Jizz In My Pants

As soon as the car started to swerve, Zack grabbed onto Laura and kept her head protected in his arms. He felt the car tumble sideways and roll down into the small ravine beside the highway. He knew that there was a small chance that everyone survived. His main concern, though, was to get Laura out. He tried to kick open the back that used to be the trunk, but something was in the way. He looked and saw the trailer covering half of the trunk door through the window. Instead of trying to push it out of the way, he let go of Laura, who was now unconscious, and got half of himself out the window. He then grabbed Laura and dragged her out of the wreck, setting her on the ground a few feet from the van. Tears stung his eyes as he looked at her, unconscious and cut up. "Laura! Please, Laura! Wake up! Oh my god, oh my god, no!"

She squished her nose and blinked her eyelids open slowly. "Wh... what just happened?" Taking her time to look over and see the totaled van, hysterical sobs escaped from her mouth. "ANNA! NO!"

Zack looked over too. The middle of the van, where Jack and Anna were, was the most damaged. That's where the tree made impact with the car. It was almost impossible that they survived. "Laura, oh my god you're okay! Are you hurt? Are you-"

"I'm fucking fine." She swatted away his hand. "Get Anna out, please!" Her sobs became louder and more frantic. "She's my best friend! Please, get her out!" She curled up into a ball, not being able to move much, and continued to cry.

Zack cautiously made his way to the front of the car. He expected to see a grizzly scene of Alex and Rian smashed up against the dashboard. He came to Alex's widow first. He was bleeding from his head, but he was awake. "Alex! Can you move at all?"

"Shit... Oh my god, my leg... I think my leg is broken. I can't move it." Alex closed his eyes and winced in pain. He tried to make an effort to climb out of the car, but it was too hard. "Zack, I can't pull myself out. I need help."

Zack carefully took Alex's arms and helped to pull him out of the shattered window. "I got you, bud. You're going to be fine."

"Shit man... I'm so sorry... I-I just, the squirrel, and-"

"Don't worry about that now. We need to get everyone out to safety." Alex just shut his eyes and nodded his head. Soon enough, Zack succeeded in pulling Alex out of the front seat through the window. He set him down right next to Laura and quickly inspected his leg. It looked like it was broken and he knew that he needed to see a doctor soon, or he might lose it.

By the time Alex got out, Rian had made his way out of the window on his side. Besides a few scratches, he was okay. "Alex! Zack! Are you-"

"We're fine. Alex is a little banged up and so is Laura, but we're fine. Are you okay?" Zack walked over to Rian. He looked a little shaken up, but he was fine.

"Yeah, I'm good." Rian turned around and looked at the van that Jack and Anna were still trapped in. "Shit, we really need to get them out. I don't know if..." A silence fell over the four friends. They all feared what they would find when they tried to rescue Anna and Jack.

"I know. Let's try and open the middle door." Rian and Zack went to the sliding door that led to the middle seat of the van. But it was stuck. The impact mishapped the metal and made it impossible to open. "Shit, that's the only door..."

"...J-Jack? NO! JACK!" They heard Anna's voice from inside the car. She sounded frantic and panicked.

"ANNA!" Rian shouted. "CAN YOU HEAR ME?"

"RIAN! HE DEAD! HE DEAD!" They heard her screams from the van. But they couldn't do anything about it. "Oh my god, help! Help me! I'm stuck!"

"Anna, we can't reach you... Th-the door's stuck. We can't-" Just then, Rian heard a rustle in the bush behind him. He jumped in a fright and backed away. "What the hell is that?"

All of a sudden, Trace Cyrus and Mason Musso jumped out of the bush, clad in wizard costumes much like the characters of Harry Potter. Trace even sported the trademark round glasses that Harry had. "Sup, bitches?"

"I don't think I've ever been happier to see you guys in my life," Alex said through gritted teeth. "We need help." He tilted his head back in pain and groaned.

"Okay, Zack, Rian, step back. I got this." Mason pulled out a wand that was concealed behind his robe and pointed it at the van, staring intently in concentration.

Rian got really pissed all of a sudden. "What the fuck do you think you're doing? We don't have fucking time for this! We need to get them out of there!" He walked right up to Mason and got in his face.

"You have to trust me, I can fix this! Give me one chance." Rian stepped back. Mason was speaking in all seriousness. "I'm their only hope."

"Erm, hello? I can fucking do the spell!" Trace folded his arms across his chest and tapped his foot on the ground.

'Trace, you fuck everything up. They're in real danger. This isn't time for you to screw it up." Mason turned back to the van. Zack and Rian had backed away as instructed. They shielded Laura and Alex from whatever was going to happen. With a wave of his wand, Mason yelled, "EXPECTO PATRONADS!"

A blue ray of light came from his wand and surrounded the van and trailer. A wild wind blew everywhere, making everyone brace themselves so they wouldn't be blown away. "WHAT IN GOD'S HELL?" Alex was going ape-shit. Who could blame him? He just got out of a possibly fatal car crash and saw a gay wizard cast a spell on his totaled van.

The van and trailer magically transformed into the shape they were before the accident occur ed. In fact, they even looked brand new. The blue light ceased and Mason dropped his wand, breathing in and out very deeply.

Zack, Rian, and Mason all ran to the van door and opened it up. Anna was laying down on the seat with Jack on top of her. He was seemingly lifeless and covered in blood. "WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?" Anna screamed and tried to get out from under Jack. But he was too heavy. "Get him off of me!"

Zack quickly lifted Jack's limp body and ran him over to where Laura and Alex were. He set him on the ground. His head was bleeding pretty bad and it looked like he had a lot of broken bones. When Zack checked him pulse, he was relieved to find he still had one. Once Jack was off of her, Anna bolted out of the van and ran to Jack. Her arm was broken, but she didn't care. All she cared about was Jack. "Jack! No! Wake up!" Her cries grew louder and more desperate. Everyone in the group tried their hardest to not wail out in physical and emotional pain as they saw Anna cry.

Alex was inconsolable. "This is all my fault! I should have ran over the fucking squirrel!"

Rian wiped the tears from his eyes, only for them to be replaced by new ones. "No, I-I was the one who put up the map... We wouldn't have been driving on the wrong side of the road if-"

"No! I'm the dumb-ass who didn't know Mexico was a country! If I just knew, Rian wouldn't have-"

Will everyone shut up? I can fucking save him!" Everyone turned to Mason. He pushed away Anna and Zack and pointed his wand at Jack. "Fixus upus thisus hairyus Arabus!"

This time, a red bolt came out of Mason's wand. It went right into Jack's heart, sending his body into a big jolt of life. His eyes opened wide as he took in one big breath of air. All of his bleeding stopped. His broken bones were fixed. Jack was safe. As a side effect of the spell, though, all of his clothes dissolved. "Whoah! That was so weird... Wait, WHY AM I NAKED?"

Anna sobbed tears of joy and wrapped her arms around Jack. "Jack! You're alive! I thought you were a goner!" They kissed passionately, grateful to still have each other.

Mason then proceeded to heal up everyone's injuries with his magic. Because no one else's lives were in danger and he didn't have to use as strong a spell, their clothes remained on. Everyone was so happy that they were alive. Once everyone was okay, Laura asked the question that had been burning in everyone's minds. "What in Zeus's vagina just happened?"