Too Much

I watched her walk away. Every step she took made it hard for me to breath. I shouldn’t have said those things. If I’d just kept my cool, none of this would have happened. She wouldn’t be leaving me right now.

My damn mouth and my damn attitude. Why couldn’t I just control myself around her? It felt like there was no possible way to ever set things right. I would always end up losing my temper, and she’d always end up running.

I sighed and ran a hand through my hair before I turned back to the house. The motions it took to get inside didn’t feel real. It was like walking in a strange a dream. Jasey was gone, but something about this time made it feel like she’s was gone for good.

I passed Matt in the hallway. He leaned against the doorway to the living room, a worried expression on his face as I started to ascend the stairs. “Where’s Jasey?” His question was muffled by the pounding in my ears.

“She left.” I muttered, as if that much wasn’t obvious. I didn’t know where she was going, but I hoped she reached it safe. I continued up the stairs, ignoring the rest of Matt’s questions as I went up to my room and closed the door.

I sat on my bed and cradled my head in my hands while tears started to sting at my eyes. I always said that Jasey drove me insane, usually in the good way, but here was proof. I was a fucking mess.

I lay back on the bed and closed my eyes, trying to gain composure, but it was no use.

I’d broken her heart for the second time today and it was tearing my own apart.

Why couldn’t I keep my fucking mouth shut?