Crystal Vision

"I didn't want to leave," I moved my red checker piece across the board, cornering her black one, and making her cry out in defeat. "Somethings you just have to do, don't you think?"

"Nawh, I understand," Janice re-adjusted her weight on the carpet, "But you weren't forced to walk out on him, didn't you think of where you would be afterwards?"

After I had left the pub, I drove home in an anxious mess; I was shot at with regret and helplessness, and when I got home, Janice had called and heard me crying on the other end. After telling her what happened, she parked herself in front of my apartment and forcefully told me that a girl's night in would help; I never liked sitting around doing nothing.

"Jan, people don't think when they do these things. It's just not practical."

She huffed, "That's why people are in the positions they are now; nobody ever gives up 30 milliseconds of their time to think about what they are doing."

I stood up, "Jee, thanks for the information."

"No, hey I didn't mean it like that-

"I need to deal with this on my own." I told her, sighing. Tears prickled in my eyes and my stomach began to churn. "I'm sorry."

"No, you know what? I try to help but it just ends up blowing itself back up in my face."

"Janice," I tried reasoning with her, but she just grabbed her bag and popped out her movie, leaving me in the middle of my own living room in a helpless mess. I've pissed off two people in one day, leaving myself feeling as dense as ever to either situation.

I went to bed that night dreading my job in the morning; and dreaming of my childhood.

***

The next few days I spent my time in solitary loneliness; besides my dead-end job, I never left the house. My way of coping was utterly disgusting and pathetic, but I knew not otherwise. I’ve never been so alone; not even Janice, whom I have never fought with in 3 years, wouldn’t come to comfort me.

I’ve never felt so alone.

And left with an imprint of his voice in my head, it nagged and destroyed me bit by bit, leaving our time together a mere broken record; I couldn’t shut it off, and I couldn’t forget.
After my breakfast, I did something I haven’t in a while; trudging into the other room, I opened my desk and took out a pen and paper, and began to write.
And not soon after that, I went to the keyboard I had in the corner of my bedroom, and began to write as well; creating a melody that suited the words I created from the deepest part of my soul.
Within the 4 hours I had sat in the chair, I had composed the perfect song arrangement to the first half, and went back for more. I kept on writing for the rest of my night, filling up half of my notebook with quotes, stories and lyrics I had written myself.

I found my will to write again.