Be Somewhere

Danny cringed as the music pounding in his ears started to increase its volume. He couldn't even hear what Brad was saying to him and they were standing right next to each other. The reason for why people would have the music that loud was beyond his understanding, but a druggie party wasn't really in the range of his mind anyways.

Desperately, his eyes searched for Ricky's face, only to have his efforts remain unrewarded. A hand slipped into his own and gripped his fingers tightly. Everyone there stared at them as they fought their way through the never ending crowd.

The hazy smoke was saturating their senses and starting to make them feel lightheaded. Too many people were here; the air reeked of marijuana smoke and sweat. People were hanging off of one another and dripping on the ground.

Then they heard it.

It was halfway between squealing laughter and a tortured sob; and they recognized it instantly as Ricky's. They shoved countless people aside and finally found him sitting on the cliffs with his feet dangling over the edge. Brad tapped his shoulder softly and cringed when wet eyes returned his concern gaze.

“It should have been me,” Ricky sobbed. With a shrug of his shoulders in a 'what do I do?' fashion, Brad turned to face Danny's shocked frame. It took quite a bit of pushing to make Ricky break, and usually he followed his breakdown with quite a stupid stunt.

“I should go,” Ricky whispered as he looked out over the cliffs. He inched himself towards the precipice but stopped when he reached the very edge. Danny watched him with frightened eyes, but was too afraid to move. “Why can't I do it? Just finish it and be done with it?” He wailed to his friends.

“Maybe you know that that isn't what she wanted from you,” Brad whispered in reply. “Maybe you want to honor her life by proving that she didn't die in vain? Maybe you want to make it so that no one ever has to suffer what you two suffered through?”

Glazed eyes rose to met his and Brad couldn't help but cringe again. He looked so lost and hopeless. There was something about the way he stared at them without any emotion whatsoever; like he hadn't seen the sun in weeks and was dying: fragile and cold.

“I'm leaving, anyway,” He chuckled. “I might as well make it permanent.” Danny realized what he was saying a second before Brad did and lunged to catch his arm. “Let go of me!” Ricky screeched at him. His only reply was a firm shake of the head.

“I don't care if you hate me right now, or even if you hate me for the next ten years... as long as you're still around to glare at me for all the rest of those years.”

Ricky started to shake his head as more tears cascaded down his already soaked face. Slowly, he pulled himself away from the edge of the cliff and brought his knees into his chest. They leaned down next to him while exchanging worried glances.

“Please promise me that you'll at least try?” Brad pleaded.

“What's the use?” Ricky asked; calm for the first time since they had seen him that night. “If I don't die now, I'll die later. At least if I go right now I won't have to deal with this anymore.”

Slowly, Danny raised his arms to wrap Ricky in a tight hug. The sobbing boy accepted his embrace and slunk down; calmly leaning against his shoulder. The head-splitting music changed songs and Danny couldn't help but marvel at the irony of what was playing.

“Well if you wanted honesty, that's all you had to say.
I never want to let you down or have you go, it's better off this way.
For all the dirty looks, the photographs your boyfriend took,
Remember when you broke your foot from jumping out the second floor?”

Ricky's shoulders started to shake again and Danny rubbed his back. The boy pulled back and Danny was shocked to find that the boy's eyeliner smeared face wasn't releasing tears again; but laughter.

“Irony at its finest, eh boys?” Ricky asked with a sad smirk on his lips. It was rare that he would actually smile; it always seemed that he was wearing either a smirk or a cheeky grin. Brad helped pull Danny to his feet first; and then they both dragged Ricky into a standing position.

“Promise me that you'll try to make it,” Danny insisted. Sighing, Ricky nodded his head reluctantly. “None of this head-signal bullshit. I want a verbal confirmation that you will try. Aggie wanted better for you when she was alive and I'm pretty damned sure that she'd still want it even though she's gone.”

“I promise that I'll try to make it,” Ricky whispered as tears started to stream down his cheeks again at the mention of his sister's name. He leaned on his two friends as they helped him out of the party. People stared, but they usually did.

“We don't belong here,” Brad murmured as the people's stares intensified to glares. A few fists clenched and he gulped as a few took steps towards them. “We don't belong here,” he repeated more fervently.

“No, we don't, “ Ricky replied calmly. “But they had to fake it to get here; so what makes you think they do either?”