Anuptaphobia- Fear of Staying Single.

Jack Barakat does indeed have anuptaphobia. Ever since he was thirteen years old he didn’t want to be single. He couldn’t be single. It wasn’t about what people thought of him being single, it was about himself. Because honestly, he didn't give a fuck about what other people thought of him. There was just a feeling that he couldn’t explain. A feeling which he needed. A feeling deep within his gut, hidden from the rest of the world. He needed someone there with him, or at least knowing that someone was there for him. Someone who could clean up all his messes. It didn’t even matter if he actually even liked the person, he just needed that feeling. It felt as if it completed him. Maybe because his family has never liked him. Maybe because he has been alone his entire life.

As years progressed, he wanted love. Now, he thought love would be easy to find. Maybe he could find someone he actually liked this time, and he could start loving them. He thought he could take a girl to a beautiful lake, with the moon shining down on them, and with the fireflies dancing around them. He wanted to whisper that he loved her, and she would whipser that she loves him back. He wanted to find something like that, something like the movies.
But as he went through seven girlfriends, he found out that love is something hard to find. He saw those couples holding hands and smiling as they walk to nowhere. The couples that just stare into each other’s eyes, whispering sweet nothings into each other's ears. The couples that have a smile in their eyes, the couples that you can tell they’re in love, and he wanted that. He wanted it so bad; he tried to force himself to love a girl.

“Jack, stay with me forever,” she whispered into his ear. Her voice sent shivers down his spine. Or was it just the cool wind that had just passed them? He could feel her against him, and he liked it. Oh, how he loved it. But it didn’t feel right. There was something bugging him and he couldn’t figure it out. He told it to go away, that this girl is the one. She loves him more than anything, and he loves her back.., right? That gut feeling never goes away, but he wants her. More than he has ever wanted any other girl. But it’s wrong, and he can tell it’s wrong. This was a perfect place for the perfect 'I love you'. Up upon a hill, at the dead of midnight. Stars are bright, and the moon is full. The tree next to them is swaying in the wind, and the city lights bellow them. Total movie scene right there. But the words came out unbelievebly wrong words.

“Jack, please we can make this work. We can be together forever. Why won’t you stay? What have I done?” she sobbed into his chest. Her heart breaking into two. What did she do to him? Why is it her fault? All she ever did was love him, give him everything, but he let her go. Her whole body shaking, tears streaming down her face, crying her crystal blue eyes out, she whispered one last thing, “I hate you Jack Barakat.”

Jack didn’t mean to break her heart; he just wanted to find the one he truly loved. But he needed to find someone, and he needed to find someone fast.

His anuptaphobia is kicking in more and more as he grows older. Of course, this got him as the “man whore” in his school. Jack didn't give two shits about what they thought. He didn’t think he was a man whore. He knew he wasn't a man whore. Man whores fuck girls and then leave them. Leave them in their pity, and disgust. But Jack doesn’t do that, he does try to loves the girls, but he can’t. He breaks their hearts instead, but it’s for their own sake. He can’t lead them on any longer, or it will hurt them even more. His heart has never been broken, and he hopes that it will never be broken.
But all those girls get over it, within one week, they are absolutely positively fine. They act as if nothing happened. And Jack likes it like that.

Jack found another girl. She’s an absolute beauty, but he wants to fall in love. He doesn’t care what she looks like. He doesn't care what any of them look like. He needs love, love, love.

She brought him to her house, it’s been three weeks and now it’s time to meet the parents and the family.The worst part about trying to find love. She has a simple family, a mother, father, and a brother. Her brother is his age, 17 while she is only 16. He thinks he is falling in love. Maybe she is the one, maybe this is it, and this is the girl. He could stay with her forever. But that feeling came, that gut wretched feeling, but it’s a bit different this time. It feels right, yet it feels wrong.

Jack held her hand as they approached the big white door to her house.

“Now Jack, I told you how my parents are, straightforward and strict. Don’t mess this up, baby. We practiced this remember? Just stick to everything I told you to do, and pretend like you’re an A-student and that you like math, and be VERY polite!”With that she kissed his cheek, took a big breath, and opened the big white door.

Her house was big. Not just big, HUGE. Jack has never seen a house this big before. He knew she was wealthy but not this wealthy. Jack gulped. His house wasn’t even half of this size. He barley was able to buy food for the week at his home. How could this girl want him? They took a few steps inside, very painfully slow steps inside, still hand-in-hand.

“Hey, you must be Jack. I’ve heard a lot about you. My name is Alex.”Jack gasped at the sight of this man. Why has he never noticed him before? And he has heard about him? Good or bad? Probably bad since all the other girlfriends. But oh wait, he is dating his sister, so maybe it’s good? Wait what is he even talking about? His smile was so beautiful, and bright, it made Jack smile, it made him melt. He literally felt like he melted right then and there. It made Jack feel happy, yet sad. Calm, yet crazy. What the hell? Jack has never ever, ever experienced this feeling before, and he didn’t even know if it was a feeling. What was it? He wanted it to stay, but he wanted it to go.

“Jack, that’s my brother, Alex. Alex, keep him company while I go find Mother, and Father, please?"

“Sure, Raven.”Jack couldn’t say anything. He couldn’t even think anything. Now, he hasn’t ever felt this way over another man, but he wasn’t thinking about that. He wasn't thinking at all about that. He was thinking about that smile. Those eyes. That body. That hair, oh god, that hair. Jack was tempted to just jump on him and play with his hair. Yum.

“Uh, is everything okay? You look kind of... lost?”Alex laughed at the sight of Jack. Wide eyed, tongue basically hanging out of his mouth, and his breathing was out of control. Jack just doesn't know how to control himself. Althouth, he has never been this crazy about anyone he has been with. Yet alone a complete stranger.

“I.. uh, yeah I’m fine. Just a bit nervous I guess.”Jack whispered. He didn’t know why he was whispering. Maybe he didn’t want to say something stupid, or maybe he just wanted Alex to move closer to him. Or maybe Jack just wasn't thinking at all. His eyes moved from Alex’s eyes, to his lips. Full, pink, perfect. Jack licked his own lips, imagining that they were Alex’s lips.

He imagined touching those lips, first with his fingers, and as his hand moved to his neck, he would lean forward, and touch Alex’s perfect lips with his own soft lips. He would make Alex moan, and he would make Alex scream with pleasure, and Jack is an expert in that.

“Oh, well, my parents aren’t that bad. Well, maybe a little, but it’s just that they are protective over Raven, you know?”Alex stared at Jack, who was staring at him. Alex took a step closer towards his sister’s boyfriend. “I’m also a little protective over her, but not as bad.”He smiled, and his eyes wandered up and down Jack. Alex could see himself with Jack. Well, if only he wasn’t his sister’s boyfriend. But other than that, they would be a pretty cute couple.

“Hey Jack, come here! I found my parents!”Raven shouted from another room. Jack winced at the sound of her voice, already losing all feelings he once had for her. Shit he thought to himself. What did he get himself into? He can’t just stop loving his girlfriend and start going for her brother. Her blood brother. He shivered. Jack looked into Alex’s eyes, and he could see warmth. He could see everything he has never seen before. His gut wretched feeling was long gone. Now filled with butterflies, which he never got. Jack sighed to himself. He can’t have this stranger who he just met. What was he thinking? He didn't even know why all those feelings were there. Maybe just hormones, he thought.

Three more weeks pass, and he is still with Raven. But the time he is with her, he is only thinking about Alex. Every chance that he gets he invites Alex with them. To the movies, to the mall, even to Jack’s house. Everywhere and anywhere. Over the past three weeks, Alex and Jack try to hang out as much as possible, and they try to talk as much as possible. Jack has told Alex everything about his life. The shit he has been throught, and the good things he has been through. The only thing he wouldn't tell Alex is that he has anupataphobia. Alex has told Jack about most of the things in his life, but he liked to remain a mystery.

Since Jack was such a baby, he waited for Alex to ask for his number. Ever since then, they call each other all the time, and texted each other 24/7. They stayed up all hours, just talking about nothing. Just loving the sound of each other's voices.
Raven loves how close they have become. Jack is the first boy that Alex has accepted and same with her parents. Jack is fitting into the family, and she is starting to love him, more and more. Jack hasn’t noticed, because his attention is obviously always on Alex. He knows it’s wrong, but he can’t help it. Alex flirts, and Jack can’t help but flirt back. His mind goes blank when he is with Alex. Completely blank. Everything is focused on Alex.
But once in a while, he thinks about Raven, and how he is going to tell her, that he might just be in love with her brother.

“Raven, I think we need to talk.” Jack sighs as he knows what is going to come next. It’s their 3 month anniversary and he is ending it. Just like that. Under the stars, and under the full moon on top of this beautiful hill. This was where they should have said their 'i love you'. It was perfect. Just like last time.
He could see the excitement from her face automatically replace with concern.

“Tell me anything, Jack.” She moved in closer, and he backed away. Jack wishes that he could tell her, and fast forward his life. He doesn’t want to see her cry, he was so close to falling in love with her, but it just stopped. This couldn’t go on any longer.

“We can’t stay together anymore. I just don’t love you, like I loved you yesterday.”Jack looked up at the stars. They were beautiful, just like Raven, but he didn’t love her.
He could feel the atmosphere change. It was comfortable and relaxing, and now it’s awkward and lonely. He wanted to run away, run away forever.

“What are you talking about? You were fine FIVE minutes ago!” Raven pushed him, hard. This couldn’t be happening to her. She loved him. Way more then she planned on loving him. Her eyes started to water, but he couldn’t see her hurt. That would just satisfy him. That bastard. “It’s another girl isn’t it? See I should have listened to everyone; you’re a fucking whore, Jack Barakat. I can’t believe I fell for you. I hope you rot in hell.” And with that, she was off. Running down the hill, into the small city filled with noise.

“Well, hey there cowboy!”Alex smiled as he approached Jack.
It’s been another three weeks after the break up and Jack still feels horrible. A girl has never made him feel like this before, and he doesn’t know why it is bothering him so fucking much.

“Hey Alex". Jack replied, but he was in deep thought about other things. Other things like Raven.

Jack and Alex have been with each other every day over the last few weeks. Alex helped comfort Jack, he knew Jack hurt as much as Raven did. He could see it in Jack. Jack still always got that feeling when he was around Alex. Those butterflies, that tingly feeling, his heart pounding, but they were just friends. He wanted more than that, so much more than that, but it couldn’t happen. Never will happen.

“My sister is over you, just so you know. She already has another boyfriend, so if that’s what is bothering you, forget about her.”Alex placed a hand over Jack’s. Jack gasped at the touch. His heart did that familiar pounding, and his stomach had those fimiliar butterflies.
They were sitting on a red bench in the middle of lames-ville town, just staring out over the sunset. Trees were surrounding them, and it looked like another movie scene.

“I don’t know, I just want her to be okay.”Jack was telling the truth, he wanted her to be safe. She doesn’t deserve another heart-breaking. He felt as if his heart was breaking also. What has he done in his life to deserve this? Why can't he be like other people and find love.

Alex scooted closer to Jack, a little too close. Jack could feel Alex’s warm, minty breath on his ear. Jack shivered, and he knew it wasn’t from the cold this time. He liked it, he liked it alot. Jack licked his own lips, and closed his eyes.

“She’s going to be fine,” he whispered into Jack’s ear. His hand went around Jack's waist and with that, he kissed Jack’s neck. And without thinking, Jack turned towards Alex, and told him

“I just want to find love, Alex." And Alex took Jack’s face into his hands and kissed him. Soft, and gentle. Alex's lips moved with Jack's. Jack's hands found themselves in Alex's hair. Just like he imagined. He smiled into the kiss and he could feel Alex smile back. And Jack had a feeling, a feeling with love, with butterflies, and everything that made him happy.
Alex pulled back a little, with syliva still connecting their lips, and he whispered,

“Well then, Jack Barakat, let me help you with that.”