Crystal Vision

...An uppercut...duck, attack, shift your weight... make my moves yours, reflect it...left, right...Now!

I threw my last punch and retreated to the concrete barrier behind me; it was cool beneath the sheen of sweat that poured from my forehead and trickled down my back; like a constant warm shower that could never be turned off.
I wiped my brow and tried to slow my breathing, but it was no use. The tobacco I had grown so close to had left my breathless, and trying to quit had been a nuisance for the past month. It was something I was working on, but I had never achieved.

"Why'd you stop, huh?" He scolded me and threw up his arms. I turned and walked to the end of the room, "What, you're going to go for another smoke, aren't you."

I bit my tongue and said in-between breaths, "Don't harass me about this, Lyle."

"I told you my expectations and I let you slip away from them. In order to get through this-

"I know what I need to do! I'm not disobeying I just need to wait for the right time."

"And when will that be." The words quit in mid-air. It punctured my patience and made me stop in my tracks. "So? When."

"When it's my time. It's not easy to quit smoking-

"Then why'd you start?" he spat it like venom; I wanted to tell him it was because of him, but I hadn't the heart. Instead I said, "Because of life. Life never stops or slows down, and that was my way of coping. You are my trainer, not my father. Not my counselor, mentor, sibling or any of the sort. So stay out of my life and let me lead and deal with it my own way."

And with that I walked out of the room grabbing my bag and water bottle, heading out of the Pub and to my car, still in my sports bra and shorts in the middle of December.

Me and Lyle have had discussions before, we've fought civilized-like and talked about things that bothered each other, but It hasn't ended up in either of us walking out on each other.

I felt thick the minute I closed my car door.

Silence filled my ears; nothing but the cars whizzing beside me and far off voices that were nothing but murmurs. Not even a moment later I had found myself lighting a smoke and rolling down my car door window. “What the fuck is wrong with me.”
I desperately wanted to cower back to his flat, but I started my car realizing how desperate I’d seem, and as I drove away, his last words still rung in my ears.

Then why’d you start?

Because Ihate love you.