Jizz In My Pants

The tension in the car became too much for Zack to handle. “I’m taking a walk.” He opened the door to the van and walked out, heading for the path in the woods just near the lake shore. The moon was bright enough to light the way.

“Zack, wait!” Rian called for him. He got out of the front seat and chased after him. “You just saved us for the second time today. You just got shot! What is going on?”

“Fucking drop it Rian!” Zack turned away from him and started jogging into the woods. Rian stopped in his tracks. It was no use chasing him.

Trace appeared beside him moments later. “I’ll talk to him.” He began to run after Zack near the woods.

RIan followed behind for a few steps. “And who’s to say he’ll talk to you?”

Trace looked back. For once, he was serious. “Trust me. He’ll talk to me.” With that, he went off into the woods to try and talk with a very troubled Zack.

Rian stood there next to the lake side. This was probably one of the more confusing points in his life. He shook it off and went back to the van. Everyone was getting out and grabbing their bags of stuff. Mason seemed less than thrilled to be there. “Guys, I really think we should get Trace and Zack and leave. I don’t have a good feeling about this place at all. It’s just… sketchy.”

Alex laughed and pulled his acoustic guitar from the trailer. “Don’t be such a pussy. We’re camping here for a few days so things can calm down. We have all the time in the world to go on this road trip. Why not hang by a lake for a while?”

Mason exhaled and sat at a log on the beach with his stuff. He took out his wand and poofed up just enough tents for everyone, a campfire, and some more chairs. Along with all of this, he conjured up some food and beer in two coolers. Rian sat down next to him. “Whoah, all of this? That’s so cool.” They exchanged smiles as Rian went to one of the coolers and got two beers. “Want one?”

“Thanks.” He accepted the beverage from Rian as he sat down next to him. There was a slight awkward silence before Alex sat down across from them with his acoustic guitar. Jack and Anna sat on the log adjacent to the one Rian and Mason were sitting on and Laura across from them. “So, we’re going to sing songs by the campfire?”

“Why the fuck not? Any suggestions?” Alex shrugged his shoulders, open to any songs that came his way.

Jack smirked. “Alex, woof woof.”

Alex started laughing and picking the tune familiar to the both of them. Alex started out. “I. Wanna fuck a dog in the ass.”

“He wants to fuck a dog in the ass!”

“I wanna fuck a dog. That’s right kids.” He looked at the horrified expressions of Anna, Laura, and Mason. Rian was hunched over laughing is ass off. “I tried to fuck your mom in the ass. Tried to fuck your dad in the ass. Could only find the dog. And his ass.”

Then, Rian and Jack joined in. “We wanna fuck a dog in the ass. We wanna fuck a dog in the ass! Wanna fuck a dog!”

“What in Peter Pan’s tights are you singing! Isn’t that illegal?” Anna was so disturbed by the lyrics of their song.

“Chill, girl!” Jack put his arm around Anna. “It’s a blink-182 song.”

The rest all let out a simultaneous “Ohhhhhhh” and went back to staring at the fire. Then Mason laughed. “We should sing The Campfire-Song Song!”

Contorting his face into an odd expression, Alex rubbed his head. “The what-what song?”

“Give me the guitar, Gaskarth.” Reluctantly, Alex handed over his guitar to Mason. He started strumming a tune and everyone started swaying. “Let’s gather round the campfire and sing our campfire song. Our C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E-S-O-N-G song! And if you don’t think that we can sing it faster than you’re wrong, but it’ll help if you just sing along!”

Jack came in and added the “Bum, bum, bum…” before the next verse. Then everyone joined in to sing the rest. “C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E-S-O-N-G song! C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E-S-O-N-G song! And if you don’t think that we can sing it faster then you’re wrong, but it’ll help if you just song along!”

They continued with their rendition of Spongebob’s most popular song. Then, from behind them in the woods, there came a noise. Everyone jumped at hearing it. It sounded like some kind of wild animal. Laura came over to Anna and hugged her close. “What was that?”

Alex stuttered, “I-I think it’s a bear.”

Rian muttered, “Maybe it’s a coyote.”

Jack whispered, “What if it’s a lion?”

Mason exclaimed, “What if it’s a unicorn?”

Anna shook her head and spoke quietly. “I think it’s bigfoot.”

Once Laura realized what the “animal” was, she stood up and crossed her arms. “I think it sounds a lot like a horse.” She walked over to the bush where the sounds were coming from. She pushed away the branches to find Trace and Zack, doing things that are so vile I dare not type them. “HOLY BILL COSBY! SIN! SIN! LOT’S OF SIN!” She ran away flailing her arms and jumped into the lake. “I NEED TO WASH OFF THE SIN!”

Totally embarrassed that they were caught, Trace and Zack walked out from the bush after they put their clothes back on. Jack stood up and jumped around. “OH MY GAY SCANDAL!”

Zack looked at Laura as she walked out of the lake after “washing the sin” off her body. “Laura, please let me explain.”

“Save it! I get it. I’m such a horrible girlfriend that you had to resort to fucking a horse, right?” She was hurt. More so than she should have been, considering they had only been going out a few days. But could you blame her? I’d be upset too if I found out my beau had been screwing a horse behind my back.

He let go of Trace’s hand. “It’s not like that! We, we were doing this before I started going out with you… I’m so sorry Laura, I didn’t mean for this to happen!”

She glared at him. “Fine. Explain. Explain everything.” Zack and Trace sat down on the ground near the fire as Laura took her seat on the log. Everyone was all ears for what he had to say.

He sighed and started his story. “Okay, well, Trace and I were, erm, together before the party. We thought it was real, but then we got in a fight right before the party. Laura was only supposed to be a rebound, but I actually started to fall for her…” He trailed off and wiped the stray tear cascading down his left cheek. “I tried to get out my frustrations during the dodgeball game. I never thought I was going to see him again. But, after the accident, I realized that I couldn’t stay away… Now I’m caught between two people and I don’t know what to do.”He pulled his knees to his now healed chest and started sobbing. Laura was still upset, but she saw how much this tore Zack up inside. So she became the better person and approached him.

“I forgive you.” She took a deep breath and tried to comprehend everything that was happening.

“What? Laura, I thought you’d-“

“It’s fine. If you really want to be with Trace, I’m cool with it. After all, you were with him before you were with me. So, it’s only fair.” She shrugged and gave Zack a hug, trying to console him.

“Thanks Laura. You’re the best.” He moved in for one more kiss, but she got up quickly and went to sit on her log. It would have hurt too much to kiss him again. He coughed and sniffled, trying to gain his composure again. “So, I should probably explain how I’m not dead right now, huh?” Everyone nodded, eyes still gaping from the bomb that had just been dropped. “Okay, this might seem a little weird, but… I can’t be hurt.”

Cocking his huge caterpillar eyebrows, Alex wasn’t sure how to take this news. “Please elaborate.”

He laughed and continued. “So, apparently when you have sex with a wizard, you gain some kind of power. My power is super strength and being indestructive. Pretty cool, huh?”

Jack started waving his arms around. “SO YOU’RE LIKE SUPERMAN!”

“Exactly. Except I can’t fly.” Giggling, he grabbed Trace’s hand again. They looked into each other’s eyes and kissed.

In a really whispery rapist voice, Trace cooed, “I always feel like I’m flying when I’m with you, Zacky-poo.” They stood up and ran into the woods again, probably for another session of hot, steamy horse sex.

Laura was still in shock. “Wow, I just got dumped for Trace. I should probably kill myself.”

With sudden realization that Laura was single, Alex went over to her log. “Well with Superman gone, I can say this. Wanna fuck?”

Much to Alex’s surprise, she complied. “Why not?” His pants immediately became way too tight as they grabed hands and ran to the van.

Anna and Jack just shrugged and cuddled together on their log and looked into the fire. A silence fell over the four left around the fire. Rian and Mason had a lot of tension between them. They were the only people not coupled off and it bothered them greatly. Either out of desperation or real attraction, Mason slid over next to Rian and put his hand on top of his. “Hey,” he said in a very soft, nervous voice.

‘H-Hey,” Rian returned in an equally shy voice. He blushed as Mason wrapped his arm around Rian’s waist. The rest of the night was spent eating marshmallows, telling stories, and trying to ignore the animalistic sex noises coming from the woods and the van.