You'll Never Know Just How Much I Hate You

I closed my eyes, ignoring the fact that my head was bumping and trying to ignore that my head was getting dangerously close to the broken face of Jack, my new enemy.

I was listening to Dirty Little Secret by The All-American Rejects when a thought popped into my head. When The Ass-Wipe was saying he was going to an all girls' school because he thought it was an all boys school... he had said that with me going to St. Tristan's... it seemed plausible. What did he mean by that? He couldn't possibly mean what I thought he meant, could he?

I opened my eyes and looked down at myself. I was wearing a baggy black cotton shirt that used to be Gareth's. It was far too big for me but I liked it and wore it anyway, it covered up anything anyway. It was like wearing a potato sack though, a very comfortable one, as it covered everything without showing anything off. I was wearing black fingerless gloves that looked tattered, kind of like a hobo, and big, baggy, black jeans that were Harvey's when he was fourteen. I called them my fat person pants because they could've fit two of my entire body into each leg. It was from when Harvey had gone through his skater phase. I loved them. I was wearing big, chunky black tattered Etnies that I loved to pieces, litterally. They were unisex though, nothing about them could be either male or female. I picked up a lock of my hair and I checked the ends of my hair. The ends WERE a bit split... but that was unavoidable, wasn't it?

I realized with slight horror that nothing I wore complemented my figure and I was the only one of my friends that didn't do at least ONE thing girly other tan showering every day. but even some guys did that. I know Harvey and Keith did. But Keith HAD to. Harvey was just trying to look hot for girls. I must've looked kind of... like a guy.

But, since when did I care about that? Since when did I want to be a girl? Hell! I was practically a boy! Anyways, I have boobs! And they are very obvious! You can see the poking, two lumps out of my baggy shirt. Damn him! I was NOT going to let him get into my head. I wasn't going to let him poison my thoughts. I was a girl. And I could be pretty if I tried dressing up. Well... I THINK I would be... I mean... I guess so... I mean... I had the average girl bits and I'm sure I'd clean up nice if I shaved my legs more than twice every three months and put on a bit of make up for once. Not that I owned any. What would I look like as a proper girl? I actually wouldn't know. The last time I wore a dress I was six years old. That doesn't count. I had never even worn a skirt.

For some odd reason I felt my tear ducts pricking. Was I ever going to be pretty? I had literally NEVER thought about my outward appearance before other than what style I wanted and the occasional comment from Keith, Gareth and Harvey that I was pretty. But they are my brothers. That doesn't count. They could've been lying. Maybe I was dreadfully ugly and I had never noticed before. I blinked back the tears that were threatening to fall furiously, gritting my teeth. Friggen tear-ducts. I NEVER cry! I will NEVER allow myself to cry in front of ANYONE let alone THE ASS-WIPE!

I heard a snort beside me just to see The Ass-Wipe laughing at me and I saw red. I pulled my fist back, ready to punch him in the face again but Jamie saw what was going to happen before I did. She grabbed my arm and punched ME in the face instead, Yup, that's what my friends do when I'm in a bad mood. It works. Jamie didn't make me bleed but it certainly startled me, derailing my anger.

"What's HER problem?" The Ass-Wipe snapped. Jamie glared at him and leaned over, slapping him over the head,

"What's wrong, Sam?" She asked me.

"PMSing," I mumbled, blushing as I was answering honestly. She nodded where as Jack winced and gagged. I didn't care.

I folded my arms angrily across my chest and settled down to hear I Don't Care by Apocalypitca so I told myself, I don't care! And drifted off to sleep...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I woke up to Leigh screaming in my ear.

"SAMANTHA KNOWELS IF YOU DON'T GET UP NOW I WILL TAKE YOUR TOP OFF ANDREVEAL YOUR LARGE BREASTS TO THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD!"

I punched her half-heartedly in the face and she laughed.

"It was pay-back," we both said at the same time and laughed.

I looked around to see everyone but Leigh, Jamie, Sasha and I were off the bus and I smiled glad.

We got off the bus and walked with our bags to our new room somewhere on our large school campus laughing and shoving each other, all itching to start grinding up the school on our skate boards once again. We walked into the dorm building and I couldn't help but feel edgy. There was a guy staying in here now. A guy that couldn't be trusted. A guy I knew little about other than he was a whore and an asshole.

I was no longer comfortable in my own home.