Be Somewhere

A broken rib had punctured his lung. Ricky found it hard to believe that Richard would be so careless; he had kicked him so hard that a social worker had been called. There were only two rules that went in this household; don't actually kill one another and don't rat on each other. If Richard didn't watch himself; Ricky might be forced into the breaking the second rule without any will of his own being involved.

Ricky had it better than Danny.

Everything went for his father and nothing went for him.

Ricky shook his head; he didn't understand Danny's logic in staying there. And he really didn't understand why Danny wouldn't let him at least threaten his father like he had done with Brad's. It may not have stopped what was happening completely, but at the very least the circumstances had improved. Even if Ricky was now considered a psychopath by the social worker/psychologist he was told to see after his "fall".

"Ricky, you burned down a church when you were seven... care to explain?"

"No."

"Do you care to explain anything you've ever done?"

"I don't explain, offering explanations is offering an excuse. If you have to excuse it then you're sorry. I regret nothing."

The stare Dr. Marques received was calm and calculating, much like he was accessing a foe; a worthy opponent. But the smirk on his lips suggested otherwise. Ricky watched him carefully, never letting his guard down. But he never looked at his therapist like he was a risk, because to Ricky; he wasn't.

"What plans do you have for the future?" Ricky started to laugh hysterically. Between giggles he managed to reply,

"I'm suicidal, you moron. I'm not planning for the future." He continued to laugh as Dr. Marques stared at him.

"You are openly admitting that you're suicidal?"

"I jumped out my window. It's not exactly a secret."

Ricky did many things that proved him to be suicidal. He had looked up a list of the signs of suicide, he had too many of them to be considered normal.

* Previous suicide attempts, “mini-attempts”.

check

* Explicit statements of suicidal ideation or feelings.

check

* Development of suicidal plan, acquiring the means, “rehearsal” behavior, setting a time for the attempt.

check

* Self-inflicted injuries, such as cuts, burns, or head banging.

check

* Reckless behavior. (Besides suicide, other leading causes of death among young people in New York City are homicide, accidents, drug overdose, and AIDS.) Unexplained accidents among children and the elderly.

check

* Making out a will or giving away favorite possessions.

everything goes to Danny and Brad... check

* Inappropriately saying goodbye.

check

* Verbal behavior that is ambiguous or indirect: “I'm going away on a real long trip.”, “You won't have to worry about me anymore.”, “I want to go to sleep and never wake up.”, “I'm so depressed, I just can't go on.”, “Does God punish suicides?”, “Voices are telling me to do bad things.”, requests for euthanasia information, inappropriate joking, stories or essays on morbid themes.

check

"Ricky, why are you smiling? Suicide isn't a joke."

"Maybe not, but the idea of life is."

"Why are you so morbid? I really must ask?" He had had patients that were frustrating; but never this much. They would tell lies, be cryptic, but not very many flat out refused to answer any of his questions.

"Because god decided he wanted to make me this way."

"You believe in God?"

"Sure, he's the guy who invented sadism."

"And heaven?"

"I don't believe in heaven and hell beyond what we live in our daily lives; I think we experience both. Heaven is our dreams and hell is our waking hours."

"It says you get night terrors when you sleep... when do you get your heaven?"

"I don't. Do you see why I want to die?"

"I think we're done here Ricky... I'll see you next week."

"Don't lie to me Doc. I can tell when people are lying."

~------------------------------------------------------------------------------~

Dr. Marques couldn't help but wonder what he had meant by that last remark.

"Don't lie to me Doc. I can tell when people are lying."

Did he mean that he had been lied to so much that he could tell when people were lying? Did he mean that he knew Dr. Marques had been considering switching him to a more experienced therapist? Or did he mean that he would be dead by then?

The options weren't endless. They were very limited, and even then Dr. Marques never even thought of the one Ricky had been thinking of. That was until he saw the headline for the paper next week.

'RICKY BOFANTE AND TUCKER FREDERICK MISSING. PRESUMED DEAD.'

The town they were from wasn't very large, and the wilderness was practically non existent. No remains had been found. After weeks of searching it was assumed that the boys had jumped in the river and had been carried out to the nearby California coast.

That was until Dr. Marques received a tape of Ricky Bofante's last moments.