Too Much

[ Alex Gaskarth ]

I sat in my car with my head on the steering wheel, taking deep steady breaths. I was parked outside of the Barakat’s home and unable to push myself out of the car. I’d been absolutely baffled when Jewels had texted me to come to the party after sending Jack with news that I was uninvited, which I had expected. But the fact that she had re-invited me meant Jasey wasn’t here. There was no way Jewels would let me near Jasey at this point. Hell, I wouldn’t even let me near her.

I sighed and pulled my head up, rubbing my eyes to try and make my sight a little less blurry. I hadn’t slept last night once I started writing and when my lack of sleep from the previous night was added in, I was practically dead. I shook it off the best I could and grabbed the big box from the passenger seat before I got out.

I smiled a little to myself as I thought about the genius present under my arm. I had bought her tickets to fly to Cali for a whole week, her dream vacation. Of course I’d then placed the small envelope at the bottom of a huge box and filled it with those Styrofoam peanuts and wrapped it all up in balloon covered wrapping paper. The Styrofoam would drive her crazy and probably make her a bit angry, but once she saw the tickets, she’d be ecstatic. It was perfect.

I knocked on the front door, which felt oddly strange. While Jack had lived here with his parents, I’d treated it like my own home. But now that he didn’t, I tried to be courteous to his parents and knock first. Though they usually scoffed at me and told me to come right in.

My breathing stopped as the door opened and those beautiful green eyes connected with mine. My mouth went dry as it dropped open. I couldn’t process what I was looking at until a smile appeared on her pretty lips. “Alex,” she breathed out, like a sigh of relief. It was almost like I’d stepped into a time warp and I was suddenly seventeen again.

“Hey Alex!” Jewels came up from behind her with a smirk on her face. A smirk that said she knew something. Then her eyes narrowed in on the box I was still holding and she widened them. “Is this for me?” She giggled and snatched it from my hands. It’s what finally snapped me from my haze.

“Yes, it is.” I tore my eyes from the bright green ones and smiled sincerely at Jewels.

“I pitched in!” Jack yelled from somewhere inside the house, making all three of us laugh lightly.

“He picked out the wrapping paper.” I admitted and Jewels rolled her eyes.

“Leave it to my big brother to pick balloons out for his twenty-one year old sister!” She started yelling the sentence over her shoulder as she got to the end of it. “At least he can’t hold the fact that I’m underage over me anymore.” She rolled her eyes again and then it got quiet. She looked from me to Jasey and then back again. “Well! I’m going back to the party to make sure Jack doesn’t kill everybody with twister.” She waved to me before placing her hand on Jasey’s shoulder and then disappearing into the house.

I stared. She stared. We didn’t move. She leaned against the door and I shifted my weight from one foot to the other. Finally, I couldn’t take it anymore. “I can go, if, you know,” okay, so maybe I wasn’t able to make complete sentences, but it was something.

“No!” Jasey yelled and then looked timid as she bit her bottom lip. “You should stay.” Her voice was so soft and kind. It killed me.

“Look, Jasey, I am so sorry about the things I said.” I didn’t dare step toward her in fear of seeing her step away.

“Please, don’t say that.” She looked pained at my apology. It took me aback and I opened my mouth to try and explain how sincere I was but she shook her head. “You were right.” My mouth literally felt like it dropped to the floor. She giggled. “Don’t look so surprised, Gaskarth. Everyone has their days.”

Normally, that would have been an insult. It would have been spat at me with such hatred that I would even hate myself. But this wasn’t meant as an insult. She was joking, with sarcasm and a bright smile that took my breath away all over again.

“You were completely right and I apologize for every argument I ever started over the past three years.” Her arms crossed over her chest as she leaned against the door. “I was so hard headed and stubborn and young and scared, that I never took a second to realize I wasn’t really holding a grudge against you.” She shrugged easily while I was wondering when I’d stepped into this alternative universe. “I loved you too much for that.”

My heart thudded as she said it. I felt so elated but so heartbroken at the same time. She said loved, as in past tense.

“I forgave you the minute you tried to pull that whole Lloyd Dobler thing with the stereo at three in the morning.” She giggled at the memory and I closed my eyes briefly at it.

“I was so fucking drunk.” I shook my head while she giggled more and nodded.

“Yeah, you were. But that’s what was so great.” She sighed and then slightly moved out of the doorway. “Why don’t you come in? Everybody’s in the front room playing Rock Band. Apparently somebody thought it was perfect to buy Jewels The Beatles Rock Band.” Her green orbs rolled again as she smiled. Smiled at me.

“Are you feeling okay, Jase?” I had to ask. I had spent the past three years chasing her and dealing with her fierce anger toward me. This just felt wrong and would take a lot of getting used to.

“Why does everyone keep asking me that?” She laughed and slammed the door behind me. “I am, truly and perfectly, great.” She leaned her back against the door while her head tilted and her lips turned up.

This moment was perfect, as girly as it sounds. Jasey and I were back on normal ground and it felt so relieving. We’d been up and down on hills for years. As I stared at her, a smile fell on my face and I reached out for her hand. “I’ve got a surprise for you.”