Liplocked Lullabies

One month and twenty seven days.

One month and twenty seven days since I had gotten the scars on my face, a constant reminder of the mystical creatures in my life.

One month and twenty seven days since I had said goodbye to Andrei.

One month and twenty seven days since I had last seen Jacob.

One month and twenty seven days of being broken.

Jacob had left, long ago, and I had realized he wasn’t coming back. Probably gone forever.

The absence of Jacob had affected my life in many ways, both big and small. I would pass the Black’s house on the way to school, and see Billy out in the garden, the garage empty. Sometimes, I would see Jacob and rush up to him, ready to embrace him, only to find my arms wrapped around a complete stranger.

Even Embry seemed affected, less cheerful and mumbling things daily. Quil came over, but it wasn’t the same. There were no random bursts of laughter, or jokes that all three of them would get. There was no Jacob.

Prom had passed, with Embry taking Alicia Warsher and Quil taking her best friend Britney. I on the other hand, sat at home, watching reruns of the cowboy show I had grown to love. Midway through the marathon, I had called Emily, discussing whether or not Sheriff Darryl would get shot and the villain of the episode would win, even though he never did.

Embry had come home four hours later, his tie loose and his clothes rumpled, a silly grin plastered on his face. I was half asleep on the couch, the remote hanging from my hand.

The last day of school had come and gone, kids rushing eagerly out of the double doors of La Push High, waiting to start their sun filled summers.

Now, it was late July, and we only had one more month of summer ahead of us. It was a lazy day, the air-condition had stopped working, which left me to rely on the fan.

Embry claimed he had to run patrol, another part of his werewolf thing, which meant that he would be gone for most of the day. I just thought he wanted to get away from the heat for a while, and get out of the house.

I just sat, bored out of my mind, watching cartoons on the television. It was only when the phone rang, that my day began to change.

“Hello?” I had answered, my voice dull and already bored.

“J.C.!” The voice cooed, and I recognized it instantly.

“Natalie.” I said, my tone slightly flat. I didn’t feel like dealing with her now.

“Where have you been?!” she asked, her voice sweet and innocent. “We haven’t seen you much since school let out.”

“Oh, I’m here. You know, relaxing.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“Well, are you busy today? Craig is having a party.”

“Really.”

“Yup, and you haven’t been around the party scene much, lately.”

“Is Paige coming?”

“Yeah, she’s meeting me there.” Natalie giggled. “Wanna come?”

“I guess.”

“Okay, I’ll pick you up in twenty.”

“Mmk.”

“Bye!”

“Bye.” I hung up, going to my closet.

I hadn’t been to a party since the Craig incident, so I needed to find something nice. Deciding on a sequined skirt and purple tank top that squeezed my body together to emphasize my chest, and some knee-high boots, I was ready to go.

Just like she promised, Natalie appeared outside twenty minutes later. I shut the door behind me and climbed into her car, inhaling the familiar scent of leather and smoke.

“What the hell happened to your face?”

“Nice to see you too,” I snapped.

“I’m just saying, it looked like you got attacked.”

“I did, by my cousin’s dog.”

“That sucks.” Natalie smirked, looking suspiciously happy about my pain. “And what did you do to your hair?”

I fingered my jet-black locks absentmindedly. I had almost forgotten about my hair change.

Since Jacob was gone, I thought it was time for me to move on. Without Jacob, I could start a whole new life, my worries and crushes washing away. A new life, a new me, a new hairstyle.

I decided on black, hoping to tone down my appearance and be more like people on the reservation. The black was an obviously dyed black, not as silky and natural as the other girls’ on the reservation. I didn’t have their copper skin, or their flawless complexion, but maybe I could start with the hair.

A work in progress, I was.

Another thing I had decided to change was my almost-waist length hair. I had taken the scissors from Embry’s room and cut off most of it off, leaving it in a choppy sort of bob, touching my shoulders. It wasn’t salon style excellent, but it would do.

Natalie stared at me in horror, as though she didn’t even know me anymore. Like my personality had changed, which it had.

But it was my turn to look at Natalie in that same way. Her personality hadn’t changed, but I had outgrown her. Her comments were rude and usually harsh, her attitude immature. She was not the best friend I had grown up with. I didn’t tell her this though, and stayed mostly silent on the way to Craig’s house. There was no point.

We pulled up to the familiar house, and I felt a pang of regret. It was too late now. The music was pumping, and I could smell alcohol in the air.

Welcome home the house seemed to call, and I almost sprinted up the front steps.

Upon entering the house, I maneuvered to the kitchen, where I found the keg. Natalie stuck to my side, obviously on the look out for cute guys. Finding none, she proceeded to fill a plastic red cup with beer.

“It’s flat.” she sighed, practically sucking the liquid down anyway.

I took a sip, the foul tasting liquid felt like acid on my lips. We didn’t need to talk, it seemed that the only thing bonding us was the alcohol, and our love of parties. Or her love of parties, rather. I had changed.

“Darling, Natalie!” A rather high-pitched male voice called out, and I mentally cursed, seeing Craig weaving his way towards us.

Natalie giggled and greeted Craig, and looked at me expectantly. I just stared at him. His sloppy brown hair and scrawny figure was appalling.

How had I ever found him cute?

“Journey,” Natalie hissed, elbowing me in the ribs. Craig looked at me and let out an audible gasp.

“Journey Call?” he asked, squinting, as though he didn’t recognize me.

“Craig,” I muttered flatly.

He took in my scars, my homemade jet-black hair, my boots, my skirt and then my chest. Some things never change.

“It’s good to see you,” he nodded, not even bothering to hit on me, but instead turning his attention to Natalie, who stuck out her chest a bit.

“Nat!” A female voice called out, their voice familiar.

We all turned our attention to the honey-blonde coming towards us.

“Paige!” Natalie cooed, the same voice she used on people when she wanted them to think they were important. “You look fab-ou-lous!”

I stared at the stranger in front of me, trying to figure out if this was the same best friend I had had months before. Her blonde hair was still flowing to her waist, loose and free. Her eyes were bright green, a difference from her normal crystal blue, which meant she had contacts. Her skirt was short and leather, barely covering what needed to be covered. Her shirt was strapless, and she had high boots on.

“Who’s this?’ she asked, turning to me.

“Journey,” Natalie looked amused as she said this, "Journey Call."

“Oh shit!” Paige laughed, and my two best friends began to cackle together. “Look at you!”

I just stared at them, everything so unfamiliar.

How was I friends with them?

“Ooh!” Paige’s eyes lit up, looking over my shoulder. “Brent McLaughin and Ryan Hershey are free! Let’s go!”

She tugged at Natalie’s arm, and I was abandoned once again. Left in a world of strangers, to fend for myself.

This was how it began, as I slowly eased my way into the group of my brother’s friends. I was new, unfamiliar. And now I was close with them, spending time laughing and giggling with Emily in her kitchen while we ate blueberry muffins and watched reruns of Country Cowboy.

Everything had been reversed. I hardly even knew my old friends anymore, their ways disgusting me to no end.

“Do you want to dance?” Craig asked.

He looked at me as though I was scum. I was a leftover, an outsider to the group of partiers.

“Sure.” I said, my breathing getting heavier. Maybe that would help take my mind off of things.

We got to the dance floor, a hip-hop song playing as usual. Craig spun me around, before placing his hands on my hips and swaying.

And then his lips are on my neck, and he’s kissing and sucking and I’m looking at the door, expecting Jacob to burst through. But he doesn’t, and I can feel a hickey coming on, and then something snapped.

Jacob was back on my mind. His smile, his hair, his warmth, his large body. His wolf form, soft and understanding, yet ready to attack. And all those years admiring him from afar.

And suddenly, I felt angry at myself. For letting Jacob go. For going into denial, into a depression, thinking that Jacob would return.

The room began to get brighter, and my head was pounding, even though I only had a cup of beer. The room is swaying and everything is hot.

I can’t take it anymore.

Craig is sliding his hand up my shirt, his sweaty hands climbing up my stomach. I began to breathe heavily. I ripped away, the music still playing and bodies still gyrating together.

“Where the hell do you think you’re going?!” Craig yelled, but I was already pushing through the crowd, searching for the two people who I hated the most at the moment. He soon realized that I wasn‘t coming back. That his efforts were useless. “Bitch!”

I ignored the harsh words pouring from his mouth, and found Natalie with Ryan Hershey, pressed against the wall. They were in no rush to leave.

I ignored them, thinking that I could catch a ride with Paige. I found Paige in the other room, smoking, topless, with a group of strange people crowding her. This was not the girl I had become friends with, and I felt ashamed.

Suddenly, everyone seemed to be everywhere. The room was hot and sticky, bodies lying all over the floor. And then I ran. I couldn’t take it anymore.

I looked like an idiot in those boots and way-to-short skirt, running towards the exit.

Once I got outside, I realized it was raining. I didn’t care, and began taking off my hideous boots, throwing them on the front steps.

A souvenir for Craig.

Jacob’s face plagued my mind once again, and I took off. Away from the party. Back to La Push.

Once I had gotten onto one of the back roads, I realized how odd I must have looked. My mascara was running, my clothes soaked and I was barefoot, the cold asphalt stinging my skin. My legs were bare, the skirt barely hitting above my knees. The wind blew, and my choppy black hair began to sway slightly.

Jacob appeared in my mind, small at he age of ten. Lanky, and prepubescent. He was smiling and signing my cast in giant marker, grinning like a fool and telling me how cool it was, to be the one with a cast. I was cool.

I began crying, though I couldn’t really tell, as the rain was falling on my face as well. I didn’t even care that La Push was miles away. I would get there.

As I got further down the road I couldn’t hear the party anymore, just the rain and thunder. I looked up at the sky, full of dark, gloomy clouds, to see a crack of lightning, followed by a clap of thunder. I continued onward.

Things seemed different, though my vision was blurred. I couldn’t see houses, or even cars. It was just trees, followed by even more trees, stretching into the distance. It made me think of the forest, and all my experiences, and I began to run faster.

The image of Jacob in the forest, in his wolf form shot through my mind. Smiling and laughing with him, and sharing my feelings.

The rain was pelting on my back, coming down in sheets now, and dripping into my eyes. I blinked back the water though, my tears blending in, and continued to run. The sky was black and violent above me now, and I was starting to slow down, exhausted.

This couldn’t be safe. The sound of my breathing was hoarse in my ears, and I looked around, slowing my pace to a jog.

The road was slippery beneath me, and I prayed I wouldn’t fall.

And then Jacob entered my mind again. Another blow. He was smiling, and in the garage. He was chatting about his tools and his prized car, it was only a few months ago.

I imagined being back home, the bright lights and nicely mowed lawns, and all wooden houses.

Oh, how I wanted to go home.

My crying was more of a hysterical sobbing now, like something you only saw in movies.

I was having a breakdown, all because of an absent boy. All because of a neglected childhood. All because of abusive friends. All because of being myself.

I cried and cried, my cries slowly abating as my body began to shake, in small, soundless, almost epileptic, jerks.

The rain was still pouring. The sky still black and gray, the clouds swirling and the lightning coming closer. The thunder shook the ground beneath my feet now, but I didn’t care. I would rather die.

But then I heard it.

“Journey?” I turned around. It was Jacob.

I was dreaming. This was all a bad nightmare, and I would wake up, and Jacob would still be gone. It was his voice, rough, husky, deep and caring. He seemed real.

He was soaking wet, clad in only a pair of cutoffs.

I stared at him. He stared back.

And we stood, staring at each other, me in the middle of the road, and him at the edge of the forest.

And then he came closer, staring at me with his big sad eyes. He moved quickly, and I had almost forgotten he was a werewolf.

He was still staring, though he flinched slightly as I raised my hand up, almost like a robot, and touched his cheek.

It was hot, burning the tips of my fingers, though I refused to move them. His brown eyes traveled downwards, and ever so slowly, he took his hand and pressed it against my fingers, taking my hand in his.

His hand was hot, and warmed up my entire body which was shaking, exposed in the cold. We stood like that for a little while, neither of saying anything.

It was confirmed. He was real.

And then I began crying again.

Crying for Natalie and Paige, bad influences in my life. Crying for Emily and Sam, newfound friends. Crying for Embry, who cared a little too much. Crying for Jacob, who kept making big impacts in my life, like a meteor to the moon. Crying for myself, as I realized what all this meant.

And wordlessly, Jacob drew me towards his body, wrapping his large arms around me. He began rubbing soothing circles on my back, like I had done for him all those months ago.

“It’s alright,” Jacob murmured softly, as I buried my face into his chest, “I’m here now. Everything is going to be okay.”

As he stroked my hair, I wrapped my arms around his torso and inhaled. The sweet smell of Jacob. Musky, like the woods, but with something else.

Something special.

He was my personal sun, Jacob Black, and he was here to stay.