Status: only a few more to go, hopefully it won't take me five months to post them.
Parting Is Such Sweet Sorrow
Act Three, Scene One.
He was gone after that. I could only stare before something clicked within me. I wasn’t going to take any more of Bert McCracken’s attitude. It was beyond evident he held feelings for Quinn and apparently Gerard had them for me but both were too afraid to be out in the open. I gently placed my guitar down and raced towards the door and then through it.
“McCracken!”
He was only half way down the hall—I told you it was a hike to my room—but stopped as he heard me. He turned around and the look on his face did nothing to hide his fear.
“What the hell are you playing at? You don’t think I understand? To hell with you then you bastard! I know full well how much you admire one of your peers. How you look at him, how you touch him, how you speak to him and how you speak about him. The only thing you’re afraid of is rejection.”
I had been walking as I was expressing my opinion; I didn’t realize I was so close at this point though. His eyes bore into my own as his breathing became erratic.
“Iero what the fuck do you know? Gee’s got some stupid school girl crush on you, big fucking deal kid. You don’t know me; you know nothing about me or my life.”
“Like you fucking know everything about mine?! You’re afraid of accepting yourself so you hide behind the fear of others. You strike fear into your own being because you’re too afraid to be open about how you feel. You torment others because you’re jealous they can be so open about their sexuality.”
“Like you parade it around? Like how you’re so open about your lifestyle Iero?”
He took a step forward, his chest touching my own. Our eyes glaring at each other, his down at me, mine up at his. Without warning he reached a hand up and grabbed the cuff of my shirt around my neck and pulled me closer.
“You fucking hurt him kid, so fucking help you; no one will know who you are by the time I get through with you. You don’t know shit for brains about what’s gone on here before you came, let alone before he came here. You just waltz right in and think that you can make everything all fucking peachy don’t you?”
My mouth gaped like a fish—I didn’t know what to say. He snarled at me once more.
“Do you really love him?”
I was thrown for a loop at that question. I stood there, his hold still firm on my shirt, our faces merely inches apart and our eyes still locked onto each others. Did I love Gerard?
“I…I…I, I…”
He let go of me, shoving me away from him none too gently. Knowing Gerard before he came here, before I came here, knowing him then and now—did I? His glare hadn’t lifted yet.
“No.”
His eyes met mine, it was as if he was searching for the truth that no doubt shined above all else.
“I hope you’re happy now.”
He said that rather loud and turned and walked off. I was still in shock of our encounter, my hypocrisy, my admittance of non-love—what the hell just happened? I heard a door creak and a black haired figure emerge from one of the empty rooms along the hall. They held their face cast down so I couldn’t recognize who it was. The quickly passed me on the left side of the hall but when that smell reached my nose—that perfect mixture of cigarettes, coffee and mint, I knew who it was.
“Gerard.”
They stopped but didn’t turn—had he heard all of that? Was that their plan all along? Have Bert entice me to admit my feelings towards Gerard?
“I’m sorry Iero, I never meant to waste your time.”
Iero. He’s never called me by my last name. He took a few steps forward, slowly, as if expecting me to retaliate. I couldn’t. What do you say to something like that? I could only stand there and watch him walk away from me. Iwouldn’tcouldn’t reach out for him.
I’m not sure how I ended up on the track, nor how many laps I ended up running to let my frustration out. It wasn’t till I was standing still, eyes unfocused, thoughts haywire, that I felt a hand touch my shoulder. It was then and only then that I was taken out of the stupor I was in since Gerard walked away from me.
“Frank, what, what happened today?”
I met those hazel eyes, the one thing they share, wishing those eyes were of another. I did the only thing my mind processed to do—I ran.
“McCracken!”
He was only half way down the hall—I told you it was a hike to my room—but stopped as he heard me. He turned around and the look on his face did nothing to hide his fear.
“What the hell are you playing at? You don’t think I understand? To hell with you then you bastard! I know full well how much you admire one of your peers. How you look at him, how you touch him, how you speak to him and how you speak about him. The only thing you’re afraid of is rejection.”
I had been walking as I was expressing my opinion; I didn’t realize I was so close at this point though. His eyes bore into my own as his breathing became erratic.
“Iero what the fuck do you know? Gee’s got some stupid school girl crush on you, big fucking deal kid. You don’t know me; you know nothing about me or my life.”
“Like you fucking know everything about mine?! You’re afraid of accepting yourself so you hide behind the fear of others. You strike fear into your own being because you’re too afraid to be open about how you feel. You torment others because you’re jealous they can be so open about their sexuality.”
“Like you parade it around? Like how you’re so open about your lifestyle Iero?”
He took a step forward, his chest touching my own. Our eyes glaring at each other, his down at me, mine up at his. Without warning he reached a hand up and grabbed the cuff of my shirt around my neck and pulled me closer.
“You fucking hurt him kid, so fucking help you; no one will know who you are by the time I get through with you. You don’t know shit for brains about what’s gone on here before you came, let alone before he came here. You just waltz right in and think that you can make everything all fucking peachy don’t you?”
My mouth gaped like a fish—I didn’t know what to say. He snarled at me once more.
“Do you really love him?”
I was thrown for a loop at that question. I stood there, his hold still firm on my shirt, our faces merely inches apart and our eyes still locked onto each others. Did I love Gerard?
“I…I…I, I…”
He let go of me, shoving me away from him none too gently. Knowing Gerard before he came here, before I came here, knowing him then and now—did I? His glare hadn’t lifted yet.
“No.”
His eyes met mine, it was as if he was searching for the truth that no doubt shined above all else.
“I hope you’re happy now.”
He said that rather loud and turned and walked off. I was still in shock of our encounter, my hypocrisy, my admittance of non-love—what the hell just happened? I heard a door creak and a black haired figure emerge from one of the empty rooms along the hall. They held their face cast down so I couldn’t recognize who it was. The quickly passed me on the left side of the hall but when that smell reached my nose—that perfect mixture of cigarettes, coffee and mint, I knew who it was.
“Gerard.”
They stopped but didn’t turn—had he heard all of that? Was that their plan all along? Have Bert entice me to admit my feelings towards Gerard?
“I’m sorry Iero, I never meant to waste your time.”
Iero. He’s never called me by my last name. He took a few steps forward, slowly, as if expecting me to retaliate. I couldn’t. What do you say to something like that? I could only stand there and watch him walk away from me. Iwouldn’tcouldn’t reach out for him.
I’m not sure how I ended up on the track, nor how many laps I ended up running to let my frustration out. It wasn’t till I was standing still, eyes unfocused, thoughts haywire, that I felt a hand touch my shoulder. It was then and only then that I was taken out of the stupor I was in since Gerard walked away from me.
“Frank, what, what happened today?”
I met those hazel eyes, the one thing they share, wishing those eyes were of another. I did the only thing my mind processed to do—I ran.