Happy.

As soon as the door had shut behind Alex, Vicky and Dan both ran over to me. "What happened!?" Vicky asked, her voice higher than usual. I tried to take a step towards the living room, but my legs collapsed under me and I fell to the floor. But I barely noticed it had even happened. I was numb, I was confused, I was heartbroken. "Luke!" Vicky shouted, drawing me out of my head. I turned and looked at her.
"He left me..." I said and I saw sadness cloud Vicky's features. "He...said we weren't working anymore..." I looked up at Vicky desperately. "I don’t understand, Vicky. I-I thought...I mean...I thought he..."
"I know," she whispered as she crouched down next to me and stroked my hair out of my face.
"I loved him," I whispered.
"I know, sweetie," she said, taking me into a tight embrace. "And I'm so sorry."
"I...I just don't understand..." I said again, shaking my head. I thought we had been perfect. I thought Alex loved me in the same way I loved him.
"Maybe it was something to do with his record deal," Dan suggested, speaking up for the first time. I looked up at him and nodded. Yeah, that was probably it. He probably knew now that tons of people – guys and girls – would be throwing themselves on him. And he probably wanted that, and didn't want to feel guilty because of me if anything happened with any of them. He wanted to be single so he could sleep with his fans. Tears pooled in my eyes. I pulled out of Vicky's arms and ran to my room, slamming the door and locking it behind me. I went over to my bed and sat on the edge. I didn't want to look at this bed, the first place Alex and I had been together. I didn't want to think of that time. It had been special to me, but God only knows what Alex had thought about it. He probably thought it was just another fuck. I suddenly felt dirty, knowing that he had just wanted to sleep with me...that he didn't really love me...or even like me.

I quickly went through to my bathroom and had a long, scolding hot shower, practically burning off the top layer of skin, the layer that Alex had touched. I wanted to pretend that he hadn’t buried himself deeper, but I knew he had. It was a shame I couldn’t wash him out of my heart...

Once I got back into my room, I saw a note on my bed. I frowned and picked it up, it read, 'We've gone home, we wanted to give you some space. He doesn’t deserve you, sweetie. Vicky and Dan x' I smiled slightly and sat heavily on my bed, my towel still tied loosely around my hips. I fell onto my back and stared at the ceiling. If he didn't deserve me, that still meant that I could be with him. No. There must be something wrong with me. I pulled the covers over me and curled up into a tight ball as more tears flowed down my cheeks. I can't believe I ruined this. I mean, not that I did it consciously, but I must have done something. God, why can't I be normal for once? Why can I never be what someone else wants?

When I next opened my eyes my bedroom was flooded with light. I frowned slightly and I felt my face stick. My frown deepened and I realised that my tears had dried on my cheeks. I sighed and got out of bed and went to my bathroom. I didn't even bother to look in the mirror before washing – I knew I looked like shit. I splashed cold water on my face, making me inhale sharply in shock.

I then went back and lay on my bed again. I stared at the ceiling, letting memories of the last few months wash over me.We I had been happy. Why wasn't Alex? I thought we were the perfect couple. Apparently I was completely and utterly wrong.

**

Time passed slowly, the days dragging slowly into weeks, the weeks dragging slowly into months. Soon, it had been 3 months since I had seen Alex. Well, seen him in person. Of course, I had seen him on the internet and on the television. His career really had taken off at full speed. He, and all of the guys, looked constantly thrilled with their life whenever I saw them on a camera. Alex hadn’t changed his image very much for the fame. His hair had darkened slightly, but he still kept it close to blonde. I missed his blonde hair, but even I had to admit that he looked good.

I hated myself for following All Time Low, and Alex. But I just couldn’t cut him from my life. As I much as I would have loved to be able to do that, I just couldn’t. I loved him still.

I knew Vicky and Dan were worried about me. They didn't think it was healthy to still be so in love with someone who broke my heart without a just reason. And I knew they were probably right. But I didn't really care. I loved Alex and I wanted to keep an eye on how his life was going without me in it. It seemed to be going well. There was one song in particular that I couldn’t seem to stop listening to:
'Make it a sweet, sweet goodbye - it could be for the last time and it's not right.
"Don't let yourself get in over your head," he said.
Alone and far from home we'll find you...

Dead - Like a candle you burned out;
spill the wax over the spaces left in place of angry words.
Scream - To be heard, like you needed any more attention;
throw the bottle, break the door, and disappear.

Sing me to sleep, I'll see you in my dreams, waiting to say, "I miss you. I'm so sorry."
Forever's never seemed so long as when you're not around it's like a piece of me is missing.
I could have learned so much from you but what's left now?
Don't you realize you brought this family a world of pain?
Can't you see there could have been a happy ending we let go?

Sing me to sleep, I'll see you in my dreams, waiting to say, "I miss you. I'm so sorry."

Sing me to sleep (You've taken so much with you...)
I'll see you in my dreams, (But left the worst with me...),
waiting to say, "I miss you. I'm so sorry."'

Whenever I heard that song, I couldn’t help but think it was backwards. I hadn’t left him, he'd left me. He's the one that should come back to me, hold me, and say 'I miss you. I'm so sorry.' I couldn’t help but wonder whether he'd written this song from my point of view. Whether he thinks this is what I thought of him. Because, if that's what it was, he got it spot on...

"Why are you doing this to yourself?" Vicky asked one day as she sat next to me on the sofa in my living room.
"If I can't see him face to face again, I need something," I told her. She shook her head. She didn't understand why I didn't hate Alex. But, really, Alex was famous now. I don’t blame him for wanting to get rid of me, I would have just held him back, dragged him down. He didn't deserve that. So I understood why he'd left me. It made sense. "I love him, Vicky," I said softly as we watched an All Time Low music video. Vicky sighed and nodded.
"I know, sweetie," she said and I smiled weakly.

About an hour later there was an interview with them on television. Vicky said she would stay with me to watch it, just in case I got really upset. I just nodded, silently thanking her. When the interview came on, I bit my lip. It wasn't live, but it was still listening to Alex talking. The four boys suddenly appeared on the screen with an interviewer, but my eyes were stuck on Alex. God, he was gorgeous. Being famous suited him. The interview started off with typical questions, about how they started their career, how they are finding the lifestyle change, etc. And Rian, Jack and Zack all gave answers in their own way, Jack being idiotic, but in a funny way. However, Alex didn't talk much. I wished he would, I missed his voice. Eventually, the interviewer asked about relationships. I felt Vicky tense next to me, but I pretended like I didn't notice. I did notice Alex's reaction though. If he was withdrawn before, when he was told the new subject, he literally sunk in his chair, as though he was trying to escape. "So do any of you guys have anyone special?" the woman asked them and they all grinned, except Alex.
"No," Rian said. "A part of our contract was not to have a relationship for the first year of our career."
"That way," Jack continued. "We can focus more on the band and the music. If we were with someone, seriously, a part of our mind would always be with them. And we decided as a band that we would give 110% into our career."
"So, no relationships at all?" the woman asked them and they all shook their heads, except Alex. "Not even any one-night stands?" she asked, grinning.
"Oh, no. We have them, well, except Alex. He doesn’t. But the rest of us do," Jack grinned childishly.
"What about...if you guys meet 'the one'?" the interviewer asked, using quotations marks with her hands.
"Probably we would allow a relationship in that case. But none of us have met 'the one'," Jack said, using quotation marks in the same way. "So it hasn’t really been an issue yet."

I felt tears pricking in my eyes at the pain I felt in my chest. I gasped suddenly as I saw a tear roll down Alex's cheek, milliseconds before he got out of his seat and stormed off the stage. I stared at the television screen, seeing Jack, Rian, Zack and the interviewer all looking really confused. Then, the interview quickly got cut off and went to a commercial. I stayed staring at the television screen, trying to understand all the information I had just been given.

Alex had only broken up with me because it was in the terms of his contract not to have a serious relationship because it would take focus away from the music. I understood that, but why wouldn’t Alex have told me that? I would have accepted it was something he just had to do.
But, from what Jack was saying, it sounded like Alex didn't think I was 'the one'. Which would explain why he hadn’t really bothered to give me an explanation. He just didn't care very much.
But...he'd stormed out after Jack said that. Maybe...maybe he did think of me in that way. Maybe he and Jack were arguing about whether or not I was 'the one' for Alex. I hated thinking that I was causing a rift between best friends, but I loved the idea of Alex fighting for me.

I was so confused.

I turned to Vicky and she had a small smile on her face. "Is that good?" I asked her. I realised my voice was coming out slightly strangled, and then I became aware of the tears on my cheeks.
"That's good, Luke," she smiled and I grinned and hugged her.
"What should I do now?" I asked her and her smile softened.
"There's nothing you can do," she said. "You just have to wait for him." I smiled and nodded. I'd wait until the end of the world for Alex.

**

It turned out, however, that I didn't need to. After Vicky had left that night, I was watching the interview again. I kept watching it on repeat, especially the part when I see a tear on Alex's cheek. That single drop of liquid showed me all I wanted to know. Alex did still love me.

My doorbell rang about an hour after Vicky had gone, and I figured that she'd left something here and was back to get it. I sighed and got up from the position on the sofa. I opened the door and immediately froze. I stared into a pair of eyes that I believed I would never see in person again. "Luke?" he whispered but I couldn’t get my mouth to move. I saw tears lining his eyes and I felt my heart twinge slightly. Yet still no words came. "Luke?" he whispered again, a tear falling down his cheek, similarly to the interview.
"Wh-What are you doing here?" I asked, my voice continuously catching. I saw Alex lower his head and I realised he'd taken my question in the wrong way. He thought I was angry he was here. When, in reality, I was shocked, pleased, excited. Any positive emotion, really.
"I-I...I just...um," he stammered and I frowned slightly. Alex, my Alex, wasn't usually like this. He didn't stammer or hesitate before speaking. He was outgoing and confident.

I wanted to reach forward and take his hand, or touch his shoulder, to reassure him. But I don’t think I could touch him just yet. I just needed to get used to seeing him for the moment. I opened my front door further to let him in. He glanced up at me and then lowered his eyes again and walked inside. I closed the door behind him, and then walked through to the living room, where the interview was on the television, paused. Alex walked in behind me and immediately saw what was on the television. "You watched it?" he asked, his voice quiet.
"Of course," I said. "I've been watching everything you guys do..." I frowned as I realised how weird/stalker-ish that sounded, but Alex didn't hear in that way, as he smiled softly.
"I hated Jack for saying that," he whispered after a short silence. I turned to look at him and saw he was already watching me. "I argued with him so long about...you. He didn't believe me when I said...how much you meant to me," he said. I looked up into his eyes briefly and then looked away again.
"Did you leave me because of your contract? Was that the reason?" I asked him and he nodded immediately.
"I never wanted to hurt you, Luke," he said softly. "I...I love you." My lips parted as I gasped softly. Tears pooled in my eyes as I heard the words I'd never imagined hearing him say.
"Alex," I whispered. I took a few hesitant steps forward, and then slowly raised my hand and cupped his cheek. His eyes closed and his head tilted into my hand. "I love you, too," I whispered, gazing at his face. His eyes opened and again and he stared at me. "I have since the second you danced with me and I didn't completely screw up." Alex smiled softly.
"I love you the second you grabbed me and kissed me," he said and I grinned despite the tears in my eyes.
"So...you didn't break up with me because...you...um..." I trailed off, wishing I hadn’t said anything.
"What?" he asked softly. I looked down, slightly ashamed that I would have thought Alex would act in that way to begin with.
"I thought it was because...you were going to become famous. You didn't want me as your boyfriend holding you back. I mean, everyone would kill to be important to you. I could understand if you dumped me because you could have done better..." I lowered my head as I finished talking but Alex gripped my chin and raised my head so I was looking into his eyes.
"There is no one better for me than you," he whispered sincerely. "You're 'the one' for me." He used the finger quotations similar to how the interviewer had used them, and I couldn’t help but grin.
"Yeah?" I asked, smiling. "You're 'the one' for me, too." Alex grinned as well and then wrapped his arms around me tightly and pulled me against him and kissed me passionately. I pulled back eventually and looked up at him. "What about your contract? We're not allowed to be together for a year..." I said sadly and he cupped my cheek.
"There was another condition to that contract," he said and I frowned slightly.
"What?" I asked, wishing that I fell into that condition so that we could be together. Alex looked down and shifted his feet uncomfortably.
"Um...we don't fall into it..." he said and I felt my heart sink and I looked down. "Yet," Alex added, his voice barely audibly. But I had heard and I looked up into his eyes, silently asking what he meant. "Luke, um..." he said and bit his lip. "I..." I frowned again at how much he was struggling to speak. My eyes widened to comic proportions when I watched Alex fall to the floor, kneeling on one knee. I gasped as he pulled out a black velvet box from his back pocket. "When I was coming here, I didn't even know if you would forgive me for how I behaved. But I wanted to make sure that, if, for some miraculous reason, you did forgive me, we could be together. And I know this sounds like I'm proposing to you because it's the only way we can be together despite my contract, but I'm not. If I didn't ask you to marry me today, it would be tomorrow, or in a week, or in a month. But it would definitely happen. Because I love you, Luke. I love you so much. Will you marry me and be with me forever?" he asked and tears trickled slowly down my cheeks. I gazed down at him and then my knees gave out and I knelt in front of him. Alex grasped my hand to steady me and I looked into his warm green eyes.
"Yes," I whispered, my voice barely more than a breath. I continued to look at him and then I suddenly grinned and threw my arms around his neck and hugged him tightly. "Yes, yes, yes, a thousand times yes!" Alex laughed lightly and wrapped his arms around me as well. Eventually we pulled back and Alex took my left hand gently. He then took the ring out of the box and slipped it onto my ring finger. It was a simple gold band with a diamond on the top. "It's beautiful," I whispered softly. I looked back up at Alex and smiled before crashing my lips onto his in an intense kiss. "I love you," I mumbled against his lips. "So much."
"I love you more," he whispered. He suddenly stood up and picked me up as well. I wrapped my legs around his waist as he carried me down the hall to my bedroom. We fell onto the bed and celebrated our engagement and our future lives together.