Parting Is Such Sweet Sorrow

As soon as we were inside, I pushed him against the door and pinned him in place.

“Speak.”

I could tell he was panicking, his heart was hammering and he was taking deeper breaths and his eyes, his eyes were wide and afraid. I just shook my head.

“I meant what I said Gerard. You owe me an explanation, now give it. If you don’t, I will ignore your very existence as soon as you walk out that door. I’m done hurting you and myself and I’m done with you hurting me.”

He just stared at me—just stared. I stared right back at him. We stood there for a good while just staring at each other. I growled and shoved him further into the door before stepping away from him.

“You can’t honestly tell me that, that kiss, that kiss yesterday, it, it had to mean something! There was no way that was acting on your part, it sure as hell wasn’t on my end! But I mean it Gerard, I, I can’t keep doing this, this whole stupid back and forth bullshit we have going on…I just can’t. Why don’t you say something? Anything! Fucking say something!”

He was pressed against the door as far as he could it seemed. Wide-eyed he just stared at me some more. I bit my lip and fell to my knees on the floor where I stood. I waved my hand at him.

“Just go Gerard…just, just go.”

I couldn’t look at him, instead I stared at the corner of Mikey’s bed. It was a matter of minutes before I heard him move.

“I’m sorry.”

I glanced up at him, he was standing right in front of me and as soon as I met his gaze he dropped to his knees in front of me.

“I’m just scared Frankie…I…I know you know things, things that you shouldn’t…about me…I just, I wish you didn’t.”

He bit his lip and slowly reached out of my hands—I let him take them in his own.

“I want this, I do…I just, I don’t know how to not screw it up and I don’t know what I’d do if I hurt you.”

I felt a simultaneous surge of adoration and anger well up within me.

“That’s not your choice to make for me. If you want this then why can’t we just try? You have your past, one I know about, one I know you’ve overcome and are better then…why can’t you see that too?”

He sighed and squeezed my hands. He let go of one and brought it up to cup my cheek. I leaned into his touch.

“Frankie I’d be your first relationship and I, I don’t…I don’t wa—”

I cut him off with a kiss. I leant forward and pressed my lips against his. A simple gentle press of my lips against his; I pulled back and looked into his startled hazel eyes and smiled.

“But I want you to be that first for me. I’ve messed around plenty, but it’s always been because I couldn’t have you. Fuck, listen to us, babbling on like we’re on some stupid soap opera.”

We both smiled at each other.

“Gerard, would you like to date me? ‘Cause I’d like to date you, regardless if you think you’ll screw this up—trust me, I can’t do any worse than you, I’m a first timer here.”

I just smiled at him. Holding onto his hand, my free hand fiddling with the hem of my tee; man I’ve never felt so nervous before. He bit his lip as he just stared at me. I hated that he second guesses himself like this. I just want him and I’ve told him. Sure I’m young and naïve, but I’m not stupid and I know what I feel.

“Yes.”

It was nothing more than a whisper but I heard it. I launched myself at him, causing the both of us to fall awkwardly from our knees to the floor. He shifted so he was comfortable and I just laid myself over his chest. My arms around him the best I could in the position we were in. His right arm was wrapped around me and his left hand was running through my hair.

“Am I the only that feels ridiculously happy?”

I laughed into his chest and nuzzled him. I shook my head and felt him chuckle beneath me, hearing it rumble and vibrate through his chest. I grinned into his shirt, clutching onto him, making sure he was really here. I hoped beyond anything this wasn’t some dream and I had fallen asleep after practice and imagined all of this. I pinched him and he yelped.

“What the hell was that for?”

I shifted, leaning up and over him and I grinned down at him.

“Making sure I wasn’t dreaming.”

He smirked up at me and before I knew it I was yanked down and my mouth was being devoured by his. After a few minutes we pulled apart and both of us erupted with silly grins.

“I’m real Frankie and I’m right here and I’m not going anywhere, and I mean that."