Parting Is Such Sweet Sorrow

Friday night I found myself alone in my dorm; Mikey was out with his girlfriend and wouldn’t be back till later. I couldn’t bring myself to go down to the music hall to play, I couldn’t even bring myself to climb off my bed and take the twenty-four steps across the room to get my guitar. Practice today had been a disaster. We had to run through the first meeting four times because Quinn couldn’t replicate the scene between Gerard and I a few days prior. Mr. Sanchez only wanted the best, but he settled.

The door burst open and I remained still on my bed, not daring to move.

“Mikes? Dammit.”

I heard a rough sigh and then the sound of a body roughly landing on the bed. The lights were off, so whoever it was thought they were alone.

“I can’t do this.”

I knew that voice, it was Gerard, he was mere feet away from me and I refused to let him know I was here too. I could only catch random words of his ranting, he was mad at himself over something, or someone. I heard a knock.

“Way, what are you doing here?”

“What are you doing here?”

“I’m here to pick up Frank, he and I have a date.”

I sat up, I forgot all about it. He had asked me yesterday if I’d like to hang out with him tonight. A light flickered on and both of them turned to face me. Gerard’s eyed widened a fraction.

“I forgot Quinn, I’m sorry. Long day.”

He just laughed and glanced between Gerard and I.

“I’ll say, what did you guys do the other day? I’m still getting reprimanded for not being able to show the passion that the two of you did.”

I felt my cheeks flush and I refused to glance over at Gerard. Quinn scratched his neck before ducking his head.

“No worries though, I was actually coming by to ask if we could reschedule, uh, Bert grew some balls and asked if I’d head into town with him. Do you mind?”

I grinned and he turned red.

“Fuck no! That’s great Quinn! Have fun; seriously, heaven only knows what the two of you could get up to. Those poor townsfolk, they won’t know what hit ‘em.”

“Townsfolk?”

We just laughed and I waved him off. He made a pointed look at Gerard and then back at me.

“Tootles Frankie, I’ll fill you in tomorrow with all the gory details!”

He waved and was gone, leaving me alone with Gerard. I chanced a quick glance at him only to find that he was looking at the floor. I glanced down at the same spot he was staring at and then back up at him. His cheeks were a light pink and that alone brought a small smile to my lips.

I slowly got to my feet, careful not to startle him. It was as if he was fighting to glance at me, his eyes would dart a fraction over but then he’d move them right back down. I kept my footsteps light and slow as I moved towards him. He was still perched on the edge of Mikey’s bed. I stopped a few feet away from him when he finally looked up at me. He stood up and glanced at the door and I reached out, I couldn’t reach him to touch him, but I didn’t want him to go.

“You don’t have to go.”

We just stared at each other. We both knew what those words meant, we weren’t stupid. I wanted to fix this, whatever this was between us. I wanted to give us a shot, the potential we have. I could tell he was arguing with himself on whether to stay or go

“I can’t…I just, Frank, I, I’m sorry, but I have to.”

With one last gaze he turned away and walked over to the door. I was rooted to the spot, my body unwilling to move as I watched him turn the handle and pause as he stood in the doorway—was he going to turn around? I bit my lip as he shook his head and closed the door behind him. I clenched my jaw and glared at the door. I had enough of this stupid dancing around each other—I was done! I walked over to the door and yanked it open; he didn’t get but a few steps away. I rushed behind him, turned him around and shoved him into the nearest wall.

“I’m done! I can’t keep playing this stupid game we’ve got going on. Either you want something or you don’t, but you’re done playing this woe-is-me bullshit! I like you, possibly even love you, well no, I do, but that’s beside the point. I want you, plain and simple and I thought that you wanted me too, if I was mistaken, tell me now and I’ll leave you alone. I won’t look at you, speak to you or even think of you. But I can’t keep doing this.”

His wide eyes stared down at me, his mouth opening and closing like a fish. His hands were still fisted on my own arms. My chest was heaving, I yelled, I didn’t care who heard me anymore—it wasn’t a secret, now with how much gossip went around this place.

“Frankie, I…”

He glanced around before looking down at me.

“Can, can we not have this discussion in the middle of the hall?”

He let go of my arms and let his own fall to his side. I unfisted his shirt and glanced around. I nodded, grabbed his wrist and dragged him back to my room.