Be Somewhere

The street lamps made the night surreal as Ricky's father drove onwards through the twisted back country roads. They would be out at the house soon, his fathers house. Ricky couldn't bear to think of the memories that had been made there, and the silence wasn't helping him block out the thoughts that were threatening to invade his head.

“Can I put on some music?” He asked quietly.

“Sure sweetie, put on anything you like,” His father beamed at him with a self satisfactory smile. Ricky had never been more tempted in his life to grab the steering wheel and turn into a corn field. Somehow, Ricky felt that none of his wildest dreams would come true if he got in a car crash and miraculously killed his father. He was almost sure that it would end up going negatively for him.

Something along the lines of a first degree murder charge.

“What CD's do you have?” he murmured meekly.

“I got a thing to hook up to your iPod honey,” He smiled innocently, “isn't that nice?” Ricky nodded before removing the device from his pocket. He slid it into the dock and chose a song that he knew his father would hate. One that also would, with any luck, get his father out of the mood. The Nobodies by Marilyn Manson started to fill the car. Ricky watched with subtle amusement as his father's body visibly clenched.

“Fear the nobodies
Wanna be Somebody's
We're dead,
We know just who we are

We are the nobodies
Wanna be Somebody's
We're dead,
We know just who we are,” he sang along loudly to the music, as loud as he could.

“You really do have a very beautiful voice Ricky, maybe we should get you into singing lessons.”

Ricky glared at his fathers indifference to his song choice. he searched on through every single song he owned and sighed in exasperation when he couldn't find anything suitable. Then it occurred to him how much his dfather hated electronic music... and screamo or emo. All of the sudden he had the perfect solution.

Breathe Carolina.

“Hide in your eyes
Dancing in the bright lights
Take out the knife
Oh this brush just doesn't feel right
Hiding your eyes
Mirrors tell the worst lies
Cover it up,” He sang to this music even louder then he had the first song. He watched as his father shook his head with disgust. Ricky turned up the volume louder. Ricky watched as his father bit his lip to keep from saying something he would regret.

“Are you sure you want to listen to this music, honey?” Ricky assessed his father's reaction when he changed the song to Velvet. He shuddered.

“I've never been more sure of anything in my life.”

There was still another half an hour to the car ride and Ricky was starting to enjoy himself. His father was getting more uncomfortable by the moment and it was obvious. Ricky stared to smirk as he sang the music louder still.

~----------------~

There wasn't very much time left before they would reach the house. Ricky could see the lights from where they were. He changed the song again and didn't sing the words to this one, he wanted the meaning to sink into his father.

”A constant red on for days and days
I see those lights reflected on your face
Everything can change the the moment that you blink,
But i don't mind

So if you wanna come in then come in
Disintegrate into me tonight
And if you wanna give in then give in
Anything that you feel is right

Even if this chemistry's catastrophe
I don't give a fuck (I.D.G.A.F.)
If you wanna taste then take a bite right out of me
I don't give a fuck (I.D.G.A.F.)

Freezing time like a strobe on you
Breathing in electronic fumes
We've made our minds and we've made our bed,
So lets sink in

So if you wanna come in then come in
Disappear into me tonight
And if you wanna give in then give in
Anything that you feel is right

Even if this chemistry's catastrophe
I don't give a fuck (I.D.G.A.F.)
If you wanna taste then take a bite right out of me
I don't give a fuck (I.D.G.A.F.)

We're not built to last, shatter like glass, so come on, come on
I don't give a fuck (I.D.G.A.F.)
I cant remember anything, like what's your name?
I don't give a fuck (I.D.G.A.F.)”

The car was maneuvered into the driveway and Ricky watched as his father clenched his jaw.

“I think that that's enough music for now,” His father whispered as he paused the music. Ricky slid his iPod back into his pocket and got out of the car. How could a place that looked and smelt this good contain something that would eat your soul alive?

Ricky was only given a moment for contemplation before his father had him pinned between the car and his body. Ricky pushed him back, or tried to, but his father stood resolute and refused to move. Ricky whimpered as another kiss found itself scraping against his lips again.

“It won't hurt, I promise.” Ricky felt his arm being tugged on as he was pulled through the front door of the house. His father had promised to nt hurt him before... Ricky thought back on what that had meant. There was permanent damage... physically, mentally, emotionally. How did this not hurt him? How could his father do that to him?

Ricky wrenched his arm out of his fathers grasp. The older man looked at him; dumbfounded. If Ricky had taken off running, that would have made sense, but he just stood there.

“Don't lie to me and say it won't hurt,” Ricky hissed, “If there's one thing I hate in this world, its liars. If you're going to stick your dick up my ass then at least have the common courtesy to tell me that it's going to hurt like a bitch.” His father stared at him for a few moments longer.

“Yes...” He replied slowly, “It's going to hurt.”

“Thank you.”

Without another word Ricky grabbed his father's hand and let himself be led upstairs through the well known route of the house to the bedroom. Ricky winced when entering it for the first time in a while. It still held every single memory that he had avoided for seven years.

They all seemed to welcome him back and maliciously begged him to make more. He however was not so fond of them or their ideas.

“Can we talk for a while first?” Ricky's father eyed him suspiciously. “Please... Daddy.” With the flicker of pride in the man's eyes, he could tell that he had won. Was safe. Even if it was only for half an hour.