Love at First Class

Chapter 13: officially hot topic:

Monday. I had agreed to meet Anna and Alex at the entrance, I sighed as I walked nearer and near-er. They stood against the wall; some students passed by and greeted them. I walked up to them, and stood against the wall too. I looked around, everything was so horribly familiar. Everything was poisoned by Mick, and his arms around me, threatening to strangle me. I looked at the ground; this might just be too much.
“Sonea you okay?” Alex asked concerned.
“Yeah totally” I faked a smile; I could see that neither Anna nor Alex was buying it.
Just as I had said that, a group of students passed by, some of them muttering. A girl with brown curly hair stopped, she looked at me, then she hugged me. I stood there in total shock.
“I’m so sorry Sonea!”
“It’s okay…Whitney right?”
“Yes” she nodded in a small response. Then she walked away with her friends, they kept on looking back, and waved as they went through the door. I looked at Anna. “What was that?” I merely asked.
“Let me fill you in on all the new gossip” she said putting a hand on my shoulder. “Guess what Christine’s boyfriend snogged some other guy at the party” she giggled. Alex made a disapproving sound.
“Okay, okay” she said, then looked me directly in the eyes. “Some of the girls saw what Mick was trying to do to you, they ran for help, they didn’t see you and Alex on the ground…” she paused. I looked at Alex standing behind her looking at me, I blushed deeply, and it seemed like he did as well. “So now the whole school knows” she finished, it felt like I got ice-cold water poured over me. I woke up instantly, from a trance I had been, in since I came.
“WHAT?!” I shrieked
“Please Sonea I tried but the rumor had already spread too far” Anna pleaded.
“What so the whole school knows…was that why Whitney were acting so strange?!” I seemed to be unable to calm down.
“I told you she wouldn’t be able to calm down when you’d said it” Alex murmured to Anna.
“Guess you’re right” Anna said, then looked at him, and held down a giggle.
“Sonea calm down, they know, so what? I mean you will still be hanging out with Anna. That will not change, besides soon new rumors will come, and yours will be forgotten” Alex said, then looked at his watch. “Ups we’ve gotta go, see you around, and Sonea calm down”
“I am calm” I said dismissingly then smiled and waved as he walked on.
Anna sighed loudly and dramatically, I backed away a step or two in shock, she never sighed, Anna was already on her way to class. We could still see, the figure of Alex walking further away. “Cute butt” she said tilting her head a little, as if to get a better view. I dragged her along, and tried to make her focus on something else. “Anna look away, seriously stop looking at his butt”
“Just saying”

The hallways were better for me to be in; they didn’t constantly remind me of Mick. The gym did, luckily we didn’t have to go there today. But every time I saw it, it made my stomach flop over, and it hurt all over my body. Then there were the very uncomfortable conversation with the school counselor, he was usually really cool, but this time he made me cry. He kept on asking if I was okay, at first I kept on repeating yes over and over. Then suddenly my voice broke over into a sobbing no. I wasn’t okay, how could I be? Then he asked if I wanted to go home, and I thanked and said yes. Normally I would have said no, but I just felt like shit, walking around, and people gossiping all around me. So he called my dad, who was on work, then I told him I’d just take the bus.
The grass was green and the sky was blue, birds singing around me. Normally I would enjoy the weather and the sounds, but today I ran, I ran away from the sound of happy birds, I ran from the green grass. I only stopped when I was at the buss-stop, it wasn’t that long away, but I ran anyway. The bus would come in fifteen minutes, plenty of time, but I ran. I cried, I think I was finally over the shock, and could now cry, besides I can only cry when no ones there. If people ever saw me cry, well I don’t know what I would do; the thought is just too weird for me. I looked at my white t-shirt, and sighed. Great just what I needed, it was stained in black spots where my mascara mixed with tears had landed. I knew my face would be a mess, my hands shook and my eyes were sore.
The sound of a vehicle stopping behind me, made me turn around expecting it to be the bus. But instead I gasped and turned around; it was Alex’s red car. I quickly decided to give the impression that I was doing something, while I had my back turned to the car.
Alex could of all people NOT see me cry, it would be different if it was my mom or Anna, but Alex no. The sound of the electrical windows sliding down made me jump.
“What are you doing here?” Alex voice called.
“I’m waiting for the buss” I tried to calm my voice, so it wouldn’t break. Alex had seen me cry be-fore, but this time it was different. I had never cried so violently, it seemed like there was no end to the falling tears, even as I spoke I felt tears falling and forming in my eyes. This time my shirt was ruined too, and my make-up all over the place, and I wasn’t drunk so that wasn’t even an excuse. It felt different too, I didn’t know why, but it was different.
“Are you going home?” Alex called surprised and worried.
“Yeah my head hurts” I lied, now getting better at it, I hoped he would buy it.
“Well let me drive you home then, I’m off for today anyway” Alex said, and the sound of a opening car door made me very nervous. There were no footsteps, so I guessed he had opened not his door, but the one to my usual seat.
“I can’t my dad’s picking me up” I tried to say, but my damned voice broke halfway, and made me sound squeaky.
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah I’m totally fine” I controlled my voice enough to say.
“Then why is your back turned to me, and…your hands shaking so violently?” he asked pausing, I knew what his face would look like, worried and confused.
“My hand hurts, and I like the smell of new cut grass coming from the garden right here” I pointed, and as I did so I caught a black tear dropping from my face. My white sleeve seemed to absorb it quickly.
“That’s a lie Sonea” I heard the car door open and close, and footsteps on the pavement where I stood. He was next to me, and I immediately backed away and turned my back to him again.
“Sonea…what’s the matter with you, you are acting very weird” Alex sounded unhappy.
“Nothing is wrong, I’m just you know waiting for my dad”
“Yeah so why can’t you look at me, I mean why are you turning your back on me”
“I’m not!”
“Yeah you are…if you aren’t, then turn around”
“I…” was all I managed. The bus came into view, and crept closer.
“You were waiting for the bus, right?” Alex sighed unhappily. The bus was now stopping; I turned my head so the bus driver could see me, and signaled that he didn’t need to stop. His eyes widened as he saw my face, which was probably looking pretty panda-like, but he drove on.
“No see? I’m waiting for my dad”
“Sonea please stop making excuses” Alex whispered, but he knew I could hear him. I didn’t know why, but it made my stomach flip.
“What?” I asked, but I had heard his question.
“What is wrong?!” he almost yelled. I was shocked and almost turned around, but reminded myself not to in the last second. Something grabbed my wrist and pulled me backwards. I knew it was Alex, and walked backwards, not turning around. His arms suddenly around me, holding me against him, I could feel every breath he was taking. His arms folded over my arms, his hands folded and in front of me.
“Sonea tell me what’s wrong” Alex said, almost sounding as if he was giving up. More tears fell from my eyes, and one of them landed on Alex’s hand. I had feared this, but I kept calm.
“Alex please let me go, my dad will be here any minute now” I said as calm as I could.
“Your dad isn’t coming, and the bus is gone”
“Please let me go” I was starting to break.
“Okay” Alex simply said, and let me go. It wasn’t what I had expected, but I stepped a couple of steps forward.
“Sonea are you crying?” Alex asked, and I guessed he had found the tear I dropped on him.
“What no!” I gasped in surprise. It was, in a way kinda ironic, I drop all those black-mascara-tears on my shirt, and they float down my face as a river, and stripe me black under my eyes. Then I drop one tear on Alex, he questions me, and I break down right there. I didn’t exactly break down; I just started running, crying more violently, and this time not even bothering to hide my loud sobs. I just wanted to make the pain go away, I ran down the street. But before I could get away, Alex caught me and pulled me towards him. I couldn’t help it, I cried very loudly; sometimes it sounded more like screaming. He turned me around, I didn’t protest this time, I just looked at the ground. I didn’t want to see his face when he saw mine. A half choked noise made me look up, I saw Alex with a pained expression, looking at me, while tears streamed down my face. I looked down to see my shirt was getting more and more stained by the second.
“Sonea I…” Alex tried but his voice couldn’t bring out the words.
“Its okay” I sobbed. My hands shook, and so did the rest of my body. That was when the first rain-drops fell onto my warm cheeks I saw the weather had changed. It was now very grey, and dark, the blue sky was gone.
“I ‘m cold” I sobbed.
“Let’s go” Alex put a hand on my shoulder, and led me to his car. I got in, and so did he. He watch-ed my every move, when I looked away I could feel his eyes on me.
“Stop looking at me” I whispered looking out the window.
“I…I’m just…” I had never experienced Alex being without words.
“Just drive please” I couldn’t take this, the pain was killing me, and in all of that I was tired too. I yawned, and sighed. Alex drove, that was the first time we drove in silence, and it was painful. I knew Alex didn’t like it either, but he didn’t know what to do, and I didn’t blame him, I didn’t either.
The car stopped outside the apartments where Alex lived, I got out, and watched as Alex did so too. He led the way, and I followed, hugging my arms around myself, now both rain and tears falling. It was freezing on my skin, the rain was heavy and like bullets. Digging into my skin, wherever it hit, it would destroy. I felt weightless for a moment, and snapped out of my thoughts. The elevator had started, I looked at the floor, I had dropped black tears there, barely visible but shining in the light from above. How much more could I cry? And had I any mascara left? I had a lot on my shirt and probably a lot on my face. The elevator stopped and Alex led me to the so well known door.
“Sonea just go inside” Alex said looking at me, maybe because I just stood there staring. I got inside and threw my shoes off, and blushed, not a good day to wear my ugly childish Pokémon socks. I didn’t know what to do with myself, so I just stood there. Alex got in threw off his jacket, didn’t notice that before, it was black. Then he walked halfway to the couch, then remembered me, and looked at me. I stupidly tried to say something, but my voice was gone, so all that came out was a weird half choked sob. I blushed at my stupidity and concentrated on the floor.
It seemed like ages, I stood there, feeling how fresh tears floated over the dried ones. The new tears were clear, the mascara had dried to my face, and I could feel it every time my face made a new emotion.
“Sonea?” a voice called. I snapped my head up, to see Alex moving slowly closer.
“Yeah” I croaked and turned my back to him again.
“Please don’t do that again?” Alex begged.
“I don’t feel comfortable; I mean I don’t want you to see this…okay?” I whispered, hugging my arms around myself again.
“I want to help” Alex explained.
“I don’t see how you can help me” there was an uncomfortable silence where I tried to control my breathing, and tried not sob out loud. The rain drummed against the window, and Alex stood in the middle of the room. Then suddenly my legs snapped from under me, and I sat on the floor, I couldn’t suppress my crying. Sitting there in all of the shoes, just crying, was not a feeling I wanted back. Alex was naturally sitting there next to me, he tried desperately to comfort me, but without luck. I just couldn’t stop crying, on top of that everything seemed to blur for me. I grew tired, but I still couldn’t stop crying. I sat like that for about half an hour, then Alex got me on my legs, and made me follow him to the couch. I immediately grabbed a blanket, and lay down on the couch. Alex let me sit, and walked to the kitchen, he came back with two mugs of tea. I was slowly stop-ping the constant crying; it seemed I had run out of tears.
The tea was not strong, and with sugar, and VERY hot. I had burned my tongue, the first times I tried it. Alex hat sat down on the couch too, and I had folded my legs up against my chest and sat with my head resting on my knees. My eyes were sore, and my throat hurt a lot.
“So a stupid question; but why were you crying?” Alex asked nervously, he was probably afraid I would start again.
“I would really like to not talk about it” I whispered.
“Sonea you are not the kind of person who cries, and then you suddenly start, I mean…well you know what I mean, this is not like you. I know that it of course is because of Mick, I just want to know if there is more” Alex tried again very nervously.
“I’ve had nightmares about him, and the school just reminds me of him” I merely said, pulling the blankets closer.
“Oh” Alex stuttered. He clearly hadn’t expected me to say anything, and was trying to find comforting words.
“My mom thinks that I have this special gift, of seeing only the positive things in life, and so I don’t want her to see me cry” I said randomly, Alex looked at me, lost for words. I stared back, suddenly jawing loudly, and after that blushing deeply. I remembered that I had dried makeup all over the place, and I slowly got up, and walked to the bathroom. I won’t even start to describe how horrible I looked; I looked like I was dead, but somehow alive. I cleaned my face, and looked at my shirt, it couldn’t be cleaned of. I walked back to the couch, to find Alex smiling at me, I gave a small smile. Alex had looked tired; he had sighed and rubbed his eyes, before leaning back in the couch. It wasn’t intended, but it only took a few seconds before I fell asleep.