Let the Blood Pool, Dollface

I stood in the kitchen staring down at the man who left his family years ago. I clenched and unclenched my fists; holding myself back from beating the shit out of him.

“Jayne, it’s so great to see you.” Grant, the man who gave me life, stood up smiling. He walked to me with open arms, but I stepped out of his reach. “Come here and give your dad a hug.” He laughed trying to ease the tension.

“Fuck you!” I screamed in his face and then turned to my mom and whispered, “Screw you.”

I took Nix’s hand and ran out the door with my mom’s voice behind me, “She’ll get used to you, Grant.”

I slammed the door and stalked off to my car, “Get in.” I growled. Nix did as he was told and threw his backpack that he didn’t get the chance to take off into the back. I copied his movement and stepped on the gas, shooting back down Main St. “I can’t believe he’s back.”

“Who is?”

“That motherfucker. How dare he set foot in our house.”

“What?”

I gritted my teeth, “I wish he’d do something awful so I can turn him into the police!”

“Jaynie, who are you talking about?” Nix’s small voice broke through my angered thoughts.

I smiled gently and rubbed the back of his neck, “It doesn’t matter. You don’t know him.”

He had no emotion on his face and looked out the window. I stared at him though, taking in all of his features. He looked like Grant. Too much. His dark brown hair hanging down in his face in sloppy curls. It hovered just above his deep blue eyes and complimented his pale skin. Nix looks a lot like my mom too though; dimples, heart shaped face, kind of pointed ears. He looks like an elf, but a cute elf. I calmed down thinking about Nix. Once I’m out of this house I’m taking Nix to London; he wants to become one of those guards that never crack. Haha, he is so funny. I can tell he is going to be a troublemaker like I was growing up. I always got into some type of mischief, whether it was sneaking into R-rated movies or spray painting the walls of the gym with our rival football team’s logo. That all ended of course, because of one seriously screwed up 4 Corner Hustler. I came up to a park in the center of town and found it as the perfect place to compose some of my music and to let Nix play. We got out and as he ran to the play structure I headed for the big willow tree.

I sat and made myself comfortable against the trunk, and started to flip through my spread sheets. I made sure to keep an eye on Nix; I feel that every kid is so vulnerable, which is true, but now since after what happened in Chicago I am even more protective. I got back into my mellow mode and concentrated deeply on my notes. The sight of little squiggles on a couple of lines was always beauty to me. Makes me calm. Makes me want to hum a tune.

“No no no,” a mumble came from behind me as a hand shot forward and took my notebook from me.

I spun my head around to come face to face with Matt and Val. “Oh, hey.” I breathed.

“You okay, Jay?” Val sat down next to me looking concerned.

“Me? Yeah, you guys just scared me a little. Can I have my notebook back please?” my hand reached up to the book in Matt’s hands.

He erased and rewrote twice, and that made me uncomfortable. He doesn’t like me work? “Jimmy is wrong, Jay. You are an amazing composer. But to spice things up a bit try putting in higher notes and abrupt drops. You don’t have to if you don’t want to, it’s already fantastic as is.”

Well, that was nice of him. He tossed the book into my lap and sat down next to Val, slinging her arm around her shoulders. “So do you come here to choose your next victim? You molest?” Val snickered looking around at all the toddlers running about, “They are so cute.”

“Nah, I just brought my brother here. Why are you guys here?” I asked raising an eyebrow in suspicion; were they the molesters?

“Which one is your brother?” Matt asked.

I looked around, but couldn’t see him. My heart started to race, “Nix?” I called out. No answer. Oh God, “Nix!” I hollered louder.

“Is everything alright?” Val asked standing up with me.

I shook my head, “No, my brother…” Nix came running out behind the tic-tac-toe wall and up to me. His cheeks were flushed and his breath showed in the cold. “There you are, silly boy. Uh, this is my brother Phoenix, but we all call him Nix.”

“Oh! You are just too cute! Mattie, isn’t he adorable?” Val bent down to Nix’s height and smiled, but he retreated.

“Ewie! Girl!” he yelped jumping up and down as if he dumped his hand into a barrel of snakes.

We all laughed and Nix hugged onto my leg. Val and Matt whispered to each other like I wasn’t there, and that made me so nervous, until Val turned back around, “Come to Matt’s band practice tonight. It’ll be fun. The boys will be there.”

Somewhere in my chest my heart did a little flip. Why? I don’t know… “I wish I could, but my brother. You guys probably don’t want someone as curious as him to get into anything important. He has magnets on his hands I swear; he can’t not leave anything untouched.” I picked up my schoolbag and stuffed my notebook in while slinging it over my body, “Maybe I should just come on Friday, when I don’t have this one crawling all over me.”

Val stepped forward, “It’s okay, the guys wouldn’t mind.”

“No, it’s alright. It’s getting late anyways, and I have something to deal with at home.”

“Really, Jay, it’ll be cool.”

Matt placed a hand on her shoulder and mumbled, “If she wants to go home then let her, we don’t want to scare her off.” He smiled looking at me and nodded his head giving me the okay to leave.

“Well, alright. But tomorrow you are sitting with us at lunch, got it?” she instructed in a joking tone, but I knew she was serious.

I smiled and nodded, “Sure.” We each went our separate ways, and I felt so embarrassed walking to my car. They knew I was just giving them an excuse not to hang with them. I wanted to, but I don’t know why I wasn’t bringing myself to do so. They seem like a great group of people, but I’m too afraid. Of what? God only knows.

A silent slumber. Which is odd. Not really a slumber though. I lay in bed wide awake; I was shocked by how quiet the house was tonight. I was expecting mom and Grant to be yelling like they used to. But nothing danced into my ears. Nothing made Nix come knocking on my door with his stuffed turtle wedged under his arm asking to sleep with me. Nothing made my mom come in for a random talk to help her get to sleep. Nothing made me rush to my window to make sure no one was peering in. Nothing made me run and lock all the doors and windows like a crazed escapee. Nothing made me sleep. And I needed that sense of comfort. I need something around me to assure me the world is still in its horrible place and not suddenly all peaceful. I need someone to assure me everything will be alright but to tell me to still fear what others say not to. I need anything to assure me that chaos will never end, and that is the greatest comfort of all; anarchy.

“Jaynie?” a little head poked into my room. Alas, something that can make me sleep on this sleepless night.