken up in the middle of the night screaming. When her parents burst into her room to see what was going on, the shaking and sweating brunette child was curled up against her headboard, her knees tightly pressed against her chest. She had sworn up and down that a large bunny was chasing her, trying to crush her underneath its enormous back feet.

That was the first dream she remembered, and still could remember, every little detail. The smells, sights and sounds had all been so clear that she was convinced it had been real.

Many dreams after that one played out with the same sense of reality, some of those dreams occurring more regularly within the past three months.

She had this particular dream before; she could always hear the laughter ringing in her head days later. It was childlike at first, faint giggles that seemed to rise in volume and age in a matter of seconds before stopping completely.

They were all there, present and accounted for. Two boys with crooked smiles and two girls in white dresses, one girl always ended up with the sticky, warm substance on her hands before she realized that it also colored the front of her dress.

Shooting up in her seat quickly, Hailey gasped for air. The pain in her back was present, like it was every time she had this dream.

Her sudden movement had shocked her brother, the car jerked to a stop followed by the loud honk of a couple of car horns.

“Jesus Hailey, what the hell is wrong with you?!”

Her eyes darted around, trying to take in her surroundings. “I-it was a-a, I had a-a,” she stammered.

A bad dream, that’s all it was. Like a lot of the things that came from her old childhood dress of a state, it was only a bad dream.

Looking over at her brother she could see the fear that had taken over his face, fear that had replaced exhaustion. Although his eyes were wide, she could tell that the five hour drive had taken its toll on him.

She had seen that look far too often lately; her pretty tolerant roommate usually gave her the exact same look.

“Sorry,” she mumbled, feeling the flesh of her cheeks get hot.

“It’s fine,” Adam nodded, his grip tightening on the steering wheel as he gathered himself, calmed his nerves, before he continued down the road.

Silence clouded over them once again, Hailey’s embarrassment was growing the longer her brother kept driving. Her dreams had been getting to her more and more, especially after the unwanted visit from Garrett.

All of that was abruptly pushed away from her mind when the neon sign of the motel came into her view. She knew her brother needed the sleep, sleep that she wouldn’t be getting much of that night. She didn’t really care about sleeping though, she just wanted to stretch her legs, clear her mind with some pointless movie or even read that book she had been putting off.

She waited in the car, quickly surveying the condition of the motel as her brother went to get them a room. It was straight out of a horror movie, she felt like a killer could pop up at any moment and she’d have no where to escape to.

She felt like her mother.

That was when she heard the foot steps. Surely it was her mind playing tricks on her, things like that didn’t happen in real life. She moved her hand towards the door handle, preparing herself to bolt if she needed to.

The driver’s door flew open and a head popped inside of the car causing Hailey to scream in surprise. She heard a thud and then a string of curse words, making her realize what happened.

Opening her own door and getting out of the car she stared at Adam, who was bent over clutching the back of his head and hissing in pain.

Biting her bottom lip in remorse, Hailey cautiously spoke. “Are you okay?”

“Hailey Rae, what the hell is wrong with you today?” He groaned.

“I’m so sorry Adam; you just snuck up on me!”

He looked at her like she had just told him in full certainty that the answer to two plus two was ten.

Opening his mouth to say something, Hailey could see her brother mentally convince himself to stop. He just shook his head and sighed, reaching down inside of the car to grab the keys and made a move to grab some of his things.

Following his lead, Hailey grabbed the small duffle bag she had packed and followed her brother towards their room, still feeling extremely guilty with her suddenly spastic behavior.

Slipping the key into the lock, Adam pushed the door open and searched for a light. Once the dimness hit, Hailey’s mouth fell open at the condition of the room.

The carpet looked like it hadn’t been cleaned since it had been put in, the paper thin sheets looked like they had been changed ten years ago and she didn’t even want to know what the bathroom looked like. At least it had two beds.

Placing her duffle bag on the bed closest to the door, Hailey watched as her brother made himself entirely too comfortable.

“I think I saw a vending machine around the corner,” she began, shifting her weight anxiously from side to side. “So, I’m going to see if they have anything decent, do you want anything?”

Her brother shook his head from side to side, making it known that he was content laying on the beat up old bed and falling asleep.

“Okay then,” Hailey mumbled as she grabbed the key from the night stand and a handful of change from her purse before retreating from the room.

She speed walked down to the vending machines she had seen; looking over her shoulder every two seconds to make sure she was alone. Reaching them she quickly scanned the items, choosing the least offensive looking bag of chips and a chocolate bar, making a mental note to check the expiry dates on both.

This wasn’t the way that Hailey wanted to start out her summer vacation, she didn’t want to be spending the night in a motel straight out of Devil’s Rejects, she didn’t want to eat food out of a vending machine that looked older than her parents, and she sure as hell didn’t want to practically kill her and her brother because she couldn’t handle a stupid dream.

If the drive home so far had been a complete mess, Hailey couldn’t imagine what a whole summer in Arizona would be like.

Carrying her items back to the room she sighed, praying that tomorrow would be a better day.