Change

“Please, Brian...” She whispered so low he had to strain his ears to hear her, and quite unsurprisingly he didn’t feel the need to make the effort. She watched quietly as he continued to grab his clothes from all over the floor and put them on, proceeding to tying his laces in complete silence.
“Please, Brian...” She repeated, this time only loud enough for him to undoubtedly hear her. Her heart jumped as his gaze focused on hers and for a split second she thought she saw some kind of softening blazing in his eyes, but it was gone as soon as it had appeared, so soon she was convinced she had imagined it.
In the blink of an eye he was by the door, in the process of heading out. Out of her room, out of her apartment, out of her building and out of her life for another unknown time being, eternity for her, until the next time he felt like coming over.

“Please don’t,” she whimpered, making one last desperate attempt at preventing him from leaving. Her eyes were cast down and her sight blurry from unshed tears and she wasn’t aware that he actually hasn’t left the room yet until she heard him sigh deeply. Her gaze shot up to meet his, but he removed it quickly.
“Don’t what, Emily?” He only looked at her for half a second, returning to inspecting her oh-so-fascinating floor. She swallowed hard, recovering from her shock that he had actually stayed, even if just for another minute or two.

She wondered about his use of her full name. He always called her that, no matter how many times she had asked him to just call her Emmy or Em, like all her other friends. Well, she got used to it in the end, and had even grown to like it, even though she hated it when anyone other than him called her that. It was just something they shared, or so she liked to think of it.

“Don’t leave-“
“Why do you even bother? You know I have to go. It’s the same way every time and you always just…” Brian interrupted her harshly, trailing off more softly.
“-Yet. Don’t leave yet,” Emily finished her sentence quietly, her gaze trailing to her lap, only daring to glance at his face for a short moment.
He looked at her almost helplessly for a few moments, seeming to contemplate his answer while staring at her face. Emily gulped nervously, dreading the rejection she knew was coming her way, just as it always did.

Finally after a long pause, Brian looked down at his feet, sighing.
“I’ll see you soon,” He whispered in farewell, exiting the room and shutting the door behind him, leaving her sitting on her bed in complete darkness, her comforter tightly wound around her torso, silent tears streaming down her face. A few moments later she could hear her front door slam, and then his car’s engine roar to life, its sound fading into the distance.

***

Days later, Emily was still hiding in her apartment, hiding from the outer world. She was still thinking about him, running over their last intercourse in her head.

After a lot of thinking, and even more tears shed, she’d come to one conclusion; if nothing more, this was definitely progress. True, it wasn’t much, but it was more than any of the previous times.

She thought of every single time he left without a word, and she just sat and watched him gather his stuff and leave, tears sliding down onto her cheeks in silence.
The first few times she didn’t even dare saying anything, just biting her tongue to keep from sobbing out loud.

She remembered how these first encounters passed without any of them getting a word out, from the moment he arrived to the moment he left her again.
After some time they got a little more comfortable, letting a word past their lips here and there, but nothing really changed. She never even managed to decide whether it was for better or for worse. Because in the end, he still left without a chance for her to argue, like the very first time.

The first time she was surprised, the second time she was even more surprised. The third time she knew what to expect. And so this went on and on, and every time it hurt even more. And every time it was more difficult to deal with. And every time was the ‘last time’. And every time it wasn’t.

***

Emily was just sitting around painting some old sketch of hers when her phone rang. She glanced at her watch quickly before setting her palette and paintbrush down carefully and wiping her hands on her jeans absentmindedly as she went to answer the phone, wondering who the hell calls her at 11 pm Friday evening.

“Emmy Flynn.”
“Emily, you’re home,” Came the only breathy response. It wasn’t a question, too, but more of a statement. But instead of feeling confused or offended, Emily simply felt relieved. She knew that voice; how could she not? She inhaled deeply and felt the blood rushing in her veins. She felt nervous, and all the same calmer than she had been in the past 8 months.
She didn’t reply, but apparently he wasn’t awaiting her response.
“I’ll be over in a quarter. Don’t go anywhere,’ He said then hung up, not giving her a chance to agree.

Emily put the phone down in a daze and sat down on her sofa. Then, not a moment later, she got up and ran upstairs to her room, standing in front of her closet and catching her breath.
Quickly eyeing up the contents of it, she pulled out some black lace lingerie and a blood red baby doll to go over it, and wore them as fast as she could, then rushing to touch up her dark make up.

The doorbell rang just as she was straightening her baby doll for the umpteenth time, and Emily took a deep breath and headed downstairs in calculated steps.
She finally reached the door and unlocked it slowly, opening it to reveal the man waiting behind it.

She had less then a second to appreciate his now shorter, ruffled jet black hair; his deep, chocolate brown eyes rounded with smeared black eyeliner; his shiny nose ring that she always liked; his masculine lips, and his muscled, buff body covered in sexy tattoos, before his lips engulfed hers in a rough, passionate kiss. He didn’t let go of her for a good few minutes, kissing her deeply, his tongue dancing and wrestling with hers, until finally they pulled away simultaneously, both in desperate need of oxygen.
“Hey,” Brian breathed, his forehead connected with hers, eyes boring into her grey ones. His hands held her face tightly from both sides and didn’t let her move.
“Hey,” Emily gasped in reply, having no idea what to say to him.

After one more moment of catching their breath and staring at each other, they reunited their lips in a desperate, needy kiss, staggering unseeingly up the stairs and into Emily’s bedroom, where Brian slammed the door shut with his foot, pushing Emily against it.

***

The moonlight shone through the poorly closed blinds, making the designs of the many tattoos covering his arms glow softly. Emily lied, silently caressing the arms wrapped around her with her gaze.

He stayed. After all this time, after all the times he simply left with not a glance back, he finally stayed. And not only had he stayed, but he was lying right behind her; her back flush against his chest, his arms secure around her, not letting her escape. Not that she’d want to, anyway.

It was all she had ever wanted, and yet, she couldn’t help but wonder what led to this.
This couldn’t possibly be a natural progression. If it was so, it would’ve surely come so much earlier.

Five years it’s been. Five years this shit has been going on for. And not a single time he showed any signs of wanting to stay longer than the act itself, let alone sleep cuddled together. So she couldn’t really blame herself for asking… Why now?

She didn’t think she had it in her, but not long after she finally found the strength to gently tear herself out of his warm embrace, careful not to wake him. She stood there and gazed at his sleeping figure for another long minute before dragging herself out the doorway.

***

Hours later, long after the sun had already come up, Emily looked up from her painting as she heard footsteps descending the stairs. A moment later Brian came to view in the kitchen doorway, bare-chested and barefoot.

“You were gone,” he announced quietly, his gaze down upon the floor, scratching the back of his neck embarrassedly.
“I couldn’t sleep,” she said matter-of-factly, setting the painting down on the table in front of her and uncurling her legs from under her, standing up and walking to the counter to turn the kettle on. She took a cup out of one of the cabinets and set it in front of her.
“How do you take it?” She asked, momentarily glancing at him over her shoulder.
“Oh, um… Very little milk, no sugar,” She heard him take a seat at the kitchen table.
When his coffee was ready she set it down in front of him, and then returned to her previous seat across from him.
“Thanks,” He said, barely audible.

She looked at him as he blew on his coffee before taking a long sip, swallowing then setting the cup back on the table. He finally lifted his gaze to meet hers, and she decided that this was as good a time as any to say what she had to say.
“Why are you here, Brian?”
His gaze fell right back to his lap, his lips in a straight line. It didn’t look like she was going to get an answer anytime soon, so she continued.
“I think I deserve to know.”
“You do,” he agreed, as if scolding himself with that fact.
“So?” She pressed on.
“Do you have any plans for today?” He looked up into her eyes, his gaze one of hope and also insecurity, which quite surprised her, to say the least. She never took him for the insecure type.
“How does that relate to anything?”
“Well, do you?”
Emily hesitated before replying.
“No, I don’t think so. Why?”
“Would you like for me to stay until the evening?” She could feel her eyes light up, but struggled to tame the joy in her response, although she really felt like singing. A moment later she scoffed at herself; He wasn’t giving her the answers she wanted – no, needed – there’s nothing to be happy about.
“I… I guess that’s fine. But why?”
“Just because.”
“Why are you being so mysterious? For Christ’s sake, can’t you just tell me?” She demanded, irritated.
“What does it matter, anyway? You want me to spend the day here with you, don’t you?”
“Yes.”
“So just stop asking questions.”
“Fine.” They stared stubbornly at each other for a few more minutes, until Brian broke the staring contest to take another sip of his coffee.
Emily picked her painting and paintbrush back up and continued from where she left off earlier when Brian had come into the room, while he finished off his coffee, both in deafening silence.

When she decided she had had enough of painting for now, she set her stuff down again and looked at Brian, who had finished his coffee long ago, and was sat watching her ever since. It made her very self conscious, but she also liked to know she fascinated him so much, so she didn’t comment.
“Well, what would you like to do?” She asked, just a hint of a smile dancing on her lips.
“You got any movies?” Brian asked, after recovering from the surprise at her seemingly sudden change of heart.
“Sure; you can go right in the living room and scan the rack and just pick out whatever you like. You want me to order some takeaway? It’s quite early, but you haven’t had anything to eat since you came last night, so I’d take a wild guess and assume you’re hungry?”
“Starving,” Brian smiled widely before heading to the living room while she picked up the phone.

***

The sun was about to set, colouring the sky with stunning shades of purples, reds and oranges. Emily gazed up at his face, tracing his breathtakingly beautiful features with her stare, and the dramatic shadows the evening light cast upon his face. His eyes were focused on the TV screen, letting her ogling go unnoticed. A moment later he smirked, and she knew he knew she was watching him; he was just letting her do it.

They were seated on her couch, his arm draped around her shoulders and her head resting on his chest, watching TV in a comfortable silence. They both just enjoyed some quiet time after the amazing day they’ve had, or at least for her it was amazing.
She went over the day in her head. She couldn’t help but smile widely thinking of their childish food fight; remembering his chasing her all over the apartment, tickling her to the point of no breathing when he finally got her; her showing him her paintings; the both of them just listening to music on full volume, being silly; and last but not least, their few sex sessions during the day.

“What are you smiling about?” Brian’s voice shook her out of her daze, and she looked up at his face from where she had been staring at window to see she had his full attention now.
“Just thinking about how great this day was,” She replied joyfully. Brian smiled at her for another few seconds, and then his smile seemed to drop along with his gaze.
“What is it?” Emily asked, alarmed.
“I... I have to go now,” Brian sighed deeply.
“What?! What the fuck, Brian?” She tore herself away from him and moved back on the couch, scrutinizing his face for any sign of… Anything, actually.
He looked back up at her, and her breath hitched as she was taken aback from the amount of sadness, pain and regret showing in his deep chocolate brown eyes.
“What is it, Brian?” She asked quietly. She couldn’t yell at him when she saw how pained he looked, no matter how hurt she was herself.
“We’re getting married.”
Pictures flashed through her mind in headspinning speed; she saw Michelle’s face smiling smugly, mocking her. She saw Brian and Michelle kissing, cuddling, attached to each other. She pictured Brian in a black tux, standing at the altar next to Michelle dressed in a beautiful bride gown, her eyes gleaming with satisfaction.
Emily struggled for breath, she felt her airways closing and all she could get out was a breathy, “When?”
“Next month,” Brian looked down, seeming like he wanted to bury himself. Not that he didn’t deserve it, too.
Emily fell silent as suddenly everything seemed to fall into place.
The reason he stayed, the reason he opened up to her, the reason he cared. The reason he seemed to try and make the most out of their time together.
He was saying goodbye.

Keeping her silence, Emily got up off the couch and walked to the door, opening it up and standing beside it, staring at the floor, as she heard his footsteps coming closer as he stood next to her.
“I’m so sorry, Em,” He whispered after a few moments, his hand going to her cheek, but she stopped him, and looked up in his eyes that were still full of sorrow.
“Call me Emily.”
Brian stared at her bewildered for another long minute, before stepping out the door and turning back to look at her.
“See you around, Emily.”
“You won’t,” She promised as she closed the door after him.

***

A few days later, Emily sat down on one of the many boxes scattered around her apartment, holding a fancy looking envelope she received in the mail this morning. She tore it up and dug the letter out, only to find out it was made of the same expensive paper.
She turned it and read it once, than stood up and set it on the kitchen counter, seeing as pretty much all the other furniture was already on its way.

Emily looked over her apartment once more, before picking up the first box and carrying it down the stairs leading to the entrance of the building and loading it into a truck waiting there.
It didn’t take her all that long to have all the boxes loaded up and ready on the truck, and she was on her way. All the other furniture was already taken the day before, and that was the last time she left the apartment.
She sighed heavily as she turned onto the highway, glancing at herself for a moment in the rearview mirror.

After 5 years, it was time for a change.