Don't Worry, I'll Save You

When the bell rang after 3rd period, signaling lunch time, I was almost on my hands and knees thanking god, and I’m not a religious person. 10 more minuets of Mr. Curry droning on and on about who cares, spitting little pieces of food and salvia all the while. It made me want to vomit.

I waited until everyone was out of the classroom to meander up to the door, that way I didn’t get trampled.

“Alexandria!” Mr. Curry called as I was almost out of the door. Crap! I turned around.
“Alexandria, do you have a minuet?” He asked.
“Yes, sir.” I replied. Proper and Prim as I was told by Mother and Father. I rolled my eyes on the inside.
“Your test scores were amazing. Best out of the whole 11th grade glass.” he stated. I tried to ignore the food-and-spit torpedoes that were shooting from his mouth.
“Thank you sir.” I replied, really wanting to get to lunch, but not sure if I could eat. His un-ability to stop things from flying from his mouth suddenly made me lose my apatite.
“Now, I say this because I think you need to be challenged, Alexandria. I know it’s late in the year, but I’ve talked to Mr. Scotts about it, and we think it’d be best if you transferred to Calculus.” He said slowly and carefully like I would have trouble comprehending his words.
“Well, sir.” I started, “I’m somewhat concerned that I might not understand the work. Do you think perhaps there is a packet, or something of the sort I could look over to see if I understand?” I asked politely. “Prim and proper, be respectful.” My parents’ voices sang in my head.
“Yes. I think that can be arranged.” He informed me. “Thank you for your time, you best be getting to lunch. Have a nice day Alexandria.” He dismissed me. I nodded and fled the classroom.

The lunch room, thanks to Mr. Spits-a lot, was now full. Luckily I had lost my appetite, so I grabbed an apple and a milk and went outside into the semi-sunshine. The grayish-white concrete was now dark grey, as it had rained all day. Little beads of water lay undisturbed on the outside table-tops. All around me people were chatting, eating, messing around. A group of Freshmen girls to my left were talking bad about some innocent victim. Some senior boys with multiple facial piercings and gauges were doing tricks on their skate boards, while girls with too-tight jeans and excessive amounts of eyeliner watched. Some sophomore boys were hidden behind their video games, making weird noises as they lost.

I walked past all of them, the bitchy girls, hardcore boys, nerds. Walked past the school, the lunchroom, the teachers. Walked past it all, to the very end of campus. I felt as if there was a sudden force shield around the school, preventing me from getting out.

Then I realized it wasn’t a shield around the school, rather around my future. My future that was already pre-decided. A future that I had no choice in. It didn’t matter ,did it, that I wanted to be a counselor? That the sight of blood makes me uneasy. That being a doctor is something I didn’t want to do? I wanted to help people with emotional problems, rather than physical problems.

My parents have been paying my nursing school tuition since before I was born. So the answer is no. It didn’t matter.

I've become so numb, I can't feel you there
become so tired, so much more aware
I'm becoming this, all I want to do
is be more like me, and be less like you