Everything Is Just...Blank.

“Can’t Joe come?” I asked my mom. “Sorry Sweetie, just family tonight. It’s our last meal before everyone goes their way.” My mom said dialing for a reservation. I was scared to be away from Joe. He was in the other room with everyone still and I didn’t know how I’d be alone, away from him.

“And plus, if you brought Joe Josh would want to bring someone, then so would the other boys and I’m not dealing with a big going away party tonight Kerstin. One night won’t do any harm.” I felt bad for asking almost immediately. “Okay sorry.” I said but she already started talking to who ever was on the other line.

I walked back into the room and Demi and Joe were rehearsing a scene. “Where’d Josh go?” I asked Nick. “He always leaves when they do a scene.” He said shrugging. “Does he have any talent?” I asked and Nick laughed at first but then realized I was serious. “Sorry, but yea. He has a band going with his friends, they’re pretty good. They’re going on Warp Tour this summer so he’s been excited.” “I wonder why he’s not into Disney….” “You aren’t.” Nick said and I looked at him, “But I’m-“ “You’re not signed with Disney, they asked you to do this for a favor. Here come with me.” He said grabbing my hand and pulling me out of the room. II felt shock go up my arm and it disappeared.

“In here.” Nick said opening a door. My jaw dropped. It was filled with movie posters with my face, letters of thanks from different actors and directors, a shelving unit filled with awards from a Grammy to Kids Choice, and my films set on display. There were so many. “No way.” I said shocked. “Yes way. You’re pretty amazing Kers.” I smiled and walked over to the letters and smiled at one from Nick, at age 12. “What’s this?” I asked him. “Ugh. I asked you to burn that.” He said and I giggled. “It’s a letter thanking you for inspiration.” “Aw that’s so nice!” I said. He signed it Always and Forever Nick. I smiled and turned to face him, “Your welcome” I said and he rolled his eyes. The door swung open and there was Joe. “Nick time to go, Kers your mom says to get ready.” “Okay” I said passing by the two brothers with a new bounce in my step. “Why are you so happy?” Joe asked laughing. “Cause I just found out, I’m a kick ass actress.” I said and he laughed. “Real modest to huh Nick?” But Nick wasn’t there.

I found a list tapped to my mirror, but had no idea who had written it.

1.Be who they want.
2.Dress nicely in public…paparazzi are not your friend.
3.Always smile, if you frown they’ll know something’s wrong.
4.This isn’t just a dream, it’s real life. Live it.
5.Everything happened for a reason.
6.Please everyone…remember it’s not about you.
7.Never question. Go with the flow, easier to work with.
8.Always be greatful, never complain. It could be worse.
9.When you figure it out, remember…love never works.
10.Your problems are nothing compared to others.

I wonder who wrote that. It’s sad. You’re supposed to be who you want right? Why would anyone tape that on my mirror?? A knock broke my train thought, “Kers?” It was Mark. All of the sudden I got nervous and my only memory of him came flooding back to me. “Kers?” He asked again. “Yea?” I quietly called back.

Then the door opened and I backed up a bit. “Mom said we’re leaving in like twenty so hurry up.” “Okay,” I said and he starred, “You okay?” He asked. I nodded yes. “Did Joe say something again?” He asked. “Again?” I asked. “I forgot you don’t remember. Joe just like to say things to get you mad at me.” I starred at him confused. “Why?” I asked not really believing him. “I don’t know, I always just thought he was immature. I think its because he knows I get annoyed he hangs around you.” “Why do you et annoyed?” I asked while starting to put on my make up. “Because he’s closer to my age then yours. I just think it’s weird.” “Well he’s my best friend Mark, he isn’t just going to disappear.” I said. He opened his mouth to retaliate but then left. “What is going on here?” I asked myself in the mirror.

An hour later and I was sitting a table with my family feeling awkward. I was dressed nicely like the list said, kept a smile on my face and laughed at the funny jokes my brothers were saying. But when they started to talk about other things my mind began to drift. I looked around the room at the different people…they all have different memories they cherish. Mine? Gone.

I began studying my hands, memorizing every detail…the freckle on my left palm, my nails weren’t bitten and painted a light shade of pink. Then I noticed the scars. I caught my breath and starred at the horizontal marks. That explains all the long sleeves I own.

“Kers?” “Yea?” I asked snapping my head up and pulling down the sleeve. “You alright?” Josh asked and I smiled and nodded. “Okay Joe and Demi want to know if we wanna meet up at the Jonas’s for a party tonight?” He asked making sure our mom couldn’t hear. I laughed and then nodded, “Yea…can I drive?” I asked and he shook his head no. “How do we-” “I’ll take care of it.” He said and I laughed at his confident look.